Be Back After This...

Due to some minor health issues..and by minor, I mean I won't die from anything...at least not today, I am going to take a tiny, tiny break from blogging, but will be back in full force by next week!! YAY!

I was going to the beach this weekend and started not feeling so swell, so I pulled over and let Krystal drive, but by the time we had made it to the beach, I was pretty darn sure I was having a heart attack.

I went to the life guard station where they took my vitals - blood pressure was 184/110 and heart rate was in the 180's. They called an ambulance and took me back to the mainland where they let me know I had a panic attack.

I have an appointment on Thursday to correct this problem as I NEVER want THAT to happen again!

See you soon!!!! XOXO!

Fragile: It's Italian!

Ahhh, so it is fuck off Friday it seems...

Anyway, I just wanted to share this lil bit of work that I AM doing!

We are moving into the 21st century and instead of typing (yes, on a typewriter! WHAT?!?) our new matter labels (that adhere to the file in some shape or form) we are now using self adhesive labels!

The labels came in this box:

SOOOOOooooooo....

Since when did labels become fragile?

I also note that the people that deliver these items STILL can't read, because, as you can see, that box was beat to FUCK and back.

Captain EO

Mom says its cocaine and something else...

I say it is pain medicine and anti-depressants...

No matter what, it is sad.

Oh yeah, I watched the Captain EO...

Shout Out, Tow Away and New Things

Totally forgot to post this earlier this week!

Larkin, myself and Krystal were at Chili's for after work happy hour and were talking about you bloggy peeps...decided to send a shout out to Mama Dawg

I know it is kinda a fuzzy picture...again, those damn camera phones! If only I had an iPhone...

HI!! LOVES!

Toby, Bobby's car, is officially dead. He will be going to live with his cousins at the junk yard. Before that happens Bobby has to get a replacement title, as it has been long lost in one of the 18 moves along the way. That should be here in 7-10 business days. In the meantime, we are going to have to go and get Toby from the mechanic and tow him back to the house.

I don't think I explained how we got Toby to the mechanic in the first place, but it funny!

I shall set the scene for you:

Sunday at about 6:00pm

Two lesbians

One gay guy

One broke ass car

One Jeep with big tires

One big ass, heavy fucking chain

I have PERSONALLY never towed a car before, but I understood how it worked. I have towed various things in my life, lawnmowers, go-carts, 4-wheelers, all stuff that was on my parents property that broke down too far away to be pushed back home.

Turns out towing a car is basically the same. Those hook thingies that are part of the frame are the same and everything.

So, Sunday...let's see...that was a day that got up to about 98 degrees. The previous day it was 101. I discovered that asphalt holds heat well.

So all three of us are laying under Toby feeding this gigantic chain through the hooker-bob-ers and then eventually get that attached to the Jeep with my double-triple knot under knot. (i.e. looked like a huge wad of chain, but I figured it wasn't going to undo itself)

We had to go through three intersections, only one of which actually had a light. We actually did not encounter any traffic, so that was nice...especially since we were going .5 mph. It only sounded like I had ripped Toby in half twice, so that was good. That sound is terrible! I tried to keep the tension on the chain as much as possible.

So that towing experience was less than half a mile.

Now that Toby is completely dead, we now have to tow it back to the house, which is about one mile away with many more intersections and much more traffic. It is going to be a FUN time! It is all in the name of saving $50.00 on towing.

There is some stuff to be removed from the vehicle...like Bobby's sound system...which hasn't worked in over 5 years, but in theory didn't work because of the wiring in the car. We will test that theory when the new vehicle is purchased. The Bobz will get $130 for Toby when the junk yard people come and tow him. (The tow is "free")

SO, all that was to say we are going car shopping AGAIN today!! Three dealerships to visit. The goal is for Bobby to find three cars he likes, rate them on what he would like the most to what he would like the least, find those three cars, get the best deal, get financing and drive away.

Gosh, sounds so easy...

Might very well be the death of the Bobz!

RIP Toby!!

I just wanted to give a shout out to Bobby's car, Toby, a 1995 Geo Prizm that has finally met his end.

Toby kinda looks like this:

Except with the hood held down by a piece of wire, no working signals, the front end coming off, the drivers side door with no handle, the passengers side door can't open all the way, the sunroof leaks, no radio, cracked windshield, no power stearing, no breaks and dented on all four quarter panels.

We will get pictures of him for you before we send him off. It is a sight to behold.

SO, now it is car shopping time. The limit is $200.00 a month. That is about a $10,200.00 car, depending on what they decide with Bobby's credit score and blah blah.

We went and looked at this beauty yesterday:

2008 Toyota Corolla. They claim they can make the $200.00 payment work. I claim they are full of it. HOWEVER, perhaps for a 2005, 2006 or 2007 Corolla, yes. And pretty much the body style is the same and looks great!!

So that is the plan...get some places to go and look and see what we can see.

And we gotta figure out what to do with Toby...one junk yard said they would tow it and give Bobby $130...BUT if we tow a car in to a dealership and they say they will give us $500.00 for it, they are just going to jack the price of the car we are looking at up $500.00. So is it worth the $50.00 tow there?

And I keep saying WE because Bobby has designated me as his associate in this whole car buying thing. I bought my car and my motorcycle and I know they are some fast talking fuckers!

BUT WE GONNA GET DIS!

Any sugestions would be greatly appreciated!!

Dear So-N-So...

Dear People In Our Back Ally at 10:30pm Playing With Fireworks:

You are the biggest douchenozzels EVER. What. THE. MOTHER. FUCK?! Besides the fact that it is 10:30 on a Monday night, WE were trying to watch a little TV before hitting the sack. Your apology was lame and unacceptable. You finally leaving was the smartest thing you have probably done in your lame attempt at life.

Dear God:

Thank you for not making 100 degrees every day this week. Once every six days or so is acceptable. 101 on Saturday was really pushing my physical ability to handle the heat. The air conditioner was unable to keep up as well. As you probably noticed it read a steady 79 degrees in the house for well over three hours. I think 92 degrees is a perfectly hot and reasonable temperature for the South during the Summer.

Dear Tourist:

We really, really, really DO like it when you come to visit our city...but for the love of Jesus Christo, look UP from your maps BEFORE you start walking across the street.

Dear Water Company:

Please don't cut off the water today. I know your letter said you were going to cut it off yesterday, but HONESTLY, we just totally forgot. You are the ONLY company I know that doesn't have a website where you can pay your bill.

Dear Trash People:

I pay you $50.00 every two months to pick up the trash...SO COME PICK UP THE FUCKING TRASH?!? Why do you keep skipping us?!? It's because we are gay isn't it!??!

(LMAO!)

What Do You Mean It Isn't Friday?

Last night was again one of those moments where I mistook Wednesday night for Friday night. It just feels so good at the time...and then Thursday morning hits and you go...SHIT. WTF did I do to myself! And where the hell is my bacon, egg and cheese biscuit?!

So Bobby and I went on an adventure last night. We were SUPPOSED to just be seeing what was going on downtown...and we discovered that there was alot going on!

Not related to this story, during the day I have noticed an exponential increase in the early teenage girl population...my theory is that they are looking for Miley. There have been Miley Cyrus spottings all over Savannah and of course down at Tybee where she is staying.

One of the attorney's here told me that his friend owns one of the restaurants down on Tybee and Miss Cyrus came in to eat. This establishment is mostly made up of the 25-50 age group, therefore no one recognized her when she came in. However, the owner knew who she was and made sure she had a nice eating experience. About 15 minutes after she left the owner had a sudden surge of people come to dine...apparently Miley Twittered her whereabouts, but did so after she had already left! I just think that is hilarious! You may not know much about Tybee, but the overall island speed limit is 35 mph and because of the size of the island, most people just bicycle everywhere. I had the greatest mental image of fifty 13 year old girls, decked out in Hannah Montana gear, peddling their little hearts out, racing across the island to meet her...OK, maybe that is just funny in my head.

Back to last night...so Bobby and I make our first stop at Wild Wing Cafe, where we were joined by my friend Christine and her boyfriend LJ. We eat, we drink, we are merry. Bobby and I leave there and go to Club One. (Famous for its drag shows and Lady Chablis) On the way to Club One we are stopped by a group of tourist from Australia and England asking directions to Club One. We tell them we are going and they follow us. They are with a tour group of all European folk who have come to Savannah as part of their touring of the East Coast. Well, hot damn!! The accents were awesome!

They were having karaoke at Club One so Bobby and I decide to pull out some of our best shit. We did Creep by Radiohead, Shoop by Salt N Pepa and Don't Cha by The Pussycat Dolls.

Nothing.

We thought for sure they would enjoy those selections.

As we were leaving to find another watering hole, one of their own got up and started singing some Randy Travis. Randy-fucking-Travis. They went WILD! WHAT?!? They came from other lands to hear us sing Country karaoke?!? REALLY?!

I figured that perhaps that is what they relate Americans to - Country music. Much like I relate all British folk with fish and chips and all Australians to Crocodile Dundee.

I sure wish I knew that was what they were looking for...we could have totally belted out some Sold by John Michael Montgomery...it has been noted for future reference!

50,000 Visits, Come and Gone...

OH MAN! I am sooo mad at myself for not paying attention to this monumental event!!

I just passed 50,000 visits to my blog! And by just I mean I am already on 51,060.

I MEANT to totally honor visitor 50,000, but alas, I was asleep at the wheel, so I went back as far as I could and will now have to honor visitor 50,960.

Hi there visitor 50,960!! **SHOCKER** You were looking for a picture of Kate Gosselin's haircut! WEIRD. I see that you come from Fairfax County Public Schools in Virginia! I am ECSTATIC to know that the summer is going so well for you...I am assuming you got the summer school bunch...don't worry, they aren't as bad as they seem. I was in summer school once, and I assure you, I did not want to be there any more than you did. Keep on keepin on with your teaching and good luck finding Kate's hair, though if you ask my opinion, these days it isn't looking so great. Check out what her hair looked like earlier LAST year.

In the past 12 months I have noticed a HUGE leap in hits on my blog...this happened in May of this year...wait, hold on, yes, that is EXACTLY when the Jon and Kate scandal came out! I went from 2,000 hits a month for Jon and Kate to almost 10,000 hits a month for Jon and Kate!! This month it has gone down to a much more reasonable 4,000 hits.

It Begins...

The Girl, Krystal, has started on her massive shoulder/half sleeve tattoo...

She loves monkeys! This monkey pretty much represents her at any moment during the day...she wakes up that happy and crazy!

She also incorporated some family stuff within the tattoo...the monkey is wearing an army hat to represent her grandfather that was in the army. Around the neck is the Italian horn to represent her Italian grandfather, the cobra is for her father who is a trucker and his road name thing is cobra, he also has a cobra tattoo.

This is just the line work

This is the shading

All in all this was a four hour session...about three or four more to go! There is still color to be added...very VIVID colors too! It is going to look beautiful!

Also, the shoulder and half sleeve have yet to be started but will be in the theme of ancient ruins and incorporate an elephant for her other grandmother; she collected elephants, an eagle for her brother who is an eagle scout, a bell for her mother who collects bells and the word Jeopardy written in braille for her other grandmother who was blind and "watched" Jeopardy all the time.

In the first picture you will see that she already has the hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil monkey tattoo, this will be incorporated within the ruins as well...they will be part of the stone blocks which will be part of the arch that the bell representing her mother will hang. It is pretty much going to be the most awesome tattoo you have ever seen in your life.

The Lord Cumeth Soon!

Good afternoon my lil love blossoms!

It was an early morning for me and thank goodness for one reason...and really one reason only... Jehovah Witnesses. They came a knock'in, as they usually do, at around 10:00am. They come to deliver the good news:

We usually thank them and send them on their way.

This morning I was the lucky one to answer the door...a husband and wife teaming up for the good Jehovah, and through the cracked door (the kitty's escape sometimes) the lady saw our light ornaments:

And she states, "Ohhhh! Aren't those cute! Little fingers for your light switches!"

I didn't know what to say, so I said, "Yep, helps us find the light switch in the dark!"

Fingers. LMAO! I wasn't sure if I should be embarrassed or just die laughing on the spot. For the record, I think the husband saw what they really were as I caught a sideways glance at his wife as if to say..."Ummmm, huuuunnnny...uhhh, no..."

I'm Not a Highly Metaphysical Man...Well, for Obviously Reasons

I totally forgot to show you bitches this picture I took of Michael Franti of Michael Franti & Spearhead who played at our free concert in Forsyth...which you can read about here.

So here is Michael Franti playing soccer:

No, really, it totally is...it is just that I don't have a detachable lens on my cell phone camera, so that is all you get, mmmmmmmmk.

I have decided that this song makes me happy and I love it. And I love you.

And I'm Back...

I took a the middle of the week to travel to the bottom of Florida

to take my friends Frances and Bobbie to Bonita Springs, Florida. Bonita Springs is about 8 1/2 hours from Savannah. Bobbie's ex-husband had a car that he has fixed up for her, since hers is on the shits, and she needed a ride to get down there. Frances was going to take her, but Frances' directional sense is a tad bit off and when I mean a tad, I mean if I had listened to either one of them on how to get down there we would be in Vegas right now. Plus, I like to drive anyway!

We arrived Tuesday night about 7:30 and promptly hit up the liquor store for our beer purchases. We visited with Bobbie and her ex (which by the way, they still consider themselves together, they talk everyday, but they are a MUCH better couple when they live 500 miles from each other) and I drank 1/2 of the 12 pack I bought. We then headed to our hotel room.

Me and Frances

So when Frances and I were a little tipsy we had a lil discussion about a picture we saw in the elevator. Here is the picture:

Now, what kind of animal is "driving" that truck? (Click if you need a larger view) Yes, exactly. But I will tell you what Frances INSISTED it was at the end of this post, so just keep that animal in mind.

The next day we went to the dog races. OMG. I LOVED IT!

Bobbie and Frances at the dog track

Here is a lil video of the dog race action!

I have never been to dog races before...nor have I really ever gambled! I won on my first bet! One $2 bet got me $8! Then I won my second bet! Put down $2 won $16!! I bet two more times, but spent less than $20 overall! It was a wonderful time!!

After the dog races, Frances and I decided to hit the road and travel up the coast to see what we could get into. Bobbie decided to stay for the rest of the week and visit with the grandkids and such.

The plan was to just stop wherever looked most awesome. This is what we found:

That is the view from our beach front room. Amazing! I love the gulf and it's white sands and beautiful blue water! Ohhhh I could have stayed there forever!

This was our hotel

We walked around Ft. Myers Beach and visited a few bars with live bands! Had a blast watching this one band called Down South Rockers. They were ALOT of fun to watch and were really quite a good band!

We came home and enjoyed some cold beers that Frances, so geniusly, put in the sink to cool. (Please note the bottle top opener attached to the sink. This hotel knows what's up!)

We woke up the next morning and had coffee and cigs on our porch and enjoyed the view

Like I said, the view was great...yes, please...

Then Frances and I headed out and made the trek back home! It was a lovely middle of the week vacation!

(So, Frances said the animal in the picture was a dog. Raise your hand if you agree that is a freakin RACOON! Sometimes I don't know what to do with that woman!)

Thursday Myth Busters!

1. It is cold and/or warm and/or raining and/or there is a chance in the weather and my arthritis is acting up.

It has not yet been proven that weather reliably affects arthritis. That said, it has not been disproved, either. Attempts to study the effects of weather are fraught with difficulty. There are many different types of arthritis and many different features of the weather that could act in combination to have an impact on joint symptoms. In fact, it’s not clear to me that a definitive study is even possible. (Source)

I can tell you from PERSONAL experience, my arthritis in my knee does NOT act up with weather changes. It DOES act up when I overuse my knee i.e. during St. Patrick’s Day when I am walking a million blocks and doing the porta potty squat all day. I HAVE noticed that when it is cold it hurts; however, I have ALSO discovered it is because I am all tensed up due to the cold outside and it is actually my muscles around my knee that hurt as opposed to the lack of cartilage between my knee bones.

2. Facebook/MySpace and all those other sites I am painfully addicted to are going to start charging.

Get a life fucktard. They aren’t going to start charging. (Source)

3. Watching TV in the dark will ruin your eyes.

A television is a cathrode ray tube with is in effect shooting light onto pixels. Therefore when you watch TV in the dark you are basically watching a light. Having an alternate light source in the room will make no difference whatsoever to your eyes, except if that light source is reflecting off the glass TV screen which would cause a glare. (Source)

Wednesday Myth Busting

1. Going outside with your hair wet or without a jacket will cause you to catch a cold.

You get sick from germs, not the elements. A cold is caused by the rhinovirus. In actuality, cold weather makes people stay indoors which actually INCREASES person-to-person transmission of the common cold. (Source)

2. Can Vitamin C Cure Colds?

Oranges, grapefruits and other vitamin C-loaded foods have many health benefits. But study after study has shown that the vitamin does little—if anything—to cure, prevent or even shorten the duration of the common cold. (Source)

3. The flu vaccine causes you to get the flu/get sick.

The Centers For Disease Control and Prevention are emphatic that you cannot get the flu from a flu shot. The vaccine is made from killed or “inactivated” viruses, which can’t be transmitted. However, you may experience a few side effects which mimic the disease such as aches and a low-grade fever. (Other source)

Tuesday Myth Busters

AH HA! I tricked-ed-ed you! I am setting up my blog to post until I get back on Friday. It will be nothing but myth buster week!!

1. Those that go swimming less than one hour after eating will be taken by a cramp and drown.

Although muscle in the calves, feet, and hands while swimming are not unknown, they are certainly not life threatening provided the swimmer does not panic. The sharpest charley horse can be tamed by tensing and relaxing the afflicted muscle, a treatment any swimmer can manage to perform. Even if the cramp is left untreated, it will not cause the swimmer to slip beneath the waves. One can simply float until help arrives. (Source)

2. Poinsettias are toxic.

They aren’t. No, you can read about it at my source. Just know that if you eat plants you need help anyway.

3. Tulips are poisonous if a cat eats them.

Tulips are not considered poisonous, but consuming a stem and petals may certainly contribute to a bout of diarrhea. You may even notice some vomiting simply from the ingestion of the fiber and the volume of plant matter they consumed. Again, don’t eat plants. (Source)

Another Weekend: Came and Went

That title could be dirty if you wanted it to be.

Sooooooooooo, we have Miley Cyrus and you don't! That's right! She is here. Right. NOW. In Savannah! I know this because 1) it was in the paper and 2) TWITTER. I have assured her, via Twitter, that the weather will indeed improve...and by improve, I mean it will be less cloudy and more muggy.

Spent Saturday helping my friend Christine clean up her new place and unpack some boxes.

Spent Sunday waking up earlier than I wanted, thanks to the upstairs neighbors having dance practice in the room above where I sleep. I honestly could kill them. I don't know how they do it. They are up all night, up early in the morning, ALWAYS loud and now their dog is starting to pee on our porch. Really, she is peeing on THEIR porch, but since it is directly above OUR porch it just trickles on down and now was have lovely yellow puddles of pee whenever we walk out back. I have yet to speak to them about this issue, but BELIEVE me it is on the LIST.

We also went to Tybee on Sunday (No, not to stalk Miley) to celebrate my Frances' birthday!! YAY for turning 62!! If she only knew where this blog was she would probably kill me for announcing her age...but I don't care because I think it is a WONDERFUL thing!!

This is the not ready picture:

This is the ready one:

We had beer and ice cream cake, which actually went together fabulously!

I also caught Boo Boo passed out drunk...AGAIN:

I am saddened to inform you that I will be absent from blogging for the rest of the week. I have volunteered to drive Frances and our other former co-worker/Frances' former sister in law (complicated isn't it?) to Bonita Springs, Florida tomorrow. I shall not return until Thursday.

I am excited for a few things:

1) ROAD TRIP! WAHOO!

2) GIRL ROAD TRIP!!!!

3) DOG RACES! WHAT?! Oh yes, I get to see my very first dog races! I promise to not take a dog home, but I am going to want to.

4) Beer.

Bonita Springs is like 8 1/2 hours away though! I had no idea! I will be across the way from Miami!!

I have also been entering Marlboro's 100 days of Flavor contest and I don't even smoke Marlboro! Shhhhhhhhhhh, no telling! I got my heart set on the Blu Ray player and OF COURSE the Harley, but I will probably end up winning the fucking kayak.

OK, I think I have covered everything! Love ya! Mean it!

Day Two

I sure miss me a Syber Kitty. We were watching TV last night in Bobby's room and the only part of the house that we smoke in is his room because he has a door that opens to the back porch, so typically, when we are back there, we keep his bedroom door shut.

Syber had the habit of meowing at the door until we would let him in...then he would come in, look around for a second, go back to the door, stare at the door knob and meow at it until we let him back out. This would probably happen 10 times in an hour...Bobby often said he needed to put a cat door in.

Watching TV last night just wasn't the same. I kept expecting to hear that very familiar meow.

Shower time is different too. Syber LOVED water...not like jump in the pool water, but showers were his thang! He would get up on the side of the tub EVERY morning and pace the tub wall, sticking his head in occasionally to play with the drops of water. Every now and then, if you held the water back enough, he would get in the tub with you so he could chase the water that was draining.

The last two morning Kitter has taken over Syber's spot.

I think it is just another one of those things where animals "just know". BTW, that q-tip is on the ground because Kitter goes NUTS for a q-tip. I can barely clean my ears in the morning without her beating my leg half to death begging for one. Strange one that one. And please ignore the trashcan. Thanks.

After licking the shower curtain, while I brushed my teeth, Syber would usually come into my room while I got dressed. He would normally "knead bread dough" on the bed, purring away...and now Boo Boo and Kizzy have taken over his exact spot in the bed. Again, one of those things where I think they just know.

Either that or they are having an affair. They do look a little suspicious.

Syber Memorial

You have two ways you can go through life...you can go through as solitaire as possible, making as little friends as possible and living life without fear of loosing the friends you don't have, OR you can go through life and make as SO many friends, live it up and have great heartache when they are gone.

I relate the above to our animals. As you know, we have ALOT of animals. I have ALWAYS been an animal lover and was lucky enough to fall in love with another animals lover as well as find a roommate who loves animals too.

Last night I was preparing to go over to my friend Christine's new place, to help her clean before she moves in, when I heard a meow. This meow was not a normal meow, so I went to investigate. I found Syber Kitty pulling himself around by his front legs; his back legs were dragging behind him.

We immediately took him to the emergency vet where we discovered he had a heart arrhythmia and a blood clot had formed in his back leg area. There was nothing they could do, as the blood clots would keep forming and most likely within days, no longer than a week, one would hit his heart, lung or brain. So we had to let Syber go last night.

Here is to my little brave buddy who made it a little over a year. We miss you!!!

Had The Tattoo Too!

It might be a little difficult to tell, but in person, it was very notable! I was a little bit of a wee-tawd and totally thought I had a good before picture to compare to the after picture...turns out I don't. Well, at least not one that I can find.

I got my triquetra re-done-did yesterday. I took a few pics for ya to see!

BEFORE: (I know, it is small, but you can see how faded it is just after two years!)

AFTER:

BEFORE:

AFTER: (Click for better visual)

And damn if I haven't gained some weight again...stupid Taco Bell. And Beer. And Mexican food.

Beach Days and Kittens

The beach day on Saturday was lovely!! As usual, we had some great people watching...

Guys (and sometimes girls) doing beer bong after beer bong:

Michelle and Erica were our hosts...and Michelle was awesome enough to grab a tent on her way down! It was a GREAT tent!

We took some time out to check out Michelle's hot ass, I encourage you to do the same!!

We also saw some not-so-hot ass

Kids, crack is STILL whack.

I also wore my bombtastic toe shoes

After the beach we went and ate at The Crab Shack. I was dripping in crab and butter by the time it was all over with. It was a beautiful massacre!

And now for some moments of cute cat action:

Syber Kitty sleeping in the laundry lid with Krystal's bag. A.Dor.Able.

Syber Kitty sleeping in the dryer...furring up all the clean clothes.

Kitter helping Krystal play X-Box

Boo Boo noticing I am taking pictures...

...and then posing for me