Getting There...

I am waiting on Krystal to get home so we can head out! I feel like I am going to prom or something!!! Wahoo!

Got the outfit and shoes. Hair and make-up done...car is ready to go...

Let's party bitches!!

Friday Farewell!

Actually, I just wanted the title to have two F's in it, not really a farewell to anything...damn it, now that I think about it, it should have said Friday Fuckers! Eh, ok, well anyway, I am not here today...by the time you read this I SHOULD be out of bed and on my way to the mall. I have lots and lots to do today.

First of all, tonight is my high school reunion.

I need a new outfit. (I am taking Bobby shopping so he can dress me...something that I just don't give a shit about, the clothes that is, however, I recognize that I need to look nice for the reunion)

I need to get my make-up and hairs did. (Larkin is supposed to come by the house on her lunch break to slap that shit on and get the hairs all funktified.)

I also need to get the oil in the car changed, get some gas in the thing and get to Macon all before 6:00.

AND I need to go to the bank.

Not only does the above need to be done, Krystal is coming too, but she has to work in Charleston this morning, which is Northeast 2 1/2 hours away, then she has to come all the way back to Savannah so we can drive Northwest the 2 1/2 hours to Macon. She will need to be back by 3:00 at the LATEST.

I feel slightly stressed just thinking about it!

Be on the lookout for some great pics next week!

Really?

It has recently come to my attention that I am allergic to rats.

One would probably not know this in their lifetime if they did not live with someone who has rats as pets. Until this year I had never purposefully surrounded myself with the rodents, but have come to quite enjoy them!

This past weekend Bobby's hairless rat, Bayah, died of unknown causes.

We believe she had some kind of respiratory infection. She passed about 6:00 on Saturday afternoon. It was sad to see her go. She was totally adorable! I played with her the most out of all of the rats. The boy rats have very large balls.

This is creepy, so I don't handle them much.

A few months ago Bobby got Millie, a brown and white female rat, to keep Bayah company. (Rats, much like people, need companionship and do much better when they have contact with their same species)

Until recently, I had not handled Millie much, but in the last week I have taken her out to play, as she is VERY sweet, and have noticed that I break out in itchy welts!

I can only assume that I am allergic to her dander and since Bayah was hairless I never had a reaction before.

All of this is to say WHAT THE FUCK? Allergic to RATS? Who the hell is allergic to rats?!

Wordless Wednesday

Random Tuesday

How adorable is my little Kitter? The most adorable is what! These were taken at approximately 3:45am Saturday night. We were having drinking night at the house. Yay! So Kitter apparently decided that I must not be going to bed that night and made her a nice little snuggly home in my covers on my side of the bed.

In addition to cuteness, here is some more work that has been done on Krystal's tattoo.

In her previous session she got this:

Recap of the meaning: She loves monkeys...so that is the center piece, the cobra is for her Dad, who uses that as his trucking name and also has a cobra tattoo, there is an Italian horn hanging from the monkey's neck, this is for her Grandfather, who was 100% Italian, the Army hat that the monkey is wearing is for her other grandfather who was in the Army.

This past weekend she got her half sleeve that will eventually be tied into the shoulder piece:

(the above is a blended picture of her arm turned one way and then the other to show both sides)

The elephant represents one of her grandmothers, (who collected elephants with only the trun up) the bell represents her mother (she collects bells), the eagle at the top is for her brother who is an Eagle Scout, the braile represents her OTHER grandmother, who was blind. The braile says "Jeopardy" because that is what she used to "watch" on TV. It was one of her favorite shows since everything was read and she could follow along.

Three to four more session for the color to be added! Going to be absolutely awesome with the color...I mean, it is already awesome just black and grey! The colors are going to be BRIGHT greens, yellows, blues, purples...

How To Properly Air Rock

SO, here in our fair city of Savannah we have what is called Beer Bust at Blaine's on Thursday night. This is problematic for me most Fridays.

After reviewing the pictures that Larkin took this past Thursday, it occurred to me that I should teach proper Air Rock technique. Perhaps you have heard of Air Guitar...? Yes, so, this encompasses all areas of rocking it out. Air style.

First you must start with a good guitar solo, which many of us are familiar with from our Van Halen days:

I know what you are thinking! What style! What grace! How drunk IS she?

The above demonstration is followed by a face that looks like it is saying, "Damn, this beer is rancid!", but really, it is just the face one makes when hitting a really high note: (or burping)

This note is followed by a dance step to the right:

The a dance move in the style of "Bitch, You Want Some?!"

Followed by belting out a fantastic note in the style of "Farting on the Pool Table"

This will then prepare you for your air drum solo:

Of GREAT importance is the knee bend-age. It is a MUST in Air Drum technique. It helps alleviate any discomfort your arms may feel because the shooting pains will gradually make their way to your knee caps if you stay in the position long enough.

At the end of your set, one is to show and exhausting display of rockin'ness by throwing up the horns, which naturally inspires others:

This lesson in Air Rock has been brought to you by Drunk Ass Jess and her courageous photographer, Larkin.

And last but not least, a shout out Punk Rock Dad, who will no doubt utilize the above lesson in his next rock out session...

Rewarding Friday

It is time to give out awards again...just one of those things that has to be done every now and then!

Rules...yes, once again, we will have none of those...but feel free to pass along to those that you feel!!!

I would first like to give this award to my Former Office Mate. This is in celebration of her recent comeback to blogging.

Secondly, to a new reader of mine, Sunshine over at Such is Life in the Tropics. Though I too only live only a hop skip and a jump from the beach, the Atlantic water is gross. But the people watching is just as fantastic.

The next award goes to Tina. Her and Jess (not me) are going through some changes these days (to say the least) and my heart goes out to them both!

One for the Styro for his in-depth thoughts about life and some game called hockey. Plus he is the husband of MAW and needs a congrats for FINALLY joining the blogging world! OH AND...he can totally kick your ass...he is a cage fighter for the UFC. Just kidding, he just does martial arts, but he can still punch you in the throat and make you cry.

And I also have personalized the "You Were Spotted In Savannah, Georgia" pictures for all of you peeps that are now part of the permanent wall art in Bay Street Blues, downtown Savannah, Georgia. Come on...you know you want some of this fantastic wall art on your blog!

Trooper Thorn

Tina and Jess

Shane Rocket

Real Live Lesbian

MAW

M. Dawg

Lilli Girl

Kat

Emily

Dawg

Capt. Dumbass

Contemplate

I was just contemplating how interesting it is that people will display certain actions in front of certain people, but not in front of others.

Case in point: my Grandmother (from the Catholic side) just joined the Facebook craze. Thankfully she is an avid supporter of my drinking (being Catholic and all), however, I have never told her that I smoke, therefore I spent the better part of an hour deleting pictures from Facebook that displayed any shape or form of me smoking. NOW, if my OTHER Grandmother joined Facebook, I would have to go back through and delete every picture of me drinking (that Grandmother is from the Baptist side), therefore there probably wouldn't be any pictures at all on Facebook.

Then there is the smoking issue with my Mother. She knows I smoke, but I won't smoke in front of her. Except that one time she came to a club with me, but that was different.

There is a time and place for everything. It is truly what respect is really about. I doubt the church congregation would like to hear about my strip club escapades, (though I haven't been to church in a hot minute, maybe it has changed) but I guarantee that you guys would like to know!

Anyway, all of this came about from me thinking about the things you have to do in life sometimes. I don't see it as "playing the game" or "being someone I'm not", but very much about do what is correct in that moment.

I am sure each of you can think of instances where you had to sacrifice self want over properness.

Today's lesson was brought to you by the letter "F" for fuck, a word that should not be said while in the presence of the Pope.

Camera Phone At It's Finest

Krystal excitedly sent me a text w/ picture attachment insisting she had discovered squirrel poop. If you are unaware of the previous riveting conversation regarding this topic, please see here.

I have established that this is indeed NOT squirrel poop, however, Krystal was ready to bag it up and bring it home to prove that it was. I declined that offer.

In researching what exactly it might be I discovered that there is a VAST amount of websites dedicated to identifying animal feces. This is both interesting and disturbing.

Anypoop, for your viewing pleasure, mystery animal poop pictures for you. (Unless you are reading this Krystal, then it is most certainly squirrel poop)

AND I won another major award (as Former Office Mate likes to put it) from Marlboro. I ALMOST feel guilty for not smoking their cigs. Actually, no, I take it back. It was their cigs that I tried for the first time and continued to smoke until I discovered various other brands I liked (Benson and Hedges being among them...no laughs, those are good cigs, but too expensive these days!) I now love my Camel No. 9's in the pink pack. But anyway, back to my major award:

Again, kinda like the coffee maker...not what I was going for, but free is free. This time I was shooting for the $40,000.00 in gold bars. No, really, that was the prize! First of all, I rarely drink beer that requires a bottle opener, though I wish I could afford it, cause I love Stella. Secondly, we don't have anywhere to mount that thing. Our walls are made out of special fall apart shitty sheetrock.

Looks like we are going to be having a special This Life Is Mine give-a-way soon! WAHOO!

This is All I Got

I swear I have an interesting life...I just don't have anything to write about lately! Mostly because I haven't been doing anything all that interesting, but I tell ya...some good times are ahead! Got the reunion coming up...then New Orleans where me and the M. Dawg are gonna paint the town red, purple, black and blue and then me and my crew are supposed to be heading to Key West to see my brother sometime in October...so, yeah, you just hold on, cause there are some good pictures and stories ahead!!

This morning on the news:

Water Spout just a little bit off of Tybee Island. Larkin blames Miley Cyrus (you know, since she is staying there all summer shooting a movie there) I blame global warming and Paula Deen.

But really, think of the fish. What a rude awakening THAT had to be. They are all just waking up for their morning swim (or the young ones are just getting in from being out all night) and they are all singing their favorite song, inspired by Finding Nemo - "Just keep swiming, just keep swimming..." and SLLLLUUURRRRRPPPP.

Suddenly they are flung a million feet in the air...all gasping and all "I can't breathe, I can't breathe" and then PLUNK. Right back in the ocean. Except it is on the ROUGH side where all the sharks and puffer fish live. Today is going to be an interesting day for some fish.

Good thing their memory span is short.

Dear So N So...

Dear Fruit Flies:

Thanks for moving from my house to Larkin's house. It appears as though she is not please with the gift of fruit fly we have bestowed upon her, so let's just keep this between us, mmmk?

Peace SUCKAS,

Jess

Dear Homeless Guy on the Bike at the Liquor Store:

Larkin and I were honored that you asked us to look after your bike while you ran into the liquor store. I really, honestly do understand paying for beer in change. I do it all the time. HOWEVER, you crossed the line asking us to look after you bike AND for 6 cents to aid you in your purchase of your 18 oz Icehouse. Go get a job. AND stop following us. It took an extra four minutes to get to my house because you kept following us...I don't want you to know where I live and I also don't want to waste time driving around the block waiting on you to get lost so I can park. Complete waste of beer drinking time.

Frightened by Homeless Bike Riding Fools,

Jess

Dear Poop:

Why are you green? I don't remember drinking green beer. Did I eat too many Lucky Charms? Who knows.

That Shit was So Good, My Back Feels Better,

Jess

Dear Weekend:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING BACK!! I LOVE YOU SO!

Can't Wait to Challenge My Liver Again,

Jess

Technology Runs Us

On the last Friday of this month I will be attending my 10 year high school reunion! I would like to thank those of you that donated to the cause...I love you both! :) (If anyone else wants to donate...feel free to click that button over there to the right!)

Our attendance looks like it will be around 36, which is great since there were only like 50 of us that graduated in the first place. At least half of that number is significant others that are attending as well. It will be a small crowd, but one worth seeing after 10 years!

Getting this thing together has not been the most delightful experience of my life, but thanks to technology it was MUCH easier than what I would imagine class reunions of the past had to go through! Everything was done electronically...from getting in touch with folks right down to filling out the class survey! All monies were collected through Pay-Pal, which is a lovely operation.

On the animal home front, we will soon be obtaining one of these:

That's right! Your eyes deceive you not! That is cuteness covered in fur right there!

Specifically, we are going to be getting a Bengal kitten. Usually these designer cats run anywhere from $400.00 to $1,200.00, however, we shall be getting ours for the low, low price of free! They are only four weeks old right now, so we have to wait until they grow a bit more...but I am becoming a bit impatient!

Since the loss of Syber a few months ago, the house has been missing that kitten feel! Our youngest cat is 4 years old, the oldest are 10. Really looking forward to having a kitten running around chasing specks of dust soon!!

Where Were You Made?

New Office Mate, Martha, just got a new chair to sit in:

Naturally, we have all been trying it out and have decided it is pretty damn awesome.

Anywho, she put it together yesterday and I heard her mutter, "Well, that instills confidence..."

I turn and look...

This chair was made WHERE?

Classic FAIL.

Great Work Nancy Drew!!

I was sitting outside of work the other day contemplating the things of life.

One very important thing I contemplated was squirrel poop. Why don't you ever see squirrel poop?

You would think being in the trees all the time you would see it on your car like you see bird poop, but amazingly, no.

This then brought on the revelation that perhaps squirrels only poop on the ground. THEN I thought, well, if that is the case, why don't people ever say, "FUCK, I just stepped in squirrel poop!"?

Turns out the squirrel turds are only about the size of raisins and are the color of the soil, so the fact of the matter is we just don't see them.

A great mystery in my life has officially been solved. Whew.

So You Think...

Do any of you watch "So You Think You Can Dance"? If not, this post is going to be beyond you, but I encourage you to go watch some online videos of Mary Murphy some time.

I blame Bobby. Bobby makes us watch these shows. Why you ask? Because he is the one with the DVR in his room, so when we all have a night together we end up in his room (which also has the beer fridge), pile up in the bed and start watching these shows. (without commercials! YAY!)

Anyway, so back to Mary Murphy. She is one of the judges on the panel and she pretty much drives me nuts. She affirms all of her statements i.e. "That was an AWESOME routine. YES. IT. WAS." She follows most of her sentences with statements that confirm her previous comment. We have started taking bets when she starts talking about how many time she will confirm herself before her turn is over. This last week she had two turns where she didn't do it ONCE. It was a dissapointing moment. BUT THEN, her next time to speak, she said it FOUR TIMES! So, basically, that made up for the last turn.

OK, you can continue on with your day now. I just wanted to express how I felt about Mary Murphy and her hot tamale self. YES. I. DID.

At Least It Wasn't The Kayak...

...but it also wasn't the 2010 GMC Sierra Hybrid.

I have been feverishly entering the Marlboro 100 Days of Flavor every. single. day. I think I may have missed three days when I was gone to Florida a couple weeks ago, but that has been the only exception!!

I was informed via e-mail that I won the Cuisinart Two to Go® Coffee Maker.

Just what I need...ANOTHER coffee maker! AWESOME! I have one at my desk that has been sitting and collecting dust for a year because I can't figure out how to work it. You would think it would be easy, but no, let me tell you, it is one of those stupid Senseo coffee makers and it takes a Ph D to operate.

Anyway, I am just glad I didn't win the kayak. Seriously, if I can't find a place for a coffee maker, where the hell am I going to put a 12 foot kayak.