Paddle Faster, I Hear Banjos!

This past weekend me, Krystal, Bobby and Andy went to Lenoir, North Carolina. If you care to pronounce that properly, it is “Leeeee-nor, Noooorrrth Cara-lieee-nuuuuh”

Srsly. I thought MY family had accents…um, no. We have often times commented on my wonderful roommate Bobby’s accent, (take a riiiiighhht at the liiiiight) but never have I been surrounded by so many people that sound just like him! I missed 5% of the conversations I was in, which isn’t too bad considering. Krystal and her poor Yankee self…I don’t think she understood anything!

Let’s review (and I will translate) some conversations between me and Bobby’s relatives in the hills of North Carolina:

“Jay-see-ka, tail me ‘gin whut you dewww for ‘a-livin?”

Which I can interpret to “Jessica, would you mind telling me, again, what it is that you do exactly, as far as work is concerned, down in Savannah, Georgia?”

“You lyyke ‘tater sah-lid?”

Translation: “Hey hot stuff, as a connoisseur of foods, how does your palate feel about potato salad?”

“What you gurls think ‘bout dis hur shin-dig? Right nyyyce ain’t it?”

Translation: “Fuckin-a this is a damn good party we are having!”

Now for the quote of the weekend.

Set-up: Me, Krystal, Bobby and Andy are getting ready for Bobby’s Mom’s surprise birthday party. The rest of the family has just taken Bobby’s Mom and loaded her up in the vehicle, telling her they need to go somewhere. Dale, Bobby’s brother busts back in the door:

“SHEEET, Momma fer-got her damn teeth again”

I almost fell out I was laughing so hard!

I LOVE living in the South and absolutely adore Bobby’s family, accents and all!! I had a great weekend! Enjoy the pictures!

Safe Driving 101



Andy and his cute self!



KK



Bobby and his hot self!



Bobby, his brother Dale, Dale's son Nathaniel, and their Mom and Dad



There isn't alot to do there...so we made up some game with this ring...



Hot Peeps!

Birthday Events!

Birthdays are such great fun! The firm, in all of its greatness, took me out for lunch AND after work. I believe a great time was had by all! This is Me, Beverly and Joe (my boss) at lunch.

(for larger pictures, click on photos)



After work we went to Wild Wing Café…here is most of the firm.



At some point in time, OK, actually the entire time, there was a debate among three of the attorneys about who could drink 6 beers and run 6 miles the fastest without puking. This debate has been going on for quite some time actually. I remember the LAST time we all got together they were talking about it.



Apparently they decided to do a warm up round because they chugged some beer and all took off running. I have no idea where they went, but I can tell you Beverly won.



Sorry the video is so shaky…’tis the way of the camera phone…though we do have some still shots of them going and coming back.





The night was completed with some karaoke…which is always a good time! I don’t remember the ride home, nor going to bed, but I sure knew when I woke up this morning that I had a good time! Thank goodness for pictures!











Taking a shot...



I don't like Tequila.



Scope the vid taken...LOL!

Who's Birthday Is It?!?!

Yeah, that would be mine!

And who has the BEST boss in the world?!? Yep, that would be ME!

Scope out this bottle of Grey Goose bitches! (the boss man bestowedeth it upon me in celebration of my birth)



I imagine that will last until AT LEAST Friday.



And on a side note: is it "State the Obvious Day" and I didn't know it?

Who the fuck didn't know this already?!?

Savannah Pride 2008

I have officially captured what Pride is all about.

Boobs.

No, really, I have pictures to prove it.













The above picture, the hand that is not Bobby's is actually a complete stranger. Didn't even get her name. Amazing the power of my boobs.

These activities seem to happen quite often actually. I give you random pictures that were taken at an event other than the above.





The one common factor is beer is always involved.

Really not much more to say about Pride…the rotation was beer, bathroom, finish beer while waiting in line for the bathroom, go get more beer, have to go to the bathroom again. As you can see, most of our pictures are taken waiting in line for the bathroom.













I would also like to give a shout out to my favorite mattress back gutter slut mooseknuckle of a whore, Michelle, and her hubby Ronnie for coming out and joining the festivities!

Titles, Labels, Groups and/or Organizations

Let me tell you why I do not care for titles, labels, groups and/or organizations.

I feel certain I have written on this topic in the past, but it merits mentioning again.

This weekend is Pride in Savannah.



A group of folks, known as homosexuals, get together to be prideful of who they are and celebrate their various causes. Many of these causes I agree with, but do not take active participation in. I am very much for equality, but not just for gays, lesbians, blacks, Asians, Mexicans…I am about it for all people of all walks of life. I am very much for human rights. I am very much for respect.

I do not sport the gay flag, nor do I sport the Christian flag



or the Rebel flag



(even though I sure wouldn't mind seeing the above flag around town...giggity giggity)

Each of these flags are a part of who I am...but the labels. The ideas behind what they represent...they allow for too much judgment to be passed and you tend to look at the symbol instead of the person.

I think my aversion to being part of a group and/or organization all started my first day of school. I went to a private Southern Baptist school from day one until I graduated. I found that in the outside world, if I was to mention said school I went to; automatic assumptions were thought about me. I was labeled because that is what the world likes to do.

The world likes to use labels because it makes it easier to attack, judge, size up, assume…etc.

Read these words and think about what comes to mind:

Democrat
Republican
Immigrant
Child Abuser
Christian
Atheist
Murderer
Rapist
Sinner
Looser

I can tell you my first thoughts on each of these words, which in many ways conflict with the other labels put on me.

Democrat: how I am voting this election. I am registered as a Republican.
Republican: my entire family. Stout Republicans.
Immigrant: my boss was an immigrant. So was my great-great-great grandparents. Illegal at that.
Child Abuser: should be killed on the spot.
Christian: I am one. A very liberal one at that!
Atheist: some of my best friends are Atheist. I love them dearly.
Murderer: should be put to death.
Rapist: should be put to death.
Sinner: poor label that is used to explain away human nature
Looser: your momma.

It was just getting too serious, so I had to throw that in there.

The reason I did the list was to show how contradicting it would seem to most people (who rely on labels) to ascertain what GROUP and/or ORGANIZATION I belong to.

A presumptuous person would question how in sweet baby Jesus’ name can you call yourself a Christian, be gay AND be a Democrat! Don’t you know that the Christians believe this and the gays believe this and the Democrats are the root of all that is evil in this country?!?

To that, my fellow friend, I answer you this: I am, above all, a person; a person who is made up of so many complicated thoughts, emotions and ideas that you cannot possibly expect me to conform to any one group and each of their ideals. Impossible.

So you are telling me that you believe that you can be a Christian, be gay, vote Democrat, believe in the death penalty and hang out with people who are not of your religious beliefs!?!

That is SO what I am telling you!

Label: lesbian. That isn’t who I am, that is part of who I am. It is the title that was forced upon me when I decided to enter into a same sex relationship with a female. Before I made that decision to accept that part of me I was in a heterosexual relationship with someone that was older than I was. People said he was my sugar daddy. He was called a cradle robber. Labels, labels, labels.

So can you be a lesbian and still be attracted to males? SURE! I am! I just can’t connect with them on many, many levels in life. It doesn’t mean that when I see a hot chunk of man that my head doesn’t turn. (HELLO! Vin Diesel!)



When it comes to that mental connection, I am unable to maintain a relationship with a man. I can most certainly say sex with man is enjoyable, but that goes away when you cannot connect in the other aspects of the relationship. Besides, those parts that makes the sex enjoyable can be purchased at your local adult superstore and let me tell you…there is nothing like going and shopping for the right equipment…bom chicka waaa waaa!

Side note: there was a guy hitting on me in a club once, dancing all up on me all sly like and doing that “dance move” where they try and fling you across the dance floor by doing that pelvic thrust thing and after about the 8th time his pelvis gyrated on my backside in a non-dancing, or even the least bit desirable manner, I turned around, brought him real close and whispered all sexy like in his ear that I had things in my nightstand that were bigger than him and to quit fucking poking me in the ass with that pitiful excuse for a dick. Thanks.

He didn’t dance with me anymore after that.

I typically am not one for making fun of anyone’s manhood, I totally understand about it not being about the size of the ship, but all about the motion in the ocean, but SHIT, if you are gonna try and use the damn thing to pick someone up, please make it impressive!

How did I get on this subject?

Oh yes, about that whole label thing…so yeah, I am totally all about dick…just not when it is attached to man. I am still a lesbian though. Doesn’t even make me bi!

How do you feel about labels? What kind of grief or relief have they brought you in life? Do you feel labels are overused or overrated?

This Past Weekend...

Last weekend we went to a bonfire at roommate Bobby’s cousin Andy’s house. We were in Coosawatchee, South Carolina. Also known by other names like Wash-a-coochie, Catch-a-coochie and Coo-sa-twat-chee. I know, the juvenile humor is insanely funny!

So we arrive at Andy’s place, far out in the middle of no where…which is to be expected when a place is called Coosawatchee…I mean, really…but anyblog, our first sights upon arriving was Andy’s horse, a mess of pigmy goats, a rooster (which was molting and looked like I don't know what kind of animal) and two dogs. One dog was a Basset Hound and the other one was a Basset Hound/Doberman pincher mix. Strange, I know, but totally cute! There were also three cats roaming about the farm land and that was cute as all get out!













And by the way this goat had the biggest balls I have ever seen in my life...I got an up close and personal actually!



SO, we break out the telescope and attempt to light the fire. This was done by wrapping Andy’s old underwear around a stick and lighting it on fire. Very 1970’s protest. I really enjoyed it, despite my face in the picture. I was just worried about my tits melting off. Oh and btw, those pants and shirt were like super huge on me, I am not really that fat.



We get the fire going by burning approximately 1,000 old bills, letters and various other financial documentation that I had been holding onto for approximately 5 years. I had utility bills from three houses ago in those boxes! So yeah, there is nothing more fun than throwing stuff on a fire to burn…lots of pretty colors and burning and stuff and stuff.

The fire got pretty hot so we started taking off our shirts. Thankfully I came prepared and had a sports bra on. I thought for a moment that perhaps I would just look like I came back from a jog, but in reality it just looked redneck as hell. We (of course) took pictures to commemorate.



After drinking two 18 packs between four people (which really isn’t THAT bad; 9 beers a piece)

This is fire god Andy:




After we drank a bit more things started getting a little creative with the poses and decided that we were quite gangsta with our no shirts and baggy clothes…so we did what Lil Wayne at the VMA’s did and showed our undies. I am quite confident I will never understand this trend.









Bobby is doing the lean back. I am doing the poke your boobs out.



So fast forward…drink, drink, drink, drink and drink some more, beer is gone and it is time to hit the sack…we discovered that Andy has this in his bathroom.

Naturally, we decide to fit four grown folks, all stripped down to their underwear, in said tub. There were bubbles and everything! It was quite romantic. It was a little confusing at times to figure out who’s appendages were who’s, but all in all, who doesn’t need a little rubby rub in the tubby tub?



(by the way, this is a double wide trailer...that's right, back to my roots!)