Welcome To The First Anual...

Last night was fairly eventful!

It started out with drinking. Abnormal for us, I know.

We had a friendly (NOT) game of Cranium, teams Bobby, Krystal and Larkin vs. Jessica, Paul and Leslie. The JPL team won, but that isn’t important. (Yes, it is!)

I will say that we started out with an 18 pack, and then broke into the 30 pack and there is MAY be 2 beers left. We really did it right in our pre-Friday celebration!

After the night was winding down, we decided to try a new game, which Larkin made up. I shall call it the Kitty Krawl. Kizzi was accidentally let out by Larkin which then progressed to three grown adults crawling under a series of houses. This lasted about 45 minutes. I participated by standing on the sidelines drinking beer and directing the krawlers to their next under-house location. There were some battle wounds, but that is to be expected.

On contestant number 1, Larkin, we see the typical Kitty Krawl knee scrape. This type of scraping can cause, at the very least, ringworm. After all, it is the Kitty Krawl and we all know where ringworm comes from! (If you don’t it is from Kitty Poopie)







This particular wound was caused by what I like to call the Kitty Klaw. When one is looking for a cat under an 80 year old house, where, incidentally, they don’t have any lights, you tend to reach out in a Kitty Klaw grabbing motion. This can result in sharp objects coming in contact with your not so kitty like claws, causing Kitty Klaw injuries.



I do wish you well and I would like to thank ALL the participants who were SO amazing in Kitty Krawl 2008. Come back over next weekend and perhaps we can start our first annual Ferret Find!

Year Book!

I got this idea from Real Live Lesbian and thought it was absolutely HILARIOUS!

There is a website called Yearbookyourself.com. You must go and do this...you will enjoy it! Promise!

First of all, I would like to say that me in the 1950-1960's era was a good hair decade for me.

1950

I so wish I had a picture of my grandmother because it is eerie how much we look alike in this here picture!



1960

The glasses are awesome!! My hair covers my ears providing not only great lines, accentuating my facial features, but doubling as ear muffs during the colder months. Good thinking Jess! Debbie says that I look like that crazy teacher that everyone hated.



1962

I am not sure how long it too me to get that rats nest to look just right. I notice I am still protecting my ears from the winter months.



1964

I noticed that I reverted back to the 1960 eyeglasses, which I obviously sat on right before this picture was taken. Thank goodness my hair is so fabulous, someone might notice my face is lopsided.




1966

Can you even fit through doors with this do?

The above picture reminds me of this:



1968

Was a good year for me. Ditched the glasses and really perfected that flip.



1984

It absolutely petrifies me to think about smoking around hair like this. POOF.



1990

What is VERY VERY odd, is that I have a picture that is almost identical to this.



Look familiar?



1996

Obviously my Courtney Love/Nirvana years. God knows I loved my denim.

Just Didn't Have Much to Blog About Today!

This idea brought to me by Unmitigated. Thanks Dahlin!

If you read Unmitigated's blog on the subject, you will see that she changed the name of the list...I have taken note of this and done the same. Just cause.

Eight Odd and Randomly Unspectacular Things About Me.

1. I can juggle, but only round objects and my limit is three objects. My Uncle David taught me.

2. I have a serious addiction to Squeeze Pops. Whenever I see them in the store, I HAVE TO HAVE IT. Nothing but gooey sugar, but oh how I love it. At 26, I get made fun of a lot for it.

3. I am a very spiritual person. I was raised in a Southern Baptist School, but do not agree with the way they taught Christianity. Thanks to them I know a lot about the Bible, but was ill equipped with actual life application of spiritual matters. I love discussing religion and spiritual matters! Holla at me sometime!

4. I love meeting new people! They either are absolutely interesting and entertaining or they absolutely entertain me with their stupidity!

5. I love to sing karaoke and can think of at least 2 songs that I can sing without looking at the words. (Shoop – Salt N Pepa, Don’t Stop Believin – Journey) I have an uncanny ability to remember lyrics to songs, but never much of anything useful. Odd.

6. I have a fear of things under water that shouldn’t be there. Like cars. Or sunken boats. It really creeps me out to even see it on TV, nevermind in real life. Thankfully, I have only come across one sunken boat (and no cars). All you could see was its mast sticking out of the water. Apparently someone didn’t want their boat anymore and just decided it was cheaper to sink it than get it towed in. Apparently, they didn’t really think the height of boat vs. depth of water thing through.

7. Speaking of fears, I have an unnatural fear of other people’s chewed gum. It just totally grosses me the fuck out! Specifically if it is in their mouth and they are all stretching it out and playing with it. Gee-Row-Sah!

8. I have sat here for 10 minutes to try and think of something for number 8…and the only thing I can think of is that I accomplished many of my dreams too quickly. I have owned a house, vehicles, motorcycles, travelled to the other side of the world, travelled most of the U.S., went sky diving, had my own artwork tattooed on me, been in love (and more)…most of which was done from 18-21 years old. Now I have to keep thinking up new shit to do. Don’t worry, I haven’t run out of things yet…but perhaps I should have went a little slower there in the early days! Still on list of things to do:

Travel Europe
Travel the U.S. in an RV
Snorkel in the Caribbean and Great Barrier Reef
Pet a tiger
Be on the radio as the host or co-host
Go on a cruise
More to come…

Testing, Testing One Two

This is my first vblog...I decided to do a tour of the office! This is not exciting in any way, but it is what I see from Monday thru Friday...so I thought you should too! I am going to try and get a tour of the house, but I would like all its inhabitants to be there for it! Makes it more fun that way!

Oh Yeah. He Dead.

There are certain things that are certain in life. Death is one of them. As I have lived I have become aware that different cultures deal with burial in different ways. I’ve seen people beat themselves half to death on TV over the loss of a loved one. Even these customs are not as crazy as some of the shit we do here like the previous post I did on a strange funeral which you can read about here.

Yesterday, the Office Mate, Debbie, came across this which I am about to reveal.

Again, the only reactions I have is: WTF.







According to the article, Angel Pantoja Medina had wished to be standing at his own wake, and was embalmed for the occasion.

I am pretty much at a loss for words.

I can barely stand to go to funerals anyway…no one likes to go. Most of us probably do the same thing at the wakes we go to…we pray that the line moves fast and we aren’t held up at our loved ones empty shell for very long. We’ve all been there…stuck at the casket and they start to breathe or you are just staring and you start to notice that their lips are really unnaturally glued together (not that there is really a natural way to do that) and then you start thinking about what they do during the preparing-of-the-wake process and then you REALLY want the line to get moving…ok, well that is what I do in line anyway, so I can pretty much GUARANTEE that I would NOT be attending Mr. Angel’s wake…even if he was my BFF.

What did YOU do this weekend?

So let me tell you about my weekend…

I was kidnapped.

Friday, around 2:00 my insanely sick girlfriend comes to my work. She was up until around 5:45am the night before with crazy stomach pains and her body rejecting all that was inside of her. We have since decided it was a wicked case of food poisoning.

SO, she shows up about 2:00 on Friday and says, “It is time to go.”

“Go where?”

She says, “It is surprise.”

“But I have to work.” says I.

She says, “Oh, no, it’s fine, Joe already knows, this has been planned for about two months.”

A surprise kidnapping! How fun!

Our first stop was about an hour away to pick up The Boys, also known as Brian and Justin.



We get on the road, to destinations unknown, to me anyway, and continue to travel 5 hours or so to Raleigh, NC. We arrive at the Red Roof in and get settled for the night.

I am still unsure as to why I have been kidnapped and taken to far away lands. (other than I was told that this was my birthday surprise gift – which my birthday isn’t until September, but early gifts are always welcome) I do have a suspicion as to what is up, but I am still unsure. Not to mention, Justin kept dropping hints that we were heading to Washington D.C. (later I found out that Justin actually made up fake maps and laid them around the hotel room hoping I would pick them up. It was not to be.)

The next morning we wake up, go and eat some Reeeeed Robin (hummmmm), which was awesome, and then proceeded down the road. We ended up a Duke University. I. LOVE. DUKE. BASKETBALL. OMG. That campus is beautiful!!! The chapel is amazing! I didn’t get to see the inside of it due to a wedding. Boooo...but Google had some good shots!





We leave Duke and head to the grocery story, Harris Teeter, which is like not heard of in the South…I had no idea what it was, but they have beer and that is all that matters. We load up on some beer and start down the road again. This time we end up at Booth Amphitheatre. OH SNAP.

How much do you love Collective Soul, Blue’s Traveler and Live? ALOT, right?!? ME TOO!

Collective Soul has got to be my favorite band IN THE WORLD. Live is like a very close second and Blues Traveler is just one great jam band and that boy can play some harmonica!

Let me do a count down of how many times I have seen Collective Soul: 6

How about Blues Traveler? 2

How about Live? 3

My girl had planned this weekend for me with such great care! I can’t think of a better gift than to go to see those bands for my birthday! Not to mention the great company!

My Captors and I tailgated for a few hours before the concerts started, getting a nice concert buzz on before we had to spend $6 a beer on the inside.





I vigorously sang back-up for Collective Soul



And found out what my next tattoo is going to look like



All in all, it was heaven!

I am just going to go a head and issue a MULLET ALERT here, because the following pictures may be hideous to some viewers.

Please see Exhibit “A”



This has got to be the BEST mullet I have EVER seen…and I have seen some good mullets!

It was so good I had to get in the picture with it! Notice how I barely fit in the picture because of its greatness!



This picture isn’t of a mullet, but it is in the awesome hair category, so I include it anyway.



Now I am going to issue a REDNECK ADVISORY. I don’t know if it was because we were in North Carolina or if this woman was under the impression that she looked like one of the Olympic Volleyball girls, either way it was just a sad, sad choice.



I know it is kind of a dark picture, believe me, your retinas will thank me later, but this woman has pulled her shirt behind her head and is prancing around the concert in her sports bra.

For whatever reason we didn’t get any picture of Blue’s Traveler, but sexy lead singer of Live, Ed Kowalczyk, we did capture. What a hot specimen of man. Oh yeah, and he sings good too.





On the way home we stopped at this lovely spot called South of the Border. Ohmyjeez. Seriously, I don’t know if I have ever been so underwhelmed in my life. There are billboards for hundreds of miles out advertising for this place and from the what the billboards say you would think this is going to be the outlet mall of the century, complete with great food and entertainment. Think again my amigos, think again.

It isn’t often that one can say that they have travelled atop a giant sombrero, but now I can.



The series of picture to follow next need no explanation, but please know they were all taken at South of the Border. (click for larger pictures)













I do, however, want to show you some of the graffiti we observed atop the hat.

First of all, expect these to be the kind of people that bring a writing utensil up on a giant sombrero in anticipation of writing upon said sombrero. Tards.



The first piece is actually quite good. I think the artistry is relevant to the subject matter and the lines are quite nice..



The second piece is a love letter written between Laura and Ronald.



If you can’t read the writing this is what it says:

Ronald, I heart you sooooooo much! Love, Laura 6/14/08

Laura, you made me the happiest man alive the day you said “YES” I love you! With all my heart, Ronald.

I don’t know Laura or Ronald, but PUKE. And secondly to that, I really, really hope that the proposal didn’t go down on top of that sombrero. ‘Tis quite nasty up there.



In other graffiti:



To See God, Look (Arrow Up)



We got more bounce in California 6/28/08

This may be true my literary genius, but we in the South can spell BOUNCE on the first try. I also have no idea what having bounce has to do with anything…perhaps I am out of the loop.

This is a picture of North Carolina.



This is South Carolina



And that my people, was my kidnapping adventure! I cannot thank my captors enough! I had SO MUCH FUN and as always, Edward was appreciative that I showed up, once again, to assist him in his music.

Thank you guys SO MUCH for such a great time and the wonderful gift of your careful planning, wonderful company and thoughtful ways! I love you!

Today is Post 101

You know why I love Wikipedia?! Because it answers every question I ever had about a topic and even answer questions I didn’t even think to ask!

Case in point:

Debbie: “I watched Karate Kid yesterday and I still love that movie”

Me: “OH I love it too! Did you know they had a back to back KK I and II a couple weekends ago?!?”

Debbie: “No, I didn’t…but you know the only thing that bothers me about that movie is that every time the bad guy gets mad he says, “Your gonna die” and that gets irritating.”

Me: “Oh yeah…that is a little strange. Hey didn’t Mr. Miagi die not too long ago?”

Debbie: “Yeah he did…”

Me: “He was old”

Debbie: “He was old when he was on Happy Days and I was like 8 years old”

Me: “I wonder where he was born?”

This is when I turn around to the computer and start typing my query to Wiki!

Here is what I found out:

The man was born in fucking California. He doesn’t even HAVE a Japanese/Korean/insert whatever Oriental accent at all! He spoke perfect Eng-rish! He also spent about 8 years of his childhood in the hospital due to spinal tuberculosis. He had four of his vertebrae fused together so he would be able to walk. He also didn’t study Karate formally at all and his moves were all done by a stunt double. My dreams are shattered.

In other news, my friend Larkin did a blog post on her MySpace about Paula Deen. I feel like I may have done a blog on her before, but it needs to be said again. Paula Deen gets on my damn nerves. I am a true Southerner. I was born and bread in the heart of Georgia. My grandparents own a 200 acre farm for Christmas sake! Sweet Thing can’t even understand what they are saying. (poor Yankee girl) If you need more credentials regarding my Southerness, let me know.

All that is said to say this: NO ONE IN THE SOUTH TALKS LIKE THAT! It drives me crazy that she is representing Southern folk with that voice/accent. I know a lot of people love her…believe me, we see it everyday. Her restaurant has a line of people waiting 3 hours to eat in her restaurant. When people come and visit us or we mention we are from Savannah, Paula Deen is the next thing off their lips. I so badly want to tell these poor people that you can just go down to the Ryan’s buffet and have the same fried chicken and “fixins” as you can get there…and for half the price!

According to her website, these are the people that are actually cooking your food:








We actually call her place Slavery and Sons (instead of Lady and Sons) because the word on the street is that she employs fresh out of jail convicts to work in her kitchen so she can get that huge tax write off. Who knows if it is actually true, rumors are just fun! And honestly, I don’t care if she does.

One of the only things I can actually admire about her is that she is rich as a mo fo…and she did it by busting her ass. She is a true business lady. So much so that she has bought up half that block including one of my favorite Irish bars, which she has now made into a gift shop. Grrrr.

Not too long ago some linens and stuff caught on fire in Lady and Sons and someone snapped this lovely picture of Mrs. Deen.



The paper said that the police wouldn’t let her in because they didn’t recognize her. I thought that was pretty funny! She looks a hot mess though…but who doesn’t at 2:00 in the morning?! The bath robe and slippers is really what sets off the look. She would blend in perfectly at Kroger at 2:00 in the morning.

(Ohhhhh look at the street sign...Whitaker. I live on Whitaker. Haha you still won't be able to stalk me...Whitaker is a million miles long. To the left of Paula Deen is the greatest pizza place in the world...Sweet Melissa's. Pizza till 4:00am. You can't go wrong with that!!)

I was told by one of the partners at my firm that she used to cater some of our firm events back in the day. He mentioned that she definitely puts on a show when on TV because she never talked like that when she was doing our events.

Ok, I am done with my Paula Deen rant for the moment…but we thank you tourist for continuing to spend money in Savannah!