I forgot to tell ya'll that on Sunday I met this homeless guy at the bar I was at. He was obviously intoxicated and obviously homeless, but very friendly. His name was Dave. Dave INSISTED on talking to me and everyone in the surrounding area. Our conversation went something like this:
[Dave walks in with a large pizza from next door and attempts to open it from the wrong end. I turn his pizza box around for him and open it]
Dave: Gee, how intox-imkated do yous haves to be to not be able to open a pizzr bocks? What's your name?
Me: Jessica
Dave: Heeeyyy Jezzeca, I'm Dave.
Me: Hi Dave...good to meet you.
Dave: What are you drinking?
Me: Miller Light...I see you are drinking a pitcher as well.
Dave: Yeah. Heeeyyy, what are youuuu eatzing?
Me: Tater tots and cheese.
Dave: Oh wowww. How much did that coszt you?
Me: I am not sure. I didn't look.
Dave: Oh. That must be nicze to not havez to pay att-en-shun to that kind of thing. I got this whoooollle pizzr for hate dollerrrz. ($8 for those that don't speak drunk)
Me: Wow. That really IS a good deal!
Dave: So, Jennifer (note name change) how'd jew getz here?
Me: I drove.
Dave: No, no. Really, thizis deep. Listen. HowDizShoeGetHere? What pathz inlife did cross to be here noow? You know whhaat Jennifer? Life es about odds. What are the odds that you would be hurs sa-night?
Me: Well, pretty good since I have been coming here on Sundays for a good month now. You know, Sunday night football is really fun to watch AND there is karaoke tonight.
Dave: Well, let me tell you somethins Jennifer. I was ab-ducted, by the alien types, and they shot 250,000 voltz of elec-trimisity in me and I tell you what Jennifer, after that it makes you think differently.
Me: Yeah, Dave, I guess that would.
Dave: You knowhatelse?
Me: [eyebrow raised]
Dave: I am headin to Vegas. Have you ever been to Vegas for Newyearz?
Me: No.
Dave: Well, thatistheplace tobe. I have lot of money and you know I just want to have fun, but the fun is that I know how to beat the syztemz out there. I know how they trick you. It isn't about the money Jennifer, it is about the game and how to get the money. See thatzdeep.
About this time he started pouring beer from his pitcher allllll over the bar, missing his cup completely, and the bar tender comes over and tells him he is going to have to start paying attention...all the while looking at me as if to say, "Miss, let me know if he is bothering you." I give a knowing smile and mouth that he is OK for now. After all, the conversation could get better.
Dave: You know, Imthekindaguy that doesn't give a FUCK. I will cut your liver outcha.
Me: What would you want my liver for? To drink on?
Dave: Jennifer, you are funny. You have pretty eyes. Has anyone told you that?
Me: You are the first one today. Thank you Dave.
Dave: Mannn, if I juzt metchu 30 years ago...wheeewwweeee!
Me: Dave, I wasn't even born 30 years ago.
Dave: Ok then, howzabout 20 years ago.
Me: Dave, I was six.
Dave: Well, how about now??
Me: I find the traveling lifestyle to be a bit trying on me. I like to blow dry my hair and apply make-up in the morning...not to mention shower. Plus I like to eat and sleep indoors and most of all, Dave, I have to show up for work in the morning.
Dave: Yeah, I can't work right now. I am trying to stay low.
Me: Oh, are you on probation?
Dave: No. Some peoples been followin me for a while. I know who they are, but they don't know I know. Seeethatzdeep.
Me: Yes, very deep.
At this point in time Dave misses his cup AGAIN and pours the rest of his pitcher on the bar/floor. The bartender tells him he has to leave now...so they call him a cab and that was the end of it.
You meet the most interesting people in this world.
I hope Dave makes it to Vegas for New Years - or at the very least THINKS he is in Vegas for New Years.
