I recently discovered that I do have some sort of muscle structure in my abdominal area. I was given the grand opportunity to try/ride a zip line on Wednesday. Turns out that requires more muscle strength than previously thought. I did not feel a THING on Thursday, but THIS morning sneezing, coughing and breathing seems to be a bit more difficult than normal.
I have a bit of a family story to share:
I wrote a couple of months ago about my youngest brother, Jacob aka Jake deciding that he had filled his head with enough education and decided to drop out of high school. He was quickly put back in place by my Father and Mother who explained to him that they would be HAPPY to pack his things in a brand new, never before used, trash bag and he could start his riveting journey through life by walking to a friend's house because he certainly was NOT staying at their house anymore.
Jake, wisely, decided to go back to school. He is set to graduate next month. On his Senior page in the year book, Mom, being...well, MOM, put:
"JACOB, YOU BETTER GRADUATE! WE JUST PAID $100 FOR THIS PAGE!"
Cracked. Me. UP!
So in the latest in the world of Jacob...being that he is 19 and has absolutely everything figured out, he has decided to ask his girlfriend to marry him. They have been together throughout high school. I have met this girl twice. And by the way, her name is Jessica. Yes, I am THRILLED about that.
First of all, any girl that decides to be with my brothers already has it stacked against them. I am the ONLY girl and I am also significantly older than both of my brothers. I do not tolerate additional women coming into my family very well, ESPECIALLY ones that share my name!
OK, so anyway, I call Mom up and am like, "Mom, I was on Facebook and Jacob's girlfriend friended me and I noticed on her page she says "Engaged to the love of my life, Jacob", what do you know and think about this?"
Mom: "I think it is funny!"
Me: "Well, did you know about it?"
Mom: "No, I didn't...(still giggling, might I add)...call your brother and find out what is going on."
Me: "Ok, call you in a few days when I know something."
So I don't get around to calling him, but in the meantime I called Mom about something else and Jacob saw from the caller ID that I rang the house and called me back.
Jacob: "You rang?"
Me: "Yeah, but I was calling Mom...HEY, Jake, tell me about this engagement I saw on Facebook..."
Jacob: "Oh, you mean the engagement we are trying to keep from Mom and Dad?"
Me: "Yes, that is the one I am referring to...unless of course there are more."
Jacob: "Yeah, we are engaged."
Me: "With WHAT? You don't even have a car! Where are you going to live? In our parent's basement?"
Jacob: (in his most manly, I have it all figured out machismo voice) "Well, I figured it this way sis, I am going to save my money for two years and then I will have enough to get my own place and my car will be fixed."
Me: "And I am assuming you do not get health insurance at your part time job at the mechanic shop you work at, correct?
Jacob: "Well, they have workers compensation."
Me: "Yeah, that is in place in case a car FALLS on you, not if you get pneumonia. ::heavy sigh from me:: SO, what kind of ring did you get her?"
Jacob: (goes on and on about white gold, yellow gold and getting it fitted properly blah blah)
Me: "So how many karats is it?"
Jacob: "How many what?"
Me: "Karats...the unit of measurement to weigh a diamond, i.e. how big is the thing?"
Jacob: "Uhhh, 10 karats...?"
Me: "Uh, yeah, no Jacob, that is like a $30,000.00 ring...how much did you pay for it?"
Jacob: "$400.00"
Me: "Yeah, that is more like 1/4 of a karat...humm, OK, well I gotta run, but you guys make sure you wait a REALLY long time and actually, I think you would do fantastic in the Coast Guard like your brother, so why don't you go ahead and sign up for that...Love ya bro, talk to you later..."
So then I hang up and immediately text our Mother that I have the 411. Keep in mind they are at opposite ends of the house. Mom calls me.
Mom: "Soooooo, what color are the dresses?!?"
I seriously almost die laughing. So fucking funny!
I let Mom know that he did indeed buy her a ring, she told me to e-mail him and tell him to send it back. I reminded her that we all have to make our own mistakes and chances are he is out of a shitty $400.00 engagement ring. I told her that it probably took him 6 months to save up $400.00 and that if he is that determined, let him do it and then whenwe trick him he goes into the Coast Guard he will be introduced to a whole new world and will forget about Jessica #2.
That is our diabolical plan. I think we got this on lock down. For now I am torturing his girlfriend on Facebook. She is unaware that I am actually teasing her. Make me laugh a very evil laugh.
Here is the newly engaged, soon to be not, couple:
I have a bit of a family story to share:
I wrote a couple of months ago about my youngest brother, Jacob aka Jake deciding that he had filled his head with enough education and decided to drop out of high school. He was quickly put back in place by my Father and Mother who explained to him that they would be HAPPY to pack his things in a brand new, never before used, trash bag and he could start his riveting journey through life by walking to a friend's house because he certainly was NOT staying at their house anymore.
Jake, wisely, decided to go back to school. He is set to graduate next month. On his Senior page in the year book, Mom, being...well, MOM, put:
"JACOB, YOU BETTER GRADUATE! WE JUST PAID $100 FOR THIS PAGE!"
Cracked. Me. UP!
So in the latest in the world of Jacob...being that he is 19 and has absolutely everything figured out, he has decided to ask his girlfriend to marry him. They have been together throughout high school. I have met this girl twice. And by the way, her name is Jessica. Yes, I am THRILLED about that.
First of all, any girl that decides to be with my brothers already has it stacked against them. I am the ONLY girl and I am also significantly older than both of my brothers. I do not tolerate additional women coming into my family very well, ESPECIALLY ones that share my name!
OK, so anyway, I call Mom up and am like, "Mom, I was on Facebook and Jacob's girlfriend friended me and I noticed on her page she says "Engaged to the love of my life, Jacob", what do you know and think about this?"
Mom: "I think it is funny!"
Me: "Well, did you know about it?"
Mom: "No, I didn't...(still giggling, might I add)...call your brother and find out what is going on."
Me: "Ok, call you in a few days when I know something."
So I don't get around to calling him, but in the meantime I called Mom about something else and Jacob saw from the caller ID that I rang the house and called me back.
Jacob: "You rang?"
Me: "Yeah, but I was calling Mom...HEY, Jake, tell me about this engagement I saw on Facebook..."
Jacob: "Oh, you mean the engagement we are trying to keep from Mom and Dad?"
Me: "Yes, that is the one I am referring to...unless of course there are more."
Jacob: "Yeah, we are engaged."
Me: "With WHAT? You don't even have a car! Where are you going to live? In our parent's basement?"
Jacob: (in his most manly, I have it all figured out machismo voice) "Well, I figured it this way sis, I am going to save my money for two years and then I will have enough to get my own place and my car will be fixed."
Me: "And I am assuming you do not get health insurance at your part time job at the mechanic shop you work at, correct?
Jacob: "Well, they have workers compensation."
Me: "Yeah, that is in place in case a car FALLS on you, not if you get pneumonia. ::heavy sigh from me:: SO, what kind of ring did you get her?"
Jacob: (goes on and on about white gold, yellow gold and getting it fitted properly blah blah)
Me: "So how many karats is it?"
Jacob: "How many what?"
Me: "Karats...the unit of measurement to weigh a diamond, i.e. how big is the thing?"
Jacob: "Uhhh, 10 karats...?"
Me: "Uh, yeah, no Jacob, that is like a $30,000.00 ring...how much did you pay for it?"
Jacob: "$400.00"
Me: "Yeah, that is more like 1/4 of a karat...humm, OK, well I gotta run, but you guys make sure you wait a REALLY long time and actually, I think you would do fantastic in the Coast Guard like your brother, so why don't you go ahead and sign up for that...Love ya bro, talk to you later..."
So then I hang up and immediately text our Mother that I have the 411. Keep in mind they are at opposite ends of the house. Mom calls me.
Mom: "Soooooo, what color are the dresses?!?"
I seriously almost die laughing. So fucking funny!
I let Mom know that he did indeed buy her a ring, she told me to e-mail him and tell him to send it back. I reminded her that we all have to make our own mistakes and chances are he is out of a shitty $400.00 engagement ring. I told her that it probably took him 6 months to save up $400.00 and that if he is that determined, let him do it and then when
That is our diabolical plan. I think we got this on lock down. For now I am torturing his girlfriend on Facebook. She is unaware that I am actually teasing her. Make me laugh a very evil laugh.
Here is the newly engaged, soon to be not, couple:
