Everytime I sit down to write this post I get all anxious and just can't do it. SO I am going to make this quick.
I am not out to my family. It has been entirely too many years and avoiding confrontation is my second favorite thing. Mexican food being my first, of course.
I plan on doing the deed after Thanksgiving activities are over. Not the day of Thanksgiving or maybe even the day after...just the day when all the eating has ceased and it is time for me to go back to Savannah.
What has really brought me to this point is the engagement and therapy.
The main issue is that I have had since I was 15 to get used to all of this. I can only assume that my parents have a clue, oh, there are just too many clues, but we have never had the "official talk". Mom, still, on occasion, texts me about "a cute engineer in her office that is around my age...ohhh" I just ignore the texts.
Krystal and I have been in a serious relationship for almost 5 years now...what can I say, I am chicken shit. I am not quite sure of what. I don't depend on them to live, I haven't actually lived with them since I was 17 years old, I don't even see them but twice a year, I live three hours away, there is no major inheritance I am worried about.
It all comes down to just being a disappointment to someone. It is that same feeling like when you are watching TV and someone is crying so hard, in such pain, that you cry for them. I don't want to be that pain.
Of course I am imagining worst case scenario. For all I know they could be all like, "Oh, yeah, we totally knew that when you were five! What other kid would want G.I. Joe toys for Christmas!"
My going-to-be-30-next-year adult mind says that, logically, they will be upset with the loss of THEIR dreams and the way THEY had envisioned things going for me. I hope to help them the best way I can to let them know that those dreams aren't gone, just going to be dreaming to a beat of a different drum.
I am a relatively controlled person. I am OK with surprises or going off the beaten path every now and then, but for the most part, my life is pretty calculated, I have a good idea of what the next step is. In this situation, I am not even sure I can get my parents in the same room, at the same time. It makes it difficult to play out situations and what to do. DAMN YOU UNIVERSE FOR NOT LETTING ME HAVE CONTROL!!
Alright, well, before I throw myself into a complete panic attack, please just keep me in your thoughts. I will keep my Xanax close by and let's cross our fingers all goes well!
