I had a tiny blog pre-written for today (see below), but a series of things has happened since yesterday that should be blogged about.
First thing, I woke up with a sore throat today. I don’t know why. I was already sick with a sore throat before New Orleans.
But that is not the most interesting thing…the most interesting thing, that happened last evening, was coming home from Outback, which by the way, all three of us ate for $25.18! Krystal had a gift certificate for $25.00 and we used the coupon we got in the mail that said that we could get a free summer meals entre with the purchase of any other entre. Krystal and Bobby both had steak and I had the Alice Springs quesadilla. So, anyway, that being totally rad and all, we came home and Bobby goes, “What is that noise?” I thought he meant the neighbors up stairs playing the radio entirely too loud…NO.
It was his 40 gallon fish tank, in his bedroom, spilling its fillings on the floor.
Since the tank weighs like a million pounds with water in it (and only half had spilled out at this point) and the weight of the rocks and such in there, there was no way we could lift the tank and get it outside. SO, we stood and watched a 30 gallon waterfall pour onto our (rental houses’) hardwood (non-sealed) floor as we threw down what towels we had to try and soak up said gallons of water. If only we had the Sham WOW.
Bobby rescued as many fish as he could and as the last of the water drained out we saw that the bottom of the tank had cracked. Thankfully Bobby is wise in all things fish related and knew that if we tried to lift the tank, even without much water, we would be dealing with rocks, more water and lots of broken glass. So we proceeded to scoop out rocks with our Big Ass Beer cups that we got in New Orleans. As it turns out, those little buggers are good for more than beer! Glad we lugged them 600 miles back home!
We finally got the tank and stand outside and were able to attack the rest of Bobby’s bedroom. The room needed a good cleaning anyway, and with the help of three people, some fish water, a vacuum and a Swiffer Wet Jet, we got Bobby’s room glowing in about 30 minutes! It was amazing! The powers of the roommates are undeniable! We then sat down and had a beer or three.
Second (and last) thing: This morning I got an e-mail from my mother. My mom has a friend named Helen, who is about 20 years older than my mom, but they have been friends since my mom was 19 or so. My Mom and Helen get into more “trouble” than anyone I know! I say “trouble” because it isn’t like they do anything against the law or anything. Think Laverne and Shirley or Lucy and Ethel.
So Mom received an e-mail at work about a former co-worker of theirs (Helen and Mom’s) dying. They had worked with Jim Clark back during the 1982-1983 timeframe and he was a good friend of theirs during that time. Mom called Helen to let her know and to have her read the actual obituary in the newspaper. After reading the obit, they agreed that they should attend, even though they had not seen Jim in about 5 years.
At 5:55pm mom pulled into the funeral home, called Helen and explained that she was the only one there. Helen said mom was early and that she was on her way. Mom scoped the place for familiar faces, as she thought they would for sure see some people from 1983-1984.
When Helen arrived, mom mentioned she didn’t see anyone they knew. Helen stated that they must all be dead by now.
Mom then spotted a lady she knew, Pat, and promptly pointed her out to Helen. Helen said she didn’t think it was Pat, and if it was her, she had a whole lot of work done. Mom agreed she had a lot of work done, but it was for sure her, so they followed her in and stood right behind her in line. As they approached the book for signatures, Helen lets out a big loud “hhhhmmm!!” (Like she just got the idea that “HEY! We will read the signature of this lady we think is Pat and then we will KNOW!”). Sure enough, mom and Helen signed the book, and read that Pat had changed her name to Susan.
Okay, so it wasn’t her. They proceeded into the viewing area. No family, no familiar faces. As they approached the casket, there laid Jim.
It didn’t look like Jim.
Then it occurred to mom that it might not be Jim and she started to laugh. She was laughing so hard that from behind, people may have thought she was really upset. Mom’s hands were on her face, covering her nose and mouth. When she looked at Helen she had this stoic frozen look on her face. Mom laughed harder because she knew for sure they were in the wrong place and Mom could see the look in Helen’s eyes.
Mom finally composed herself, and they turned around and there stood two ladies. Mom and Helen explained that they didn’t know Jim was sick and just read in the paper about his death and asked if they knew what happened?
“Jim?”, one of the ladies responded. “We thought his name was Tim.”
Mom started to get a little nervous, but Helen stepped up and said, “We knew him by Jim, we worked with him years ago, but have not seen him in 5 years.” The ladies proceeded to talk about how they went to school with him and only new him as Tim.
Mom noticed that there was no wife, no kids or family that looked familiar. Mom suggested to Helen that they go sit down. Helen suggested that they leave.
Mom said, “Oh hell no, I’m staying and seeing the wife!” So Mom and Helen sat, and waited. Then the wife and kids arrived, except the first woman that walked in was not the wife mom expected. Then Helen spotted the wife, Linda. Linda recognized Mom, called her by name. Linda explained that Jim was sick for 3 years. After some idle chatter it became apparent that she and Jim were “not married” any longer.
In sum up, Mom and Helen went to a funeral of a man that they didn’t know, but whom happened to be married, at one time, to a woman whom Mom and Helen DID know. So they basically just played it off that they were there to support the ex-wife of a man named Jim. Or Tim. Whatever.
These are the kinds of shenanigans those two get in to!
