Ah, Children!

Joe (the boss) is gone for the holidays...he went skiing in Colorado with his kids, so I am here at work re-arranging files and writing blogs...

There is a lady here at work that has custody of her grandson, who is five.

Wednesday she gets a note from his school saying they need to have a conference because of some behavior issues in the classroom and wanted her to meet the teacher and principal at 7:30 the next morning. She couldn't meet them then, but was able to make it this morning.

They told her that the class was learning their letters i.e. A is for...what? Absinthe, exactly. B is for....Beer. Yes, very good class...ok, just kidding, anyway, A is for Apple and B is for Box and so on and so forth. Well, they get to "N" and the teacher calls on Lil "J" - and yes, at this point I am really holding my breath, living in the South and all, I was prepared for the something rhyming with chigger, but alas, Lil "J" stands up and says, "N is for NUTS! And I have some right here!" [points to his crotch]

I about DIED laughing...that is the cutest thing EVER! Of course my co-worker just gave them the eye and basically let it be known that she doesn't have time in the mornings to come to such meetings and if it is REALLY important, let her know...but shit, the kid is 5 years old...of COURSE he is going to say nuts! Nuts are a big part of his life and have been since he discovered them when he was 6 months old! Incidentally, they will be a big part of his life for the rest of his life...come on people...get. a. life.

Anyway, then this got me to thinking about a story I heard from my ex. He was called one day, away from work, because his 6 year old son had said the "F" word. So the principal calls my ex and says, "Mr. R. you are going to need to come down to the school, Lil "D" said the "F" word today in class". So of course "C" heads down to the school and sits down with his son and the principal and says, "Ok, son, you know the "F" word is bad, right?

"Yes, Daddy."

"Ok. Do you even know what the "F" word means?"

"Yes."

[leans over and whispers]

"It's when air comes out of your heinie"

At this point "C" excuses his son from the principal's office and then looks up at the principal and asks, "SO, let me get this straight...you FUCKING called me out of the FUCKING office because my son said FART?!?"

The principal was very apologetic...turns out he hadn't actually asked the teacher WHICH "F" word Lil "D" had used, though after that meeting with "C" he was well aware of the difference and as he heard the real "F" word used more times than he heard in Beverly Hills Cop and Pulp Fiction combined.

Oh the joys of children! I am looking forward to it...though it won't be for another decade or so.