Last night I experienced my first heavy metal show. I am a very open person, musically especially! I am a huge Collective Soul fan, but you throw on some Gin and Juice by Snoop, well, I don't know if you are prepared to see a white girl spit lyrics like that, yo.
So the bar gods blessed us a few weeks ago with the opening of a bar...RIGHT BEHIND OUR HOUSE! AND they have $1 PBR-ah on Tuesdays, karaoke sometimes and a pool table. Last night we decided to peep the action at The Wormhole (name of the bar) and found out that for a mere $5 we could experience a man clear his throat for an entire song set and have our ears bleed.
I do like a nice guitar thrashing, but holy hell. Here, since I am such an awesome person, I would like to share with you Deified Reviver. Now, in all fairness, this was their very FIRST gig, but I have to say I was VERY thankful they only had three songs.
I didn't hear where the dude sings on any of those tracks on MySPace, but I tell you what...just go gaaahhhhrrrrrrhhhaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, as low and loud as you can and you got it.
The second band to go on was called Kalibur, and I actually really enjoyed them! They are kinda a mix between Metallica and Creed. Weird, I know. The lead singer did request that the patrons "get out there and hurt each other" during one of their particularly hard core riffs. This is where I got to experience the much talked about, rarely seen, mosh pit.
Retardiculous.
I totally don't get it. Much like I never quite understood The Chicken Dance. Or my mother.
The headbanging was out of sight. I was concerned for most of them, as I know, from experience, (last weekend) that headbanging results in some killer whiplash that will not allow you to utilize your neck for AT LEAST three days. All I could think about was the horrible neck problems these poor, young souls were going to experience in as little as 5 years.
Ah, shit. That is that adult coming out in me. However, I still do not regret playing all those sports that have resulted in three knee surgeries and added hardware (two screws). Maybe they won't have regrets either, but I would highly suggest they shower more often.
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Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Welcome to Poop Talk!
Poop. It is a common subject of conversation 'round these parts. We had a VERY lengthy discussion Thursday night on our back porch about poop, specifically "sharting". It really should have been on video.
We were sharing stories of being in public places such as Wal-Mart and really getting the rumbly cramps where your poop says, "I MUST EXIT THE PREMISES NOW" and then you get the sweats and try to decide if you should go commit such a hate crime in a public bathroom. And god forbid there be people in there sharing the experience.
I have specific criteria for pooping. I prefer a bathroom fan, and it needs to give off that perfect amount of noise and a magazine, like Maxim, is ideal. Now, my poopie-doos [usually] last no longer than 30 seconds, therefore, a magazine like Maxim is perfect as it has short little tid bits of interesting information that I am able to digest in that 30 second time frame. I also need all people to be at LEAST 15 feet away from the door. There is just no way I am going to be able to commence proper pooping if you are standing outside my door and talking to me is out of the question. However, I am not opposed to texting while on the loo.
The names we come up for pooping are equally as interesting:
"Going to drop the kids off at the pool"
"Going to pinch a loaf"
"Going to sign some paperwork"
"Going to go and have my morning (mid-afternoon, evening) constitution"
Or the always safe and reliable:
"I am going to take a shit, you guys!"
Anypoo, I decided to find out WHY poop stinks. I had all kinds of ideas running through my head, like perhaps the food rots in your body cause it takes like 8 hours for food to process through. This seems to be somewhat true, but only in the sense that it is bacteria that causes poo poo to smell smell. The bacteria that is in our poo produces various compounds and gases that lead to "ohhhh that smelllll, can't you smell that smell?!?"
This is all according to the Poop Report, which is probably going to be my new favorite site to read.
And just so you know the poop of meat eaters usually smells worse than that of vegans. I don't know any vegans, so I can't compare my meat eating poop smell, but I would think that lovely grease filled burger I ate 8 hours ago WOULD probably smell worse than your carrot salad.
Continuing with this rambling...vegans. I mean, really? NO animal products? I don't mean to offend you if you are vegan, but you know, if you are vegan, it kinda comes with the territory that you are going to get someone (ME) that is going to chuck on your decision...though I would like to point out that I can dish it out AND take it...so bring it on punk!
And now back to your regularly scheduled ranting...so vegans.
I must say that I have already been rejected TWICE in my lifetime from giving blood because I was not ingesting enough iron in my diet. Ah, yes, you may say, Jess, you fool, you can get that from leafy greens such as spinach. Or perhaps you should holla at some raisins, prunes, figs and beans.
To you I say BLAH! What are you? My mother? I am not eating vegetables!! I don't like raisins and my Mom made me drink prune juice one time to dislodge some very stubborn poo poo from my intestines, so you can bet your booty hole I won't be getting near any prunes in THIS lifetime and as for figs, well, I only eat the Newton variety. And that is very rare. BEANS! Now we are talkin! Except then my rear end starts talkin and the people around me don't seem to get as much joy from the releases as I do.
So you know what? I am going to stick to beef, pork loin, oysters and clams...but you keep on keeping on and say hey to my girl Ellen Degeneres for me...her vegan self is looking MIGHTY h-o-t-t for 51! Hummm, maybe you crazies ARE on to something!
We were sharing stories of being in public places such as Wal-Mart and really getting the rumbly cramps where your poop says, "I MUST EXIT THE PREMISES NOW" and then you get the sweats and try to decide if you should go commit such a hate crime in a public bathroom. And god forbid there be people in there sharing the experience.
I have specific criteria for pooping. I prefer a bathroom fan, and it needs to give off that perfect amount of noise and a magazine, like Maxim, is ideal. Now, my poopie-doos [usually] last no longer than 30 seconds, therefore, a magazine like Maxim is perfect as it has short little tid bits of interesting information that I am able to digest in that 30 second time frame. I also need all people to be at LEAST 15 feet away from the door. There is just no way I am going to be able to commence proper pooping if you are standing outside my door and talking to me is out of the question. However, I am not opposed to texting while on the loo.
The names we come up for pooping are equally as interesting:
"Going to drop the kids off at the pool"
"Going to pinch a loaf"
"Going to sign some paperwork"
"Going to go and have my morning (mid-afternoon, evening) constitution"
Or the always safe and reliable:
"I am going to take a shit, you guys!"
Anypoo, I decided to find out WHY poop stinks. I had all kinds of ideas running through my head, like perhaps the food rots in your body cause it takes like 8 hours for food to process through. This seems to be somewhat true, but only in the sense that it is bacteria that causes poo poo to smell smell. The bacteria that is in our poo produces various compounds and gases that lead to "ohhhh that smelllll, can't you smell that smell?!?"
This is all according to the Poop Report, which is probably going to be my new favorite site to read.
And just so you know the poop of meat eaters usually smells worse than that of vegans. I don't know any vegans, so I can't compare my meat eating poop smell, but I would think that lovely grease filled burger I ate 8 hours ago WOULD probably smell worse than your carrot salad.
Continuing with this rambling...vegans. I mean, really? NO animal products? I don't mean to offend you if you are vegan, but you know, if you are vegan, it kinda comes with the territory that you are going to get someone (ME) that is going to chuck on your decision...though I would like to point out that I can dish it out AND take it...so bring it on punk!
And now back to your regularly scheduled ranting...so vegans.
I must say that I have already been rejected TWICE in my lifetime from giving blood because I was not ingesting enough iron in my diet. Ah, yes, you may say, Jess, you fool, you can get that from leafy greens such as spinach. Or perhaps you should holla at some raisins, prunes, figs and beans.
To you I say BLAH! What are you? My mother? I am not eating vegetables!! I don't like raisins and my Mom made me drink prune juice one time to dislodge some very stubborn poo poo from my intestines, so you can bet your booty hole I won't be getting near any prunes in THIS lifetime and as for figs, well, I only eat the Newton variety. And that is very rare. BEANS! Now we are talkin! Except then my rear end starts talkin and the people around me don't seem to get as much joy from the releases as I do.
So you know what? I am going to stick to beef, pork loin, oysters and clams...but you keep on keeping on and say hey to my girl Ellen Degeneres for me...her vegan self is looking MIGHTY h-o-t-t for 51! Hummm, maybe you crazies ARE on to something!
Family Time
Tuesday night of this week I travelled the 2 1/2 hours back up to my hometown of P-ville, which is outside of Byron, which is outside of Warner Robins, which is outside of Macon. It is the middle Georgia area, mmmmmk?
Brother Joseph was on leave from his duties (hehe, I said duties) and this was the first time the family has been able to get together since...well, ummmm, last year sometime! Wow, time really does fly!
While I was drinking my morning coffee I went out to see my inheritance:
Yes. Goats. My father is starting a goat farm and that is what he plans on doing in his retirement in two years.
We did take some family pictures too, but Mother has those on her camera. I have emailed her to ask her to send them to me...and I will be sure to post as soon as she does!
I also got to see the g-rents. Dad's parents. Mom's parents had gone off to Florida, so we didn't get to spend time with them.
Took Papa to his doctors appointment...he broke his foot two weeks ago and they had to put screws and plates and all kinds of fun equipment in his foot. He is doing fine though...other than being upset that he can't go out and plow and plant his tomatoes and all that other farming stuff he does.
See all that there land under the "A"? That is all the fields he has to plow. Now, keep in mind, the man is retired from the military, this farming stuff he does is just to keep him busy, but he is very serious about his plow lines. And I am very serious about eating his tomatoes and onions and peppers and corn and everything else he plants!
Grandma hooked me up with a cooler full of blueberries she picked for me off her blueberry bushes this past year. She threw them in the freezer as soon as she washed them. That is about as fresh as it is going to get without me having to drive up there and pick them myself. I also made out with some pecans (already shelled) and some spaghetti casserole. I do love me some Grandma visits!
She also made me and bro Joe some BBQ. She had picked up a Boston Butt the day before, cooked it all night and had pulled it that morning. I cannot express to you how much my Grandma's BBQ kicks your Grandma's BBQ's ass. ALL OF YAS!
That pretty much sums up my Tuesday night/Wednesday visit. Smooches!
Brother Joseph was on leave from his duties (hehe, I said duties) and this was the first time the family has been able to get together since...well, ummmm, last year sometime! Wow, time really does fly!
While I was drinking my morning coffee I went out to see my inheritance:
Yes. Goats. My father is starting a goat farm and that is what he plans on doing in his retirement in two years.
We did take some family pictures too, but Mother has those on her camera. I have emailed her to ask her to send them to me...and I will be sure to post as soon as she does!
I also got to see the g-rents. Dad's parents. Mom's parents had gone off to Florida, so we didn't get to spend time with them.
Took Papa to his doctors appointment...he broke his foot two weeks ago and they had to put screws and plates and all kinds of fun equipment in his foot. He is doing fine though...other than being upset that he can't go out and plow and plant his tomatoes and all that other farming stuff he does.
See all that there land under the "A"? That is all the fields he has to plow. Now, keep in mind, the man is retired from the military, this farming stuff he does is just to keep him busy, but he is very serious about his plow lines. And I am very serious about eating his tomatoes and onions and peppers and corn and everything else he plants!
Grandma hooked me up with a cooler full of blueberries she picked for me off her blueberry bushes this past year. She threw them in the freezer as soon as she washed them. That is about as fresh as it is going to get without me having to drive up there and pick them myself. I also made out with some pecans (already shelled) and some spaghetti casserole. I do love me some Grandma visits!
She also made me and bro Joe some BBQ. She had picked up a Boston Butt the day before, cooked it all night and had pulled it that morning. I cannot express to you how much my Grandma's BBQ kicks your Grandma's BBQ's ass. ALL OF YAS!
That pretty much sums up my Tuesday night/Wednesday visit. Smooches!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Neee ner neeee ner neee nerrr!
I don't have to post today because WHY?!? I will tell you why biznitch, cause I am totally kickin it with the Queen, no, not Queen the band, though me and Freddie are right and tight...in spirit of course, you know, since he is dead and all, but he sings with me in the car alllllll the time.
Anyboo, I am guest posting at 3 Bedroom Bunghole...I mean Bungaho...gah damn it, I mean Bungalow and let me just say, it is one crazy party at this place! Go peep Kat's place!
Anyboo, I am guest posting at 3 Bedroom Bunghole...I mean Bungaho...gah damn it, I mean Bungalow and let me just say, it is one crazy party at this place! Go peep Kat's place!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Adult Speak
There are times in life when you are readily reminded that you are a young adult i.e. staying up partying until 4:30am. There are other times in life that readily remind you that you are an adult i.e. the pain I felt in my back and neck the day after staying up till 4:30am. The pain was a result of some headbanging that I felt so inclined to demonstrate. IDIOT.
Another example of how I know I am an adult:
I GOT A NEW VACUUM and I am SUPER excited about how much it...sucks!
Meet my new Bissell Pet Hair Eraser vacuum! Of course I call it my bizzle vac-izzle.
After killing my last Bissell just last week (R.I.P. the six years we had together were so clean and refreshing) I decided on another Bissell and let me just tell you bitches, they have got some bomb diggity ass vacuums out there these days!
I am still shooting for my Hoover F7452-900 Steam Vac All Terrain
one of these days, but I think the above vac will do until that day comes.
Another example of how I know I am an adult:
I GOT A NEW VACUUM and I am SUPER excited about how much it...sucks!
Meet my new Bissell Pet Hair Eraser vacuum! Of course I call it my bizzle vac-izzle.
After killing my last Bissell just last week (R.I.P. the six years we had together were so clean and refreshing) I decided on another Bissell and let me just tell you bitches, they have got some bomb diggity ass vacuums out there these days!
I am still shooting for my Hoover F7452-900 Steam Vac All Terrain
one of these days, but I think the above vac will do until that day comes.
Monday, February 23, 2009
It's My Birftday Bitches!
Actually, it wasn't my birthday at all, it was Krystal's, but that was a quote that I heard through the night...on more than one occasion. She even made a banner that said so:
(click for bigger picture; will open up in new window)
As most of our shindigs go, the party peeps come in different waves. We usually start at about 6:00 and we get the friends that have children or aren't the stay out all night crowd. This is nice because we get to sit and visit with them and the music is still at a level where words are audible.
Larkin, Brother Joseph and Me
Me and Bro Joe
That's right...the lil bro came to party for the weekend! I am pretty sure he had a the time of his life. On Friday night, the night before the party, we went out to a bar or two and he made the foolish statement that his alcohol tolerance was higher than mine. I will let you take a wild guess who was puking in the bushes at the end of the night and it was not the hottie on the far left (who looks to be sleeping, listening, drinkin and texting at the same time. I am more amazing than I thought!):
Ohhh, he is but a mere 21, almost 22, I give him a few more years to learn. Those young bucks are fun to mess with though. Back to the party... There was beer pong and drinking games (Flip cup?)
The keg:
My best friend Christine and her sister Nicole on the back porch:
We protected the animals behind this door:
Yes, that is real, live police tape from our real, live friend who is a police officer who in real life told me to never tell that he gave us that tape. So shhhhhhhh people.
Hallway decorations:
And lastly, we had a game that involved these items:
Here is the video, for your viewing pleasure. Gets a little shaky at times, but wtf...drunk people playing and video'in. Also, the rules were explained, but that many drunk people in one room and rules just don't mix...still, it was hilarious!
(click for bigger picture; will open up in new window)
As most of our shindigs go, the party peeps come in different waves. We usually start at about 6:00 and we get the friends that have children or aren't the stay out all night crowd. This is nice because we get to sit and visit with them and the music is still at a level where words are audible.
Larkin, Brother Joseph and Me
Me and Bro Joe
That's right...the lil bro came to party for the weekend! I am pretty sure he had a the time of his life. On Friday night, the night before the party, we went out to a bar or two and he made the foolish statement that his alcohol tolerance was higher than mine. I will let you take a wild guess who was puking in the bushes at the end of the night and it was not the hottie on the far left (who looks to be sleeping, listening, drinkin and texting at the same time. I am more amazing than I thought!):
Ohhh, he is but a mere 21, almost 22, I give him a few more years to learn. Those young bucks are fun to mess with though. Back to the party... There was beer pong and drinking games (Flip cup?)
The keg:
My best friend Christine and her sister Nicole on the back porch:
We protected the animals behind this door:
Yes, that is real, live police tape from our real, live friend who is a police officer who in real life told me to never tell that he gave us that tape. So shhhhhhhh people.
Hallway decorations:
And lastly, we had a game that involved these items:
Here is the video, for your viewing pleasure. Gets a little shaky at times, but wtf...drunk people playing and video'in. Also, the rules were explained, but that many drunk people in one room and rules just don't mix...still, it was hilarious!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Made Up MeMe
You know those MeMe things you can do where you go to Google Images and type in the word and use one of the pictures on the first page?!? Well, I did my own. Feel free to steal. Here you go:
What kind of car you drive
This car looks much better when it has a sky line behind it...humm. Please note that I lost two of my four rim covers, so I was drivin around all ghetto like until about two days ago when I went and bought some platinum black out (plastic) rim covers at Wal-Mart for a steal of deal: $20.00! You can't touch the aweseomness now. And I have tinted windows.
What kind of pet(s) you have
Yep, really, a hairless one!
I just did all the color variations for the cats. As for the fish, we only have a Nemo. Two of them actually...and some dwarf angels. And we have differnet color ferrets too.
What you do for a living
Your favorite food
Your favorite color
Your favorite hobby
Beer. Friends. Beach. Beyotch!
One thing that gets on your nerves the most
At the moment, this is it. I hate stuffy noses!
What kind of car you drive
This car looks much better when it has a sky line behind it...humm. Please note that I lost two of my four rim covers, so I was drivin around all ghetto like until about two days ago when I went and bought some platinum black out (plastic) rim covers at Wal-Mart for a steal of deal: $20.00! You can't touch the aweseomness now. And I have tinted windows.
What kind of pet(s) you have
Yep, really, a hairless one!
I just did all the color variations for the cats. As for the fish, we only have a Nemo. Two of them actually...and some dwarf angels. And we have differnet color ferrets too.
What you do for a living
Your favorite food
Your favorite color
Your favorite hobby
Beer. Friends. Beach. Beyotch!
One thing that gets on your nerves the most
At the moment, this is it. I hate stuffy noses!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Family Gossip
Children. I do not have any, but I am the oldest. I have two younger brothers…Joe whom I am 6 years older than and Jake whom I am 8 years older. I remember when they were born, I remember changing diapers and feeding them their rice cereal in the morning. I have a lot of fond memories of those two little shits.
I bring the following story up because it is right on point with one of the fears that parents have the most.
Joe is now 21 and in the Coast Guard.
Jake is 19 and is still working on completing his high school diploma.
For me, high school was a breeze. I actually graduated a year early (17 years old) because I was able to start my schooling career (K-4) at the age of 3. Both of my brothers struggled in school.
Joe was eventually diagnosed with ADD and Jake with ADHD.
I know there are many out there who have issues with the diagnosis of attention deficit, but it is very real and, in my opinion, needs to be diagnosed as soon as possible; perhaps sometime after kindergarten, but before 3rd grade.
Both of the bro’s were diagnosed too late; the result is that they both fell behind in school. Joe graduated from high school when he was 20 and we just discovered last week that Jake dropped out of school. This was a huge disappointment for the family.
My parents and Jake live in the middle Georgia area. I live in Savannah, Georgia, which is almost 200 miles south east of where they live. Joe is in Key West, Florida.
My mother calls me to ask if Jake had contacted me. I say, “No, why?” She proceeded to tell me that he had dropped out of school and Dad let him know that he was either to get back in school or get out of the house. Except he would have to walk, cause he wasn’t going to take a car, and he would have to use a payphone for someone to pick him up, because he was also keeping his cell phone, but he would be happy to pack his clothes in a plastic bag and see him on his way.
Mom warned me to expect a call from him asking me if he could move in with me and get a job. (The answer, ladies and gentlemen, would be a resounding hell to the effin naw.)
After speaking with Mom I find out this drop out is due to a combination of bad decisions as far as whom he has chosen as friends, his age, him being a boy, him being 19 and thinking he knows everything there is to know about life and (I think) him being the youngest and spoiled beyond belief!
So Mom gets off the phone with me…ten minutes later I get a phone call from Joe.
“Did you HEAR what Jake did?!?”
“Yes, Mom called me…I guess she called you too?”
“Yeah she did! I am going to kick his ASS!”
This tough, manly speak went on for another 5 minutes or so and then I had to hang up due to work actually expecting me to work and such.
Unbeknownst to Jake, the circle of phone calls went on for another day or so. Very much reminded me of that show, Brothers and Sisters. (If you have seen the show, just know it very much reminds me of my family's dynamics)
I find out that Mom and Dad went to the school and had a sit down (again, without Jake’s knowledge) to find out exactly what it would take to have him graduate in two months. The school came to an agreement that Jake would work from home for four days, catch up on his work, and they would then see about letting him back in school.
I called Jake on Friday afternoon.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jake, whatcha doin?
“Chemistry.”
“Oh, I see. Well, I was just calling to say I love you!”
“[gets a little choked up] Who told you?”
“Oh puleeze son, I know everything!”
“No, really, who told you?”
“Well, Mom called and said you were having a tough time, so I was calling to say to keep your head up, you can get through this!”
“[voice sounding very much like it is the end of the world] Yeah, I hope so, but I just don’t know. I just hate the way Mom is treating me."
"Jake, this isn't something that happened over night. This is a culmination of some bad decisions you decided to make along the way."
"Well, you know what she is doing now?! She is MAKING me get a job and having me sign over my paychecks to her!! Can you believe that?!"
"Yeah, I can. Do you know that the rest of your life, the money that you make, most of it is going to go to other people?! She is just doing this to help you make better decisions."
The funny thing is, I can totally understand the despair he is going through...I totally get that he thinks that this is sooooo unfair, it is the end of the world and there is no reason behind what Mom and Dad are putting him through...and suddenly I find myself completely understanding my parents thought process and that scares me. It means I have actually made it to adulthood....but I will totally deny it if you ask me!
We still have one day left to find out if he is going to be allowed back in school. I am keeping my fingers crossed.
I bring the following story up because it is right on point with one of the fears that parents have the most.
Joe is now 21 and in the Coast Guard.
Jake is 19 and is still working on completing his high school diploma.
For me, high school was a breeze. I actually graduated a year early (17 years old) because I was able to start my schooling career (K-4) at the age of 3. Both of my brothers struggled in school.
Joe was eventually diagnosed with ADD and Jake with ADHD.
I know there are many out there who have issues with the diagnosis of attention deficit, but it is very real and, in my opinion, needs to be diagnosed as soon as possible; perhaps sometime after kindergarten, but before 3rd grade.
Both of the bro’s were diagnosed too late; the result is that they both fell behind in school. Joe graduated from high school when he was 20 and we just discovered last week that Jake dropped out of school. This was a huge disappointment for the family.
My parents and Jake live in the middle Georgia area. I live in Savannah, Georgia, which is almost 200 miles south east of where they live. Joe is in Key West, Florida.
My mother calls me to ask if Jake had contacted me. I say, “No, why?” She proceeded to tell me that he had dropped out of school and Dad let him know that he was either to get back in school or get out of the house. Except he would have to walk, cause he wasn’t going to take a car, and he would have to use a payphone for someone to pick him up, because he was also keeping his cell phone, but he would be happy to pack his clothes in a plastic bag and see him on his way.
Mom warned me to expect a call from him asking me if he could move in with me and get a job. (The answer, ladies and gentlemen, would be a resounding hell to the effin naw.)
After speaking with Mom I find out this drop out is due to a combination of bad decisions as far as whom he has chosen as friends, his age, him being a boy, him being 19 and thinking he knows everything there is to know about life and (I think) him being the youngest and spoiled beyond belief!
So Mom gets off the phone with me…ten minutes later I get a phone call from Joe.
“Did you HEAR what Jake did?!?”
“Yes, Mom called me…I guess she called you too?”
“Yeah she did! I am going to kick his ASS!”
This tough, manly speak went on for another 5 minutes or so and then I had to hang up due to work actually expecting me to work and such.
Unbeknownst to Jake, the circle of phone calls went on for another day or so. Very much reminded me of that show, Brothers and Sisters. (If you have seen the show, just know it very much reminds me of my family's dynamics)
I find out that Mom and Dad went to the school and had a sit down (again, without Jake’s knowledge) to find out exactly what it would take to have him graduate in two months. The school came to an agreement that Jake would work from home for four days, catch up on his work, and they would then see about letting him back in school.
I called Jake on Friday afternoon.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jake, whatcha doin?
“Chemistry.”
“Oh, I see. Well, I was just calling to say I love you!”
“[gets a little choked up] Who told you?”
“Oh puleeze son, I know everything!”
“No, really, who told you?”
“Well, Mom called and said you were having a tough time, so I was calling to say to keep your head up, you can get through this!”
“[voice sounding very much like it is the end of the world] Yeah, I hope so, but I just don’t know. I just hate the way Mom is treating me."
"Jake, this isn't something that happened over night. This is a culmination of some bad decisions you decided to make along the way."
"Well, you know what she is doing now?! She is MAKING me get a job and having me sign over my paychecks to her!! Can you believe that?!"
"Yeah, I can. Do you know that the rest of your life, the money that you make, most of it is going to go to other people?! She is just doing this to help you make better decisions."
The funny thing is, I can totally understand the despair he is going through...I totally get that he thinks that this is sooooo unfair, it is the end of the world and there is no reason behind what Mom and Dad are putting him through...and suddenly I find myself completely understanding my parents thought process and that scares me. It means I have actually made it to adulthood....but I will totally deny it if you ask me!
We still have one day left to find out if he is going to be allowed back in school. I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Purse Wars
I decided to do it. Yes, IT. The thing us women all hate. No, not that...no, not that either.
I cleaned out my purse.
I inspired Larkin to THINK about doing the same, but I made her make a list of what was in her purse.
Me first, but let it be known, mine isn't NEAR as interesting as Larkins:
(Click for bigger picture...it will open up in another window)
1 Samsung Standard Battery Type 3.7V Li-ion – found on the floor of a bar. (Note: the next week I found ANOTHER Samsung battery on the floor of a different bar, kept that too, but it is on my nightstand.) (NOTE# 2: I do not have any devices that these batteries will fit)
7 pennies and 1 dime
Lots of tobacco that has fallen loose out of my cigarette packs
1 Ipod
3 packs of cigarettes. Two open, one sealed. Two packs of shorts, one pack 100’s.
My keys
1 key of unknown origin
3 Important tax documents (at least that is what it says on the envelope)
Two paystubs
Two cards from Andrew Black whom I met at Blaine’s last week. Apparently he is a real estate agent.
One appointment card for a follow up with the gyno on February 24, 2009 at 1:15pm.
My Implanon calendar
Four invitations to the Karaoke Massacre on Valentines Day. This is hosted by the Savannah Derby Devils. Yes, I am going to watch roller derby.
One $5 Jumbo Bucks in which I won $4.
A zippo
Some Altoids
Lip gloss
Chapstick
One set of hoop earrings
Three pens
Two checkbooks
and some Afrin.
And now for Larkin's list (w/ commentary provided by yours truly. It is my blog ya know.)
(Click for bigger picture...it will open up in another window)
3 miller lite bottle tops (Drunk ass)
1 quarter (Probably the one I gave you last week isn't it?!?)
Stolen carabba’s mints (approx 15) (I was there when you thefted those you damn thief!)
Camera (How we remember our nights out on the town)
Wallet (Strange item to have in a purse don't you think?)
2 tubes of mascara (For those beautiful eyes!)
2 post-it pads (Stolen from work no doubt!)
3 unopened bottles of insulin (Heroin)
1 bag syringes (See, told you she was a heroin addict)
2 tootsie pops (Stolen from work...AGAIN)
1 necklace (Lotta good it does in your purse, tard)
1 hair band (For what hair? You just cut that shit off!)
Hand lotion (For all the hand jobs you give out, Hooker cheese)
Body spray (To freshin up after working the street all morning)
1 coozie (Did you steal that from me?)
1 handkerchief (Unsanitary)
1 dog collar (No dog attached I hope)
1 bottle of perfume (Again, when you are a slut bucket, you gotta get that hooker skank off ya)
1 hair clip (Again...really, what hair?)
2 blood checker thingys (Cover up for the heroine addiction)
1 bad ass pocket knife (To cut a fool. She gangsta)
Several paperclips (Stolen, again, from work)
Several lip stuffs (lip gloss, chap stick, lip stick, etc.) (How many lips do you have?)
1 liquid eyeliner (Stuff makes my eyes burn)
1 york peppermint paddy chapstick (You let me try that the other day...pretty good!)
Various receipts, wrappers, papers (Gahh, so messy)
1 spoon (Really?)
1 flattened fork (ok, I took the fork out last week, but it was too cool to not mention) (LMAO...I remember this flat fork you speak of...didn't you find that in the road one morning?)
I cleaned out my purse.
I inspired Larkin to THINK about doing the same, but I made her make a list of what was in her purse.
Me first, but let it be known, mine isn't NEAR as interesting as Larkins:
(Click for bigger picture...it will open up in another window)
1 Samsung Standard Battery Type 3.7V Li-ion – found on the floor of a bar. (Note: the next week I found ANOTHER Samsung battery on the floor of a different bar, kept that too, but it is on my nightstand.) (NOTE# 2: I do not have any devices that these batteries will fit)
7 pennies and 1 dime
Lots of tobacco that has fallen loose out of my cigarette packs
1 Ipod
3 packs of cigarettes. Two open, one sealed. Two packs of shorts, one pack 100’s.
My keys
1 key of unknown origin
3 Important tax documents (at least that is what it says on the envelope)
Two paystubs
Two cards from Andrew Black whom I met at Blaine’s last week. Apparently he is a real estate agent.
One appointment card for a follow up with the gyno on February 24, 2009 at 1:15pm.
My Implanon calendar
Four invitations to the Karaoke Massacre on Valentines Day. This is hosted by the Savannah Derby Devils. Yes, I am going to watch roller derby.
One $5 Jumbo Bucks in which I won $4.
A zippo
Some Altoids
Lip gloss
Chapstick
One set of hoop earrings
Three pens
Two checkbooks
and some Afrin.
And now for Larkin's list (w/ commentary provided by yours truly. It is my blog ya know.)
(Click for bigger picture...it will open up in another window)
3 miller lite bottle tops (Drunk ass)
1 quarter (Probably the one I gave you last week isn't it?!?)
Stolen carabba’s mints (approx 15) (I was there when you thefted those you damn thief!)
Camera (How we remember our nights out on the town)
Wallet (Strange item to have in a purse don't you think?)
2 tubes of mascara (For those beautiful eyes!)
2 post-it pads (Stolen from work no doubt!)
3 unopened bottles of insulin (Heroin)
1 bag syringes (See, told you she was a heroin addict)
2 tootsie pops (Stolen from work...AGAIN)
1 necklace (Lotta good it does in your purse, tard)
1 hair band (For what hair? You just cut that shit off!)
Hand lotion (For all the hand jobs you give out, Hooker cheese)
Body spray (To freshin up after working the street all morning)
1 coozie (Did you steal that from me?)
1 handkerchief (Unsanitary)
1 dog collar (No dog attached I hope)
1 bottle of perfume (Again, when you are a slut bucket, you gotta get that hooker skank off ya)
1 hair clip (Again...really, what hair?)
2 blood checker thingys (Cover up for the heroine addiction)
1 bad ass pocket knife (To cut a fool. She gangsta)
Several paperclips (Stolen, again, from work)
Several lip stuffs (lip gloss, chap stick, lip stick, etc.) (How many lips do you have?)
1 liquid eyeliner (Stuff makes my eyes burn)
1 york peppermint paddy chapstick (You let me try that the other day...pretty good!)
Various receipts, wrappers, papers (Gahh, so messy)
1 spoon (Really?)
1 flattened fork (ok, I took the fork out last week, but it was too cool to not mention) (LMAO...I remember this flat fork you speak of...didn't you find that in the road one morning?)
Dream
Some of my dreams are just straight up WHACK. I particularly like it when I can remember interesting details though...
So, last night's dream was about me having a baby. Except the baby wasn't turned head down and I could see the outline of his face coming through my skin...just under my rib cage. For whatever reason, the skin was getting thinner and thinner and finally he just tore through. Reminded me of this:
Except the baby was much cuter.
So after the baby was born, the doctors told me he didn't have a brain. He was crying and such, so I said, he must have a brain if he can still cry. Apparently the trauma of birthing a child through your skin created some problems for me and I went into a coma for two years. After I woke up, Krystal was standing there and she was filling me in on the last two years. I asked if she had a girlfriend, and she stated that she had two, but they were both alcoholics. I let her know that I did not blame her for not waiting on me. Then I asked her to marry me...which she accepted, so I let her know that I needed some money to buy a wedding ring. She told me that she had emptied my bank account when I went into my coma and that she had spent all my money.
My friend Christine had also gotten married, my friend Brian's father died of a heart attack and my mother was in jail for fraud.
My dreams are awesome.
So, last night's dream was about me having a baby. Except the baby wasn't turned head down and I could see the outline of his face coming through my skin...just under my rib cage. For whatever reason, the skin was getting thinner and thinner and finally he just tore through. Reminded me of this:
Except the baby was much cuter.
So after the baby was born, the doctors told me he didn't have a brain. He was crying and such, so I said, he must have a brain if he can still cry. Apparently the trauma of birthing a child through your skin created some problems for me and I went into a coma for two years. After I woke up, Krystal was standing there and she was filling me in on the last two years. I asked if she had a girlfriend, and she stated that she had two, but they were both alcoholics. I let her know that I did not blame her for not waiting on me. Then I asked her to marry me...which she accepted, so I let her know that I needed some money to buy a wedding ring. She told me that she had emptied my bank account when I went into my coma and that she had spent all my money.
My friend Christine had also gotten married, my friend Brian's father died of a heart attack and my mother was in jail for fraud.
My dreams are awesome.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Might Be TMI, But We Are Friends, Right?
'Sup peeps. I'm back, nah nah nah na nah nah nah na nah nahhhh. Fix your bent antenna tune it in and then I'm gonna enter in...
Sidetracked!
The following may be TMI for you, but lets face it, we have covered my UTI's on here, and I know we all poop, fart and pee.
So yesterday I went and got the Implanon...well, implanted on me.
Some of you may be wondering, "Well, why in the name of tiny little ponies would Jess need to be on birth control?"
Two words my friend, two words: NO PERIOD.
Also, hormones really help out those little irritants called cysts that decided to take up residence on one or both of your ovaries...lovely little fuckers.
So this entire procedure is really interesting.
First of all you have to lay down on the table and the Dr. or P.A. will take a gander at the inside of your arm and decide where the tricep and the bicep meet, because this is going to be the new home for the wee little Implanon, right between the tricep and bicep on your inner arm.
Then he or she will take some numbing medicine (Novocaine presumably) stab your arm three times and numb that thang up. This is the worst part of the procedure and honestly, you only feel that sting for MAYBE 3 seconds. Totally no biggie.
Then comes a very large needle, which I would suggest NOT looking at before the procedure; you will just psyche yourself out, yo. He or she injects you with the Implanon and in about 10 seconds you are ready to rock. Can't feel a thing.
Thankfully, Larkin had warned me about the needle size BEFORE I went in, so I refused to look at it until after the procedure was over...and indeed, that needle was crazy big! Thank the drug gods for Novocaine!
So for three years, I can now look forward to no periods, no cramps, no cysts, clearer skin and saving money on crammers...and it only cost me $25!
I totally suggest that you chicks go out and get this thing...it really is totally worth it!!
Sidetracked!
The following may be TMI for you, but lets face it, we have covered my UTI's on here, and I know we all poop, fart and pee.
So yesterday I went and got the Implanon...well, implanted on me.
Some of you may be wondering, "Well, why in the name of tiny little ponies would Jess need to be on birth control?"
Two words my friend, two words: NO PERIOD.
Also, hormones really help out those little irritants called cysts that decided to take up residence on one or both of your ovaries...lovely little fuckers.
So this entire procedure is really interesting.
First of all you have to lay down on the table and the Dr. or P.A. will take a gander at the inside of your arm and decide where the tricep and the bicep meet, because this is going to be the new home for the wee little Implanon, right between the tricep and bicep on your inner arm.
Then he or she will take some numbing medicine (Novocaine presumably) stab your arm three times and numb that thang up. This is the worst part of the procedure and honestly, you only feel that sting for MAYBE 3 seconds. Totally no biggie.
Then comes a very large needle, which I would suggest NOT looking at before the procedure; you will just psyche yourself out, yo. He or she injects you with the Implanon and in about 10 seconds you are ready to rock. Can't feel a thing.
Thankfully, Larkin had warned me about the needle size BEFORE I went in, so I refused to look at it until after the procedure was over...and indeed, that needle was crazy big! Thank the drug gods for Novocaine!
So for three years, I can now look forward to no periods, no cramps, no cysts, clearer skin and saving money on crammers...and it only cost me $25!
I totally suggest that you chicks go out and get this thing...it really is totally worth it!!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Can I Get A Hells to the Yeah?!
A few things...
First of all can I get a virtual high five from you fine folks on Savannah's projected weather for this weekend:
I am so glad that our winters are only like two weeks long here.
Second, our Larky-poo is a Aunt/Cousin thing. Let's see...how to explain this...Larkin's cousin, Catie had a baby girl last night, but Larkin and Catie grew up in the same home, basically they are sisters...so Larkin is a Cunt? Oh, wait, shit. No...that just won't work...how about Ausin? Yes, Larkin is an Ausin!! Congrats!
Meet Brooklyn Riah:
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As you can see, Brooklyn was not as ecstatic about being expelled from her warm, comfy abode she has inhabited for the last nine months.
We have decided that Brooklyn and Lil JJ are going to get married. This is JJ:
This is my girl, Christine's nephew Jeremy, Jr. He was born on New Years Eve! I was very excited about this because what 21 year old wouldn't LOVE to turn 21 on New Year's Eve...and then I got really depressed because that would mean I will be 48 years old when he does turn 21. Oh well, I imagine I will be exactly like I am now, just a more experienced beer drinker! Wahooo!
Last night karaoke list was:
Creep by Radiohead
4 Minutes by Madonna
Shoop by Salt N Pepa
Lucky by Mary Chapin Carpenter
Come to my Window by Melissa Etheridge
Babe by Sonny and Cher
Hope you have a marvelous day!
First of all can I get a virtual high five from you fine folks on Savannah's projected weather for this weekend:
I am so glad that our winters are only like two weeks long here.
Second, our Larky-poo is a Aunt/Cousin thing. Let's see...how to explain this...Larkin's cousin, Catie had a baby girl last night, but Larkin and Catie grew up in the same home, basically they are sisters...so Larkin is a Cunt? Oh, wait, shit. No...that just won't work...how about Ausin? Yes, Larkin is an Ausin!! Congrats!
Meet Brooklyn Riah:
.jpg)
As you can see, Brooklyn was not as ecstatic about being expelled from her warm, comfy abode she has inhabited for the last nine months.
We have decided that Brooklyn and Lil JJ are going to get married. This is JJ:
This is my girl, Christine's nephew Jeremy, Jr. He was born on New Years Eve! I was very excited about this because what 21 year old wouldn't LOVE to turn 21 on New Year's Eve...and then I got really depressed because that would mean I will be 48 years old when he does turn 21. Oh well, I imagine I will be exactly like I am now, just a more experienced beer drinker! Wahooo!
Last night karaoke list was:
Creep by Radiohead
4 Minutes by Madonna
Shoop by Salt N Pepa
Lucky by Mary Chapin Carpenter
Come to my Window by Melissa Etheridge
Babe by Sonny and Cher
Hope you have a marvelous day!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Vince, What the Fuck is Wrong With Your Right Eye, Dude?
We watch alot of TV so we get to view alot of commercials. I now have a new infomercial guy to add to my irritants.
So this is Vince. You may know Vince from his Sham Wow commercials, which, according to reviews, doesn't really wow that many people. All the same, I can't help but watch the commercials and see how they make cuts and that stupid towel isn't really soaking up what he says it is...you know, blah blah...but anyway...
We were watching this here new Vince commercial for the Slap Chop and as Bobby, myself and Krystal were watching we suddenly all exploded in laughter.
Listen to what Vince says at 37 seconds.
Seriously? Really? This made it through editing and promotion? Really? LMAO! Love it!
Recently Larkin convinced us to get the cable preferred channels I now get a few channels in Spanish and I came across Vince giving his Sham Wow commercial in Espanol! I watched the whole thing. It just makes me giggle, what can I say?
So this is Vince. You may know Vince from his Sham Wow commercials, which, according to reviews, doesn't really wow that many people. All the same, I can't help but watch the commercials and see how they make cuts and that stupid towel isn't really soaking up what he says it is...you know, blah blah...but anyway...
We were watching this here new Vince commercial for the Slap Chop and as Bobby, myself and Krystal were watching we suddenly all exploded in laughter.
Listen to what Vince says at 37 seconds.
Seriously? Really? This made it through editing and promotion? Really? LMAO! Love it!
Recently Larkin convinced us to get the cable preferred channels I now get a few channels in Spanish and I came across Vince giving his Sham Wow commercial in Espanol! I watched the whole thing. It just makes me giggle, what can I say?
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Just a Quick Note
Wanna know something?
Yep. That is it. 14 degrees. Wind gusts at 32mph.
I can't feel my face. Or any of my appendages. My Southern blood is thin and cannot take such temperatures.
I will write more later, after I thaw out.
Yep. That is it. 14 degrees. Wind gusts at 32mph.
I can't feel my face. Or any of my appendages. My Southern blood is thin and cannot take such temperatures.
I will write more later, after I thaw out.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Pretty Tame Weekend...
Since Friday was payday we all decided that it was high time we went out and had a good meal and some drinks.
We started our evening off at about 6:00 at Carrabba's for some two for one and since we know all of the staff at Carrabbas (thanks to Krystal and Christine who worked there for some time back in the day) we got highly discounted drinks and food. As in our two for one lasted past 7:00. I heart Carrabba's bartenders.
After Carrabbas we headed home to meet up with Bobby who got off work at 9:00 and then headed downtown to one of our favorite watering holes, Venus De Milo.
As we were sitting there on the lovely couches and chairs they have set up for us, we found a pen and paper! We then decided to start giving some shout outs to blog peeps. Unfortunately, we only got to two of you guys before the beer + writing in the dark got the better of us. I am going to make it my new going out mission to find creative ways to holla at you guys when we are out and about...so if you feel left out, please, shut the hell up and quit your bitchin...gahhh! Just kidding...I heart you!
This is the smirk I get on my face when I have perhaps had one too many Millers.
And for Madonna, because I know you read this blog daily, Bobby really wished you were with us Friday.
Tard
Tard
Bobby and Angela
Bobby and KK
Saturday I stayed in bed all day...Sunday we cleaned the house and then went to watch that nailbiting Superbowl over at a friends house...
I am NOT getting boob action here...though it appears as though I am. And my hair looks like Conan O'Brien's hair. But I swear it is just a shadow or something.
The whole crew after the game had been won. We were drinking Cristal in celebration. We are all pimp like that. Also, watching the Superbowl on the big pull down screen thing is quite a treat!
SHOTS!
Krystal and myself. She is quite lady like...and would also kill me for putting this picture up. Too bad she doesn't read my blog! MUHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!
We started our evening off at about 6:00 at Carrabba's for some two for one and since we know all of the staff at Carrabbas (thanks to Krystal and Christine who worked there for some time back in the day) we got highly discounted drinks and food. As in our two for one lasted past 7:00. I heart Carrabba's bartenders.
After Carrabbas we headed home to meet up with Bobby who got off work at 9:00 and then headed downtown to one of our favorite watering holes, Venus De Milo.
As we were sitting there on the lovely couches and chairs they have set up for us, we found a pen and paper! We then decided to start giving some shout outs to blog peeps. Unfortunately, we only got to two of you guys before the beer + writing in the dark got the better of us. I am going to make it my new going out mission to find creative ways to holla at you guys when we are out and about...so if you feel left out, please, shut the hell up and quit your bitchin...gahhh! Just kidding...I heart you!
This is the smirk I get on my face when I have perhaps had one too many Millers.
And for Madonna, because I know you read this blog daily, Bobby really wished you were with us Friday.
Tard
Tard
Bobby and Angela
Bobby and KK
Saturday I stayed in bed all day...Sunday we cleaned the house and then went to watch that nailbiting Superbowl over at a friends house...
I am NOT getting boob action here...though it appears as though I am. And my hair looks like Conan O'Brien's hair. But I swear it is just a shadow or something.
The whole crew after the game had been won. We were drinking Cristal in celebration. We are all pimp like that. Also, watching the Superbowl on the big pull down screen thing is quite a treat!
SHOTS!
Krystal and myself. She is quite lady like...and would also kill me for putting this picture up. Too bad she doesn't read my blog! MUHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!
