Dear Fruit Flies:
Thanks for moving from my house to Larkin's house. It appears as though she is not please with the gift of fruit fly we have bestowed upon her, so let's just keep this between us, mmmk?
Peace SUCKAS,
Jess
Dear Homeless Guy on the Bike at the Liquor Store:
Larkin and I were honored that you asked us to look after your bike while you ran into the liquor store. I really, honestly do understand paying for beer in change. I do it all the time. HOWEVER, you crossed the line asking us to look after you bike AND for 6 cents to aid you in your purchase of your 18 oz Icehouse. Go get a job. AND stop following us. It took an extra four minutes to get to my house because you kept following us...I don't want you to know where I live and I also don't want to waste time driving around the block waiting on you to get lost so I can park. Complete waste of beer drinking time.
Frightened by Homeless Bike Riding Fools,
Jess
Dear Poop:
Why are you green? I don't remember drinking green beer. Did I eat too many Lucky Charms? Who knows.
That Shit was So Good, My Back Feels Better,
Jess
Dear Weekend:
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING BACK!! I LOVE YOU SO!
Can't Wait to Challenge My Liver Again,
Jess
