Dear People In Our Back Ally at 10:30pm Playing With Fireworks:
You are the biggest douchenozzels EVER. What. THE. MOTHER. FUCK?! Besides the fact that it is 10:30 on a Monday night, WE were trying to watch a little TV before hitting the sack. Your apology was lame and unacceptable. You finally leaving was the smartest thing you have probably done in your lame attempt at life.
Dear God:
Thank you for not making 100 degrees every day this week. Once every six days or so is acceptable. 101 on Saturday was really pushing my physical ability to handle the heat. The air conditioner was unable to keep up as well. As you probably noticed it read a steady 79 degrees in the house for well over three hours. I think 92 degrees is a perfectly hot and reasonable temperature for the South during the Summer.
Dear Tourist:
We really, really, really DO like it when you come to visit our city...but for the love of Jesus Christo, look UP from your maps BEFORE you start walking across the street.
Dear Water Company:
Please don't cut off the water today. I know your letter said you were going to cut it off yesterday, but HONESTLY, we just totally forgot. You are the ONLY company I know that doesn't have a website where you can pay your bill.
Dear Trash People:
I pay you $50.00 every two months to pick up the trash...SO COME PICK UP THE FUCKING TRASH?!? Why do you keep skipping us?!? It's because we are gay isn't it!??!
(LMAO!)
