I have never been one of those people that have experienced the phenomenon of when one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong, when it rains it pours, when the shit starts rolling...you know what I am saying...right? Anyway, I have been lucky in that aspect!
I have had my car for 11 years. It is a 2000 Mazda Protege (or Protogay as the Bobz calls it). It is the first car I have ever bought and has been a joy to have. However, the Mazdarati is old. I have had plans to sell it in February and then purchase a new-to-me vehicle with the tax return. Bobz is also without a car. His bit the dust 8 months ago. He had Toby for 12 years. Because I work just blocks from the house, I walk to work and let the Bobz drive my car.
Four weeks ago I had to have some kind of gaskets replaced. ($150.00) Since the gaskets were leaking that caused some kind of issue with the catalytic converter, which I did not have the money to fix, so the end result is that the car doesn't have very good get up and go. It will go, but it really has to think about it.
Two weeks after the gaskets were replaced, my right front break locked up. I have never heard of a break locking up, but mine did! Because it was locked up, and I had to drive it to the mechanic, the break burned up. So I had to get a break job. ($190.00).
Sunday it was discovered that my back drivers side tire was flat thanks to an abnormally large nail. I was sick on Sunday, so KK and Bobz changed the tire and put on the spare. Bobz took pictures to commemorate. He was the supervisor of this project.
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I have never had to use the spare or the jack or any of the tools required to change a tire on that car. Upon locating the jack for the vehicle, it was discovered that it was under water. Water in my trunk. WTF? Apparently that water had been there for some time because it rusted the fuck out of the jack. They eventually got that working and got the spare on. The spare was flat.
After a brief discussion in my cough medicine medicated state we decided I would just get someone to come pick me up for work and take the original flat tire down to the tire place and have it plugged.
Unfortuneately, the tire place does not plug tires, they patch them. Naturally, where this mammoth of a nail was located was a place that would not hold a patch. I had to buy a new tire. ($72.00)
So the Bobz calls me Tuesday night (I was out at triva) and tells me that the car is smoking. Awesome! After finding out from which end it was smoking, it was determined that the radiator was leaking. He was already at the house, so it was decided to just let the car cool down and when I got home we would add some water to it.
All was well with the car the next morning and afternoon. Bobz came to pick me up from work and I needed to get across town to pick up my Xanax for these pesky panic attacks that show up at random.
We get to the CVS and Black Beauty is just billowing smoke. Temperature gage is all good, and hell, we all need to let off steam every now and then, so we just go in to CVS and get the goods.
Upon cranking her back up AND having a discussion with her about how I knew she was thirsty and all, but please just hold on for three more miles and we would be home. Being it was rush hour traffic there was alot of stopping involved. She was NOT pleased about this. Half a mile from CVS she overheats.
I pull that bitch over like a freakin pro and park next to a lovely house with large hedges. Bobz and I contemplate what it is that we need to do. Here is what we DO know:
We don't need to get back on the main road.
KK is on her way home in the Jeep.
Larkin lives about a mile from where we are.
The Mazdarati is thirsty and we need to get her water.
The car is too hot to put water in.
We don't know exactly how to get to Larkin's house from the random side road we pulled over on.
Bobz has GPS on his phone.
The GPS is blocked by the large hedges.
We let the car sit for 15 minutes, which was a perfect time to smoke a cigarette and talk about how great our day has been.
We finally fire her up and get about 100 yards down the road and have to pull over again to let her cool down. Repeat this process four times. It took us 30 minutes to go six blocks. I would just crank that bitch up, punch the gas and go as fast as I could until the temperature went souring to the H. I was running stop signs like a mother fucker, Bobby was screaming, both arms glued to the oh shit bar, I am screaming at the people in front of me to move (strangely, they ignored me. It was like they couldn't even hear me or something) and then I would slam on my (newly bought set of) breaks (they work quite well), screatch to a halt and turn her off to steam for another 10 minutes.
In the process I took a moment to call my mechanic.
"Hey Michael"
"Oh! Hey Jessica! How are you"
(Jesuseffinchrist my mechanic knows the sound of my VOICE!)
"Well, I am trying this new thing where I only go 100 yards at a time, breaking as many traffic laws as possible and also get a lovely steam facial at the same time."
"Sounds delightful! However, the basic concept of a car is to get you from point A to point B in a reasonable amount of time and your vehicle did not come with a facial steaming option. It is about $400.00 to have this option removed."
"Great! At this rate it will take me until the next new moon to get to your shop, but I will get her there as soon as possible!"
We finally make it to Larkin's! There was beer. And TV. And good company. We chilled there for about two hours, KK came over with more beer and we had a delicious dinner of Wendy's hamburgers.
When it was time to make a break for it, we filled up a bucket, put water in the radiator, left the cap off so if it ran out of water again, one of us could just jump out and pour some more water in...quickly jumped in the car before all the water leaked out and slammed it! I have never made it from one side of town to the other so fast! The green light gods were with us and we got her safe and sound to the mechanic. It looked like Ol Faithful when we parked.
It was kinda pretty, but not $400 pretty.
I guess this story didn't have that much to do with Xanax after all. But it really is a great drug!
