When I was in high school one of the fun things we did was go and toilet paper people’s houses/yards. Namely, teachers that we liked; which you think would be totally opposite, but the TP'ing was specifically reserved for those we loved the most!
It pains me to think about the amount of toilet paper we actually wasted, especially since I am stealing* toilet paper from the office at least twice a month because I would rather spend money to eat than money to wipe my ass.
The husband of the teacher who’s house we frequently “decorated” wasn’t as thrilled about this activity as the rest of us, but knew that his wife enjoyed being “chosen” and usually just smiled and let it be.
On one particular TP'ing adventure, there were six of us on this night, apparently one of the less experienced TP’ers decided to throw a roll up on the roof. COME ON PEOPLE! You NEVER throw it on the roof…roof sounds are the most audible in the house, as well as the most suspicious - everyone checks out roof noise!
So OF COURSE, we were totally busted, except said teacher didn’t let us know we were busted…oh no, no, no…they watched from the living room while we were outside trying to be all ninja like. Well, me, being particularly ninja, was all up in the bushes, tucking, rolling, taking cover…very stealth…and our teacher decided to fuck with us. So she turns on a small light inside, which of course sends us scattering like a bunch of cucarachas.
I, in particular, ended up under a bush under lighted window. When the light went out I did a half-roll stand-up move (that I learned watching James Bond) which then landed me next to their F-150. F-150’s are pretty hefty trucks and to a novice TP’er it is the perfect medium for their artwork! So I get to work…I am about halfway around the truck for the second time when the fucking alarm goes off. I lie to you not, I jumped straight up in the air, just like a cat, landed on my ass and did the roll that you do when you stop, drop and roll. I ended up under the truck. This is when we learned we were totally set up. Since her husband was particularly fond of picking on me (as I was particularly fond of trashing his yard with TP) he took great joy in pressing that panic button when he realized I was the one wrapping up the truck.
I can actually still hear his howling laughter in my head.
Those were the good ol days! I miss them.
And now for last nights karaoke review:
I do not think I have had that much fun a karaoke in my entire life!
I must preface this by saying that my boss man, Joe, lost a bet. He would correct me in saying that he just gave up the bet all together. Still, he lost.
The original bet was that he, Dave and Beverly
had to run 3 miles and drink 6 Stella pints and whoever could do it first, without puking, won. Well, Dave and Beverly are runners, Joe definitely is not. BUT, Joe can drink like no one I have ever met before in my life! Dave and Beverly aren’t too shabby in the drinking department either. The thing is Joe can chug a beer in about 1.3 seconds. I am really being serious. So technically Joe could have walked his 3 miles and then counted on his chugging ability to save him.
Anyway, none of that happened, so Joe looses and as the rules stated, he had to sing karaoke. Since I am awesome, I actually convinced the partners and associates to have this karaoke singing take place in our favorite gay bar, Blaine’s. I hooked them in with the all you can drink beer for $10. They are some suckers for beer.
Joe ended up singing “I Will Survive”, “No Woman, No Cry” and “Summer Lovin”. (Me and Joe actually sang “Summer Lovin” together…with him taking the girls part. It was a motherfuckin RIOT!)
PICTURE TIME!
Dave singing, Bobby and Beverly dancing
Larkin singing
Me and Beverly singing
Joe singing
Me and Bobby Singing
Debbie (FOM - Former Office Mate) and John
Bobby and Angela (Dave in the back)
Joe, Steve and Dave
Frances and Locke
And for ONCE our theme was not boob grabbing...apparently it was peace.
And maybe one of these for the road
I think I was cheering on the chugging contest that was going on behind me. Whatever it was, I was totally into it!
*and by stealing, I mean with express permission from the Office Manager.
