Happy New Year!!

2008 is upon us… I can't believe it! I was trying to think about what to blog about and I thought I would look back at my past blogs for the year to find out what I did. Most of my adventures run together and I can't believe that some of them happened a year ago! They seem like yesterday…

Here is the run down of great things (and sometimes not so great) that happened to me in 2007:

I went to a strip club for the first time.

My friends, Brian, Christine and Justin moved down to Savannah.

Moved to a new place within Savannah.

I sold my house.

I saw many friends from back in the day: most memorable has been Jenny (and husband John), Holly (and husband Seth) and Heather (and husband Gary) and all their respective children. Hanging out with J. Wood here in Savannah and in Macon! Good times there! And seeing good friends like Casey and her husband play in their band Paris Luna.

Went to a wedding. (Steph)

Went to a baby shower. (Holly)

Met new people. (Linds, Grayson, Leslie…)

My car got towed.

Met a celebrity. (Miss J from America's Next Top Model)

Started singing karaoke a lot!

Got pulled over and asked to take a breathalyzer.

Played Cranium with friends.

Played in a Guitar Hero tournament.

Had some GREAT beach days with all the friends!

I know there were many other fun and great things that happened, most of them small, yet they made such a difference in how much fun I had this year! I am wishing you ALL at great 2008!!!

I can't wait to see what happens next year!

I love you all!

Jess

My Merry Christmas!

My Christmas was awesome, as usual. Family and friends is such a great part of Christmas for me. Especially since I am now at an age where getting more stuff is more of an inconvenience than anything else. The only thing I can think of is "where am I going to put THAT?!" Thankfully, this year, everything was totally put-able somewhere. Some gift cards that get put in my wallet and used to buy important things like underwear and toilet paper. PJ's that are so wonderfully soft and sleepable. And some money from my G-Ma that has already been put to use buying gas to get back home!

So we left on Sunday around 11:00. The drive down I-16 is very, very boring. About an hour and a half into the drive I see pretty lights in the rear view which was then followed by an exasperated "Oh shit" sigh from me. Georgia State Patrol aka God's Special People had decided that I was speeding. I had the cruise control on and I am pretty darn sure that I set that sucker at 75 (speed limit is 70) so yes, technically, I guess I was speeding, but Officer Young Buck said I was going 85. This is just the beginning. He comes around to Krystal's side of the vehicle and asks for the normal identification. He takes a look and asks me to step out of the vehicle. He asks if I had been drinking tonight because I reeked of alcohol. Pssshhhaahhh! WHAT?! Bastard is insulting my perfume! Anyway, he tells me he is going to conduct a field sobriety test, so I get a little excited that I am going to get to walk the line and say my ABC's. (I practiced the LMNOP part in my head a little – taking advise from Sylvia from Intervention. According to her, that is where they getcha cause you go lmnop really fast and slur it) BUT, instead he just made me blow. Twice. Both times I came up at .05, because, yes, I did have a beer before I left Savannah an HOUR ago. Let it be known that the limit is .08, I was well under.

Since he didn't get me on the drunk driving part he THEN decides to accuse us of trafficking drugs. Apparently the Jeep smelled like marijuana to him. So he tells Krystal to get out of the Jeep and says that it just reeks (apparently this is his new favorite word that he just learned in GSP school last week). We tell him that there are no drugs in the vehicle and that we don't even smoke weed. He says he does this everyday and has been doing it a long time and he knows what he smells. SO we give him permission to search the vehicle. It is getting to be slightly entertaining at this point cause he is just looking like a dumbass now. Other than the fact that we are standing on the side of I-16 at 12:30 in the morning and it is freezing, this could have been even MORE fun! After the fact I thought about how, if we were not in such a hurry to get to Macon AND it was so cold, we should have asked for the dogs to be brought out, along with is superior officer, cause this is total harassment. So Officer Ima Badass says that he is finding TONS of (pot) seeds in the floor of the car. Mmmkk. See that is interesting there Officer, cause WE DON'T SMOKE WEED, we drink like damn fish, but geeezus, there is really no pot in there! Again, I think we were both just so frustrated with the situation that we didn't bother to ask about these seeds that he was finding, we just stood there shaking our heads. In hindsight, I would have LOVED to see what he THOUGHT were seeds. We did, however, take a look later, we found some sesame seeds from our hamburgers along with your common variety of seeds that come from various plants such as Bahia grass. This is a Jeep after all and we do take it out at times to go off road.

After he turns up nothing he comes back to us and tells us that we are incredibly intoxicated and we need to get off at the next exit and get something to eat. HELLO!!! I blew a .05! I could get that from using mouthwash!! Are you KIDDING! He also tells us that we need to get rid of the marijuana in the car. 'TARD.

After about 30 minutes of him looking ridiculous he says he is going to let me go with a warning. WOW…YA THINK? Amazing really…cause if he really did think I was intoxicated, hauling drugs AND speeding one would venture to guess that he would write me a ticket for SOMETHING.

So, yeah, that is how it started off. Let me just say that we did get lucky in one aspect. Krystal did have a beer with her about 30 minutes before we got pulled over, but when we stopped to get something to eat she threw it away. For that I am thankful cause open container is a pretty hefty fine!

Other than that lil fiasco the rest of the trip was great! I got to see my basketball coach Derzi and that was a nice visit. I also got to visit with my good friends from way back (4th grade to be exact) Holly and Heather. They both have BEAUTIFUL children and Heather is due to have a baby boy in the early months of next year! I got to meet Holly's little boy William for the first time; what a sweetheart! I also got to see Heather's baby girl, Gracie, again, but this time she was actually talking. She is gorgeous and full of energy! I like her already!

It was good to see family as well…lots of good food as usual!

Mom and Dad bought them and the boys a nice 50" plasma. I can't believe that I won't be there to enjoy it, but WHATEVER, I'm not mad. NO, nuh uh, not me. Nope. [sticking tongue out]

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I expect the new year to be as great as the last!!

I do have a funny story to tell that has nothing to do with Christmas, but a little to do with family.

My family went to church with this lady and her husband back when I was quite young. The husband fell ill (proper use of grammar there, thank you) sometime earlier this year and went into a coma. During his coma the kids, and even his mother, were in his room arguing about money that they were going to get and basically acted like a bunch of vultures ready to feed. Well, he woke up…and he had heard EVERYTHING. He immediately went and got his will changed, gave everything to his wife, even wrote his own MOTHER out of the will, and ended up dying about six months after that. The kids got NOTHING. Sweet justice that is! I told my mom and dad to spend EVERYTHING! I can't really speak for my brothers, but as the oldest I will, I insist that my parents enjoy themselves and spend everything they worked for…I think they are getting a good start by buying that plasma…so keep it up mom and dad!!!

In Honor Of...

In honor of Office Mate posting that very hilarious sign...I found a few more that made me laugh oh so much:

Excess

I have excessively been going out these last few weeks (months) and I will successfully be staying in tonight.

Don't call. Don't write. I will be dead.

Other than that, about a week ago we were trying to figure out which cat to kill for pissing on the carpet. The house smelled like a mixture between cat pee and sour laundry. I had almost pinned downed the culprit when I was frolicking through the living room, in only my socks, and I stepped upon a wet spot. I did the normal wet sock dance (eww ewww yuck eww) and then investigated. Water. Freakin stupid effing mother bleeping air/heating unit leaked everywhere...AGAIN. (3rd time)

The cats were innocent the whole time.

I called the air dude and the carpet dude and the carpet dude called back first. He came out and sucked out all the water he could and then stripped back the carpet from whence forth a putrid smell arose, it was god awful nasty. I think if we had let it sit for another week we could have grown some tasty mushrooms and other fungus of your liking.

The carpet dude pulled out the padding and said we had to let it dry out for a week or so. So the house is totally overturned, the carpet is lumpy in spots and hard to walk on without the padding there. It smells SO MUCH BETTER though!

Ah, Children!

Joe (the boss) is gone for the holidays...he went skiing in Colorado with his kids, so I am here at work re-arranging files and writing blogs...

There is a lady here at work that has custody of her grandson, who is five.

Wednesday she gets a note from his school saying they need to have a conference because of some behavior issues in the classroom and wanted her to meet the teacher and principal at 7:30 the next morning. She couldn't meet them then, but was able to make it this morning.

They told her that the class was learning their letters i.e. A is for...what? Absinthe, exactly. B is for....Beer. Yes, very good class...ok, just kidding, anyway, A is for Apple and B is for Box and so on and so forth. Well, they get to "N" and the teacher calls on Lil "J" - and yes, at this point I am really holding my breath, living in the South and all, I was prepared for the something rhyming with chigger, but alas, Lil "J" stands up and says, "N is for NUTS! And I have some right here!" [points to his crotch]

I about DIED laughing...that is the cutest thing EVER! Of course my co-worker just gave them the eye and basically let it be known that she doesn't have time in the mornings to come to such meetings and if it is REALLY important, let her know...but shit, the kid is 5 years old...of COURSE he is going to say nuts! Nuts are a big part of his life and have been since he discovered them when he was 6 months old! Incidentally, they will be a big part of his life for the rest of his life...come on people...get. a. life.

Anyway, then this got me to thinking about a story I heard from my ex. He was called one day, away from work, because his 6 year old son had said the "F" word. So the principal calls my ex and says, "Mr. R. you are going to need to come down to the school, Lil "D" said the "F" word today in class". So of course "C" heads down to the school and sits down with his son and the principal and says, "Ok, son, you know the "F" word is bad, right?

"Yes, Daddy."

"Ok. Do you even know what the "F" word means?"

"Yes."

[leans over and whispers]

"It's when air comes out of your heinie"

At this point "C" excuses his son from the principal's office and then looks up at the principal and asks, "SO, let me get this straight...you FUCKING called me out of the FUCKING office because my son said FART?!?"

The principal was very apologetic...turns out he hadn't actually asked the teacher WHICH "F" word Lil "D" had used, though after that meeting with "C" he was well aware of the difference and as he heard the real "F" word used more times than he heard in Beverly Hills Cop and Pulp Fiction combined.

Oh the joys of children! I am looking forward to it...though it won't be for another decade or so.

Christmas List - The First 5

It is high time I post my Christmas list.

1. Answer Me Jesus



There is nothing more sacrilegious than a pink, 11 inch tall, magic 8 ball in the shape of Jesus. I LOVE IT! My favorite answer is "I died for this?"


2. Absinthe



I wanna see the green fairy tooooo!!! I feel certain that this bottle of Absinthe would correlate fantastically with Answer Me Jesus.

3. Ski Mittens Made For Smokers



Ever been on the ski lift or just skiing your lil heart out down a mountain and thought, "Damn, sure do need a smoke!" Well, ladies and gentlemenses, your answer is here! Talk about habit.

4. USB Pole Dancer



I feel certain my life wouldn't be the same after you get me this gift. I never have enough USB ports for everything I want to plug into my computer, but I will make an exception for this. Why can't I think of things like this and make a few bucks?!?

In lieu of the USB Pole Dancer, I will accept this as well:

USB Humping Dog




5. A Glow In The Dark Kitty



No really, I insist!! I want this in place of the hairless one. This is amazing! How often do you wish your animals would glow?! The answer is: All the Effin Time!!! I don't think I would be able to resist taking my cat to the club...

Sunday Night Bar Adventures

I forgot to tell ya'll that on Sunday I met this homeless guy at the bar I was at. He was obviously intoxicated and obviously homeless, but very friendly. His name was Dave. Dave INSISTED on talking to me and everyone in the surrounding area. Our conversation went something like this:

[Dave walks in with a large pizza from next door and attempts to open it from the wrong end. I turn his pizza box around for him and open it]

Dave: Gee, how intox-imkated do yous haves to be to not be able to open a pizzr bocks? What's your name?

Me: Jessica

Dave: Heeeyyy Jezzeca, I'm Dave.

Me: Hi Dave...good to meet you.

Dave: What are you drinking?

Me: Miller Light...I see you are drinking a pitcher as well.

Dave: Yeah. Heeeyyy, what are youuuu eatzing?

Me: Tater tots and cheese.

Dave: Oh wowww. How much did that coszt you?

Me: I am not sure. I didn't look.

Dave: Oh. That must be nicze to not havez to pay att-en-shun to that kind of thing. I got this whoooollle pizzr for hate dollerrrz. ($8 for those that don't speak drunk)

Me: Wow. That really IS a good deal!

Dave: So, Jennifer (note name change) how'd jew getz here?

Me: I drove.

Dave: No, no. Really, thizis deep. Listen. HowDizShoeGetHere? What pathz inlife did cross to be here noow? You know whhaat Jennifer? Life es about odds. What are the odds that you would be hurs sa-night?

Me: Well, pretty good since I have been coming here on Sundays for a good month now. You know, Sunday night football is really fun to watch AND there is karaoke tonight.

Dave: Well, let me tell you somethins Jennifer. I was ab-ducted, by the alien types, and they shot 250,000 voltz of elec-trimisity in me and I tell you what Jennifer, after that it makes you think differently.

Me: Yeah, Dave, I guess that would.

Dave: You knowhatelse?

Me: [eyebrow raised]

Dave: I am headin to Vegas. Have you ever been to Vegas for Newyearz?

Me: No.

Dave: Well, thatistheplace tobe. I have lot of money and you know I just want to have fun, but the fun is that I know how to beat the syztemz out there. I know how they trick you. It isn't about the money Jennifer, it is about the game and how to get the money. See thatzdeep.

About this time he started pouring beer from his pitcher allllll over the bar, missing his cup completely, and the bar tender comes over and tells him he is going to have to start paying attention...all the while looking at me as if to say, "Miss, let me know if he is bothering you." I give a knowing smile and mouth that he is OK for now. After all, the conversation could get better.

Dave: You know, Imthekindaguy that doesn't give a FUCK. I will cut your liver outcha.

Me: What would you want my liver for? To drink on?

Dave: Jennifer, you are funny. You have pretty eyes. Has anyone told you that?

Me: You are the first one today. Thank you Dave.

Dave: Mannn, if I juzt metchu 30 years ago...wheeewwweeee!

Me: Dave, I wasn't even born 30 years ago.

Dave: Ok then, howzabout 20 years ago.

Me: Dave, I was six.

Dave: Well, how about now??

Me: I find the traveling lifestyle to be a bit trying on me. I like to blow dry my hair and apply make-up in the morning...not to mention shower. Plus I like to eat and sleep indoors and most of all, Dave, I have to show up for work in the morning.

Dave: Yeah, I can't work right now. I am trying to stay low.

Me: Oh, are you on probation?

Dave: No. Some peoples been followin me for a while. I know who they are, but they don't know I know. Seeethatzdeep.

Me: Yes, very deep.

At this point in time Dave misses his cup AGAIN and pours the rest of his pitcher on the bar/floor. The bartender tells him he has to leave now...so they call him a cab and that was the end of it.

You meet the most interesting people in this world.

I hope Dave makes it to Vegas for New Years - or at the very least THINKS he is in Vegas for New Years.

Brush, Brush, Brush, All Day Long, Brush, Brush, Brush, While I Sing This Song

How long have you been brushing your teeth?! My guess (and hope) is for QUITE SOME TIME.

There has never been a moment, in that small fraction of my day that I have in the morning, that I thought, "Damn, this shit is hard! I think I need some help! Am I pressing too hard? Do I switch sides now?"

I am only under the assumption that a massive amount of the population is with me on this.

But then I see this:

The Oral B Triumph™ with SmartGuide™ AKA You Dumb Shit You Just Spent $140.00 on a TOOTHBRUSH When We Sell Them For $1.00 Two Shelves Down

Their slogan is "So You Never Brush Alone". WTF? Were the psychologist of the world reporting a higher than number of depressed people because they had to brush alone?! Don't most people brush alone?

The Smart Guide helps you keep track of the recommended two minutes you should brush. Two minutes. Now, I have a tough time over about, say, 15 minutes, I am pretty much guaranteed to loose track of time then, but how fucking A.D.D. do you have to be that you don't know that it has been about 2 minutes? You need a $140 machine to tell you?!

This toothbrush will also let you know where to resume if you have paused in the middle of brushing. Again, two minutes here people, if you can't keep on track for two minutes of your day, without pausing, you are in for a seriously rough day.

I am just mystified by it all. Of course, that is not to say that if you went out and bought me one for Christmas I wouldn't use it. Shiiiiit. That things has more accessories than my motorcycle! I would be playing with that toothbrush for days...but please don't...I would have to call you a DUMBASS to your sweet lil face and that would break my heart...or make me laugh...one or the other.

Weekend Update!

Had a pretty fun weekend this weekend!

Friday night I went out to Karaoke. God I love me some Karaoke! I sang and danced and sang...and danced. It was great!

Saturday we got up and went down to the beach so Krystal and I could take some pictures of my friend, Christine, and her siblings. This is going to be their Christmas gift to their Mother. Here are a few of shots: (it was quite foggy at the beach Saturday)

Keep in mind they will be on a much larger scale, with much better clarity.

Saturday night we took a little trip out to the next county over for some fun in the woods. Krystal works with the girl that owns the property. Our location was about an hour from Savannah. We get close to our location and we are told to wait on them to come and get us...so we do...and before we know it we are surrounded by a dune buggy, a mule and a four wheeler. Keep in mind we are in the MIDDLE OF BFE...no street signs, no real roads to speak of, just dirt and fields. So they escort us down a "driveway" that takes about 10 minutes to get down, and I get this overwhelming feeling like I am in some bad horror movie...this place was THE place to go if you wanted to get killed via a horrible horror movie killing. We finally make it to this old, old ollllld, farm house, built in approximately year 15 A.D., and start getting our drink on.

After a few shots of Tequila and about 5 beers, we too decide to go out on some adventures on the dune buggy. Ohhhh there is nothing like breathing in dirt and being shot at with Roman Candles while dodging trees and branches and other people on motorized transportation. Did I mention there was drinking AND fireworks? Oh and guns too. AND a bonfire. Really, there is nothing that gets me lovin life than some rednecks and the games they play! LOVE IT!

We both had to work in the morning, so we left about 2:00am and headed back to Savannah.

It was a GREAT weekend. I hate I didn't get any pictures of it...but I did notice some people taking pictures and I asked if there was a MySpace I could find them on...and they have one...now I just have to find them!

Give Give Give

I had a perfect day planned out for myself...I was going to drink alot of coffee (I succeeded in that thanks to Magan who brought me a steaming hot white chocolate mocha this morning, oh how I love her so!) and then I was going to just eat a little something for lunch so that tonight, when I went to the bar for my Pre-Friday celebration, I could drink less/get drunk more.

Well, then the freakin Red Cross calls me today, for the umteenthmillion time this month, and asks if I can please donate today, they are running low for the holidays. Well, fuck me running. Look lady, I have a very important schedule full of very important things that selfishly only include me and you want me to go and save some lives or something?!?

So now I am eating a Subway and laying off the caffeine (as specifically instructed by Ms. Red Cross Lady - how did she know?!)

You may THINK that giving a pint of blood would have really fun effects if you go and drink right afterwards, but it doesn't. I ran that test earlier this year. I am even quite sure I blogged about it.

By the way, I jest about all of this...I really do think it is important to give blood. I am O- so I can give to everyone. This past month my grandfather had open heart surgery and had to receive many units of blood, as he was having a very tough time clotting. When I visited him in the ICU I looked up and saw that he was receiving O-...I couldn't help but think of the person that gave that blood and thank them for helping MY grandfather out.

So give blood, it is important...and you get cookies afterwards!!! YAY!

¿Me pregunto qué porn suena como en español?

Interesting that my day would start off like it did - I woke up this morning with a blog in mind…and as I was leaving the house...oh well, let me start from the beginning...

Dreams have always been an interest of mine…I happen to dream almost every night; it is a rare night that I don't remember dreaming. I have to say my favorite dream times are when you are sick, like last time I was sick with pneumonia, and they give you some kind of cough medicine that has codeine in it…now THOSE are some vivid dreams! Mine are like in Technicolor after taking some of that stuff. It has been a while since I have had some, so I don't really know what that has to do with anything…

So dreams…they are very interesting. I have a reoccurring dream that I am in high school, but I am the age I am now and I have this superior/inferior complex about me because I am watching all these kids and I am sitting in on the classes and all I can keep thinking is, "I already know all this shit! As a matter of fact I already have a college degree, why am I here?" And the answer is always that they found out, all these years later, that I needed a few classes and they gave me my high school diploma on accident. (by the way, I just spelled diploma – deploma, perhaps I SHOULD go back to school) So I am very interested to what that dream might mean. I have looked it up on a few dream sites online, but none really were that great at translating.

Last night I had a dream that I was laying in bed, at a house that I don't recognize, but it is obviously where I lived, at least in my dream. Apparently, my parents are living with me, or I with them, cause my father comes in and wakes me up for work. I wake up and all around me are all these vibrators and dildos and they are allllll buzzing up a storm! I am just waking up so I am a little confused at first as to what is going on and then I am MORTIFIED! I am trying to turn them off, but they won't turn off and I am trying to shove them in drawers and they just isn't enough time to make it not look obvious, because it is so obvious, but Dad didn't say a word, he just acted like nothing was going on.

What does it all mean people?!?

You know how when you dream about someone and you are mad at them in your dream and you wake up mad at them? Yeah, I woke up embarrassed as hell. I am so glad my father lives 2 ½ hours away and I don't have to see him anytime soon. I probably wouldn't be able to look him in the eye.

So we have an upstairs neighbor now. He is about, oh, 8'2", well not so much, but he is freakin tall! His name is Steve. That is pretty much all I can tell you about Steve. OH and he plays his music really, really loud on Saturday at about 8:30AM…and I found out this morning that there is something else he likes to do at 8:30AM.

I was in the bathroom getting my hairs did and I heard this noise, so I stopped the hair dryer and listened…nothing. I started blow drying again, heard the noise again, stopped and listened…nothing…so I just finished up my routine. I got out in the foyer (we live in a renovated house to apartment and it has a front door that everyone comes in and then you can either go to our door downstairs or the upstairs to the upstairs apartment door), so I got out to the foyer and I hear this, "Ohhhh ohhh yesss, yessssssss, miiii pop-eee" I stopped, NOT looking back up at the stairs (I was afraid), cocked my head to one side so that I could make sure that I was hearing what I thought I was hearing…why yes, I was hearing EXACTLY what I thought I was hearing. Spanish porn. At 8:55AM.

STEVEN!!

Good God Man!

Let Little Steve rest!

How can you wake up and thrash one out that early in the morning? It is hard enough just to get the motion of brushing my teeth down…much less all THAT work…again, I am assuming this is, again, something that is beyond my comprehension because I have a Va-Jay Jay. *sigh*

Lots to Post About Today...

I got this in an e-mail from a friend today...and it just reminded me how fucking stupid people can be. Check out this fabulous fake I.D.

No really. Now where did he think he was gonna pass this off? "Oh, this is me and my conjoined twin?"

I just can't quit laughing at this...it makes me wish I was a cop or bouncer cause I would have so many good things to blog about!!!

OH and my Secret Santa gave me this:

Oh yeah! It's a pooping polar bear...aka a Poo-Lar Bear!!

Imaginary People and Yacking

My morning routine consists of me getting to work approximately 5 minutes late, everyday, which is really pretty ridiculous since I only live a few blocks away and it usually takes me less than 4 minutes to get to work...anyway, besides that, I come into work, sit down, check my e-mail for work, my gmail account, get Yahoo IM up and running, get MySpace IM up and running, check out all the new bulletin posts, new pictures, new blogs, go to look at some of my other favorite blogs such as Boobs, Injuries, & Dr. Pepper, The Sneeze and The Daily WTF.

I was reading another one of my favorites, Dooce, and today she spoke of this: (btw, Chuck is her DOG)

"After lifting Leta out of the back seat and handing her her lunch box, I close the door to our car and begin to turn toward the entrance of her school. Out of the corner of my eye I see Chuck hop down into the space behind the front passenger seat to get at the bowl of Cheerios Leta brought with her for the ride, so I turn back to the window of the car, press my index finger menacingly against the glass and start screaming YOU'D BETTER NOT EAT THOSE DAMN CHEERIOS. And when I turn back to grab Leta's hand I notice a man across the street who is trying to open the door of his car but is having trouble because he's just witnessed an unkempt woman wearing pajamas in the middle of a parking lot, yelling at an imaginary person about breakfast cereal."

This reminded me of when it first became popular to have an earpiece in your ear when you were talking on the phone. I remember being at Wal Mart and watching this lady from afar swinging her hands in a very strange fashion and speaking quite vehemently to what seemed to be the air. I probably saw three more of these crazy folks before I realized they were actually on the phone. Of course these days this kind of thing is common place, but anyway, I thought the above blog was hilarious and no doubt going to be me one day!

So speaking of Wal Mart - my car broke down, yet again, this time stranding us in the Wal Mart parking lot.

While waiting for our ride to come and pick us up, we spotted a girl in her 20's or so walking her cart out to her car. She suddenly stopped and sat down on the curb and looked like she was crying.

Of course I just sat there and watched her trying to figure out what was up. I mean, I get a little exasperated when I leave Wal Mart too - I go in to spend $20 and come out with $300 worth of shit that I probably did actually need, but most certainly didn't have the money to buy.

She gets up after a second and I realize she isn't actually crying, so this peaks my interest even more...she walks to her car, which by the way, was the next lane over and the first parking spot...probably 20 paces away...strange.

She gets to her car and opens the door and sits down, leaving her cart beside her car. At this point it is pretty obvious that she isn't feeling well. She then got out of her car and started loading the stuff in the trunk, by this time someone has spotted this gem of a parking spot and is waiting for her to pull out...she gets all her stuff into her trunk and then gets into her car and puts her head on her steering wheel.

I am totally entranced at this point in time...I am waiting to see what kind of violent sickness is going to come over this lady. Am I going to have to resuscitate her? Am I going to have to slap her around violently and yell "Don't go toward the light! Don't go towards the light!!". I had no idea...so of course, I still sit and watch. No one else seems to be watching either. Weird. Just me and my personal entertainment.

THEN the car door swings over and BLEEEEK. Yack yacky yack yack. It was red. My first thought was ohhhhh those damn Razmatinis, they will get you everytime. Yet, I still did not go to this poor girl to see if she was OK...I just had running commentary in my head the whole time.

This then got me to wondering, would YOU help someone that was barfing randomly? I mean, I help my friends and people I know and love...cause I love my friends, throw up and all! This was a random person...

I did, however, let the person that was waiting for the parking spot (who by this point was getting a little irate at the amount of time this transaction was taking) know that she was sick and they probably didn't want to park there anymore anyway.

I hope she felt better. Poor lass.

Courses to Fix (or Improve) Life

The rules are as follows:

Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. (If only it were that simple!)

It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take.

Tag five other people.

1) GET KRYSTAL TO PICK UP HER CLOTHES...OK, OK I THROW MINE ON THE FLOOR TOO.

I still insist that I am the cleanest person I have ever lived with. I hate clutter and I like things to smell really fresh and clean and not like ferret shit or cat shit or any kind of shit for that matter. I also have to say that I follow suit alot...so say that things start going downhill and the clothes start piling up on the floor...well, then my clothes slowly start piling up on the floor too. Actually, I blame the clothes. They are naturally attracted to other clothes, so if the other clothes are on the floor and not in the dresser then that is where they naturally go. Now that I think about it, I bet they all crawl out of my dresser when I am asleep. Ah ha! I all makes so much sense now!

2) HOW TO OVERCOME A BAD CASE OF THE "I DON'T WANNAS"

This has more to do with doing things that other people want to do. Like ride the motorcycle. For some reason this is a big chore for me, though once you get me out and on it you almost can't get me off of it! Krystal just got her new bike, and poor thing, I have only ridden with her maybe three times. I suck. So I am going to work on that! Just not during the winter. After it gets back into the 70's during the day, THEN I will work on this!

3) NOT BE SO FUCKING GRUMPY IN THE MORNING

God I am a bad morning person. I think I will blame it on my Mother. Yeah, I like that. I tend to snap at the ones I love in the morning and it just isn't fair, especially if they just happen to be very (annoyingly) perky in the morning (KRYSTAL)

4) STOP BLAMING OTHER THINGS FOR MY OBVIOUS FAULTS

As seen in the last three items, I mostly blame other people or instances for my obvious problem. So far the count is Krystal - 2 and my Mother - 1. So, lets try this over again...

How about I clean up my clothes as so that when there are clothes on the floor I can be all righteous and stuff and point out that all of my clothes are where they are supposed to be! Oh that sounds like FUN!

Dress up in my leathers and get on that damn bike and go somewhere. It will ALMOST kill me to ride in below 70 degree weather, but I guess I will survive.

My Mother is crazy and that is just how it is going to be for me too. I may as well get used to it. Her blood sears through my veins...I can't get away from the crazy factor. I must embrace it and be one with it.

5) LEARN TO PLAY THE DRUMS

I could add alot under this here #5 - mainly because playing the drums is on my list of things to do in life...along with learning to fly a plane, going bungee jumping (already went sky diving), seeing some of the great wonders of the world, learn to read music, sing in a band, make a million dollars and/or know someone who has made a million dollars, pay my parents back all the money I owe them, become debt free (will be in about three years according to my new financial plan I am on...one year down, three to go), go to New York for Christmas one day, go on a cruise, get more tattoos, get my nose pierced...oh how the list goes on...

But I think I will start with learning how to play drums first...

I will tag later...