Mepsipax asks:
"What is your favorite curse word. I see you use twat waffle. That is a good old standby. Have you invented any good ones?"
I think I stand with millions and have to say that my favorite cuss word is fuck. It is just so damn versatile! You can say it when you are happy, (Fuck!) sad, (fuuuck...) indifferent, (Eh, fuck) angry (FUCK!!) or actually fucking. (fuckity fuck fuck!!)
Twat Waffle is like the theme song to The Golden Girls...it is just classic!
Have I invented any new good ones?! I suppose it depends on your version of good, but let me look around, where did I put that...ah, yes, here it is...Jess's Words That Have Been Published for All To See In The Dictionary That Should Replace All Other Dictionaries. (Ha, I said dic...twice!)
Bevertwat. It is actually redundant, but it rolls off the tongue nicely. And I do mean that in the dirtiest way possible.
Cootermonger. The literal definition is fun and all, but calling someone a Cootermonger is just plain hilarious!
My favorite thing to do it group words together, like "lard ass lying pig headed gutter slut of a whore". And she was.
MarkD60 asks:
"What begins with T, ends with T and is full of Tea?"
Teabagging of course! Oh, wait, no, that was the answer to something else. Teapot! TEAPOT! Whew, thankgoodness you weren't Alex and I wasn't a contestant on Jeopardy and we weren't on live TV. (not that Jeopardy is ever live) That was a close call! Do I get money for that answer or just a free trip to visit you and Sunshine in the Cayman Islands?
Pearl asks:
"Jess, where should I go on vacation? I want warm, pretty, maybe some culture. Bear in mind that I live in Minneapolis and have no passport. Please don't say "Detroit" because it's unbelievably expensive, for some reason, to fly from Mpls to DTW. Don't ask how I know that -- it's incredibly boring."
Warm and pretty is not how I envisioned Detroit, so you were pretty safe on me NOT suggesting that for your vacation location, however, I have a strange feeling that your story is anything but boring. You tell stories about riding the bus to work that have me glued to my computer monitor. But in answer to your question, I say Savannah, Georgia!!
Please do not be frightened by all the Paula Deen fanatics. They come from all around and apparently where they come from it is absolutely OK to walk out in front of cars and walk across intersections when the big red blinking hand is OBVIOUSLY giving them the big "NOOooooo, don't do it! YOU CANNOT CROSS NOW, please, please!!! For the love of your legs and hips, don't cross now!!!" but to no avail. I am on a streak this year. I almost wiped out an entire tourist family last week.
I found you a round trip ticket for about $350.00.
As for culture, well, we have some VERY talented homeless people. Their musical talents are above and beyond some of the other homeless people in other cities that I have seen.
OH!! I KNOW! It is completely legal to walk around with an open container!
We also have a variety of pubs. Savannah used to be a city where folks from across the pond would come and work off their debts...apparently alot of English, Irish and Scottish folks owed a shit ton of money because we are full up on English, Irish and Scottish pubs. They serve traditional foods (fish n chips n shit) as well as play traditional tunes!
I am sure you are on your way to pack your bags right now. We will be waiting for ya! Check in is between 5:00p.m. and 3:00a.m....or until the beer runs out.
I found you a round trip ticket for about $350.00.
As for culture, well, we have some VERY talented homeless people. Their musical talents are above and beyond some of the other homeless people in other cities that I have seen.
OH!! I KNOW! It is completely legal to walk around with an open container!
We also have a variety of pubs. Savannah used to be a city where folks from across the pond would come and work off their debts...apparently alot of English, Irish and Scottish folks owed a shit ton of money because we are full up on English, Irish and Scottish pubs. They serve traditional foods (fish n chips n shit) as well as play traditional tunes!
I am sure you are on your way to pack your bags right now. We will be waiting for ya! Check in is between 5:00p.m. and 3:00a.m....or until the beer runs out.
