It is Friday!!

A day in the life of "Me" can be pretty entertaining at times.

The story goes a lil somethin like this:

I'm poor, as most of us are...after spending a YEAR trying to sell my house up yonder way it FINALLY sold the last week of September. Also in September is my birthday which means renewal of the tags. I have the car and the motorcycle - those together are about $200.00...less than most, but more than I have.

I have spent the last month avoiding allowing cops getting behind me so they can't see my expired tag - usually this entails taking the long way around the block or waiting an excessive amount of time at stop signs **pretending to look for something on the floorboard** to allow them to get in front of me in the motorist line...

Anyway, I didn't make any money on the sale of my home, but I eagerly awaited my escrow check...I called last week as I felt it had been an adequate amount of time to issue such a small, yet helpful, sum of money...and lo and behold the GENIUSES at my ex-mortgage company sent the check to my old address. Yes, the house I just SOLD. Yes, the documents that were sent to them showed my new address, yes, common sense would say, "HEY, she probably doesn't live there anymore cause she just sold her house!" Alas, they sent the check to my old address anyway. SO, I had to wait for my check ANOTHER week while it made the rounds around Middle Georgia's post office and eventually made it to the Southern post office.

In the time I have been in Savannah I have amassed an amazing amount of parking tickets and such. One was actually a parking ticket, two were for being in a sweep zone and the fourth was for not having my tag. (Remember, I was waiting for that check)

The County of Chatham has sent me an array of warnings (at least three and one phone call) stating that they were most certainly going to render my car immobile if I did not pay these tickets. Everyday I woke up expecting to see a beautiful yellow bootie on my front tire, but I think my changing the car from one side of the street to the other had fooled the boot-put-on-people. Or maybe they just hadn't got around to it yet...either one.

I went to the bank today, deposited the check, went to the Courthouse and found out that I only had a dime to pay for the meter. So I put it in. 8 minutes is what a dime affords you in Savannah. I ran into the Courthouse, got my stickers for the car, ran back out...expired meter, but no ticket, thank goodness. So I put my sticker on and went to the parking ticket office. Of course I can't find any FREE parking, so again, I park, run into the parking services, pay $121 worth of parking tickets (they took off the $50 ticket for no updated tag...yay!) and ran back out to my car. 3 minutes MAX. Fucking-A if I didn't get a motherfucking parking ticket! Those meter maid fuckers are BRUTAL! I giggled all the way back to the office.

I am pretty sure I am the only person I know that can actually get a parking ticket while PAYING their parking tickets.

So I am going online NOW to pay this $10 piece of shit and from now on I am going to have a shitload of change in my car...that I will make myself NOT use for cigarettes.

And it's only 2:00!

When Google Images Fail You...

**PLEASE NOTE** - If you are looking for Kate Gosselin's haircut, you are MORE than welcome to read this post, but please read the comments at the bottom and then go to this UPDATED post.

Out of complete desperation for a new fabulous hair-do I was forced to e-mail Kate Gosselin of Jon & Kate + 8. No doubt she has LOADS of time on her hands and will get back to me by this evening.

You will re-call my new hair idea in this previous post.

The e-mail said:

Kate,

I like your hair. Strangely, [sarcastic] I can't find a picture of the back of your head on the internet...so when I show up at the hair cutting place and say I want a Jon & Kate + 8 haircut, they give me strange stares. Any chance I could get a picture of the back of your head for the sake of a good haircut? You will get full credit for my fabulous new haircut. I will even post it on my blog, which gets a WHOPPING 11 hits a day. :)

I enjoy the show very much!

Thanks!

__________

What she doesn't know is that 8 of the 11 hits is actually me and the other three are from people trying to buy a Segway, apparently Google is all about linking me to Segways now because of this post.

Blah Blah Blah

Wish I had something really interesting to write about other than the fact that the next door neighbor had their bike stolen off the front porch. Dumbasses locked it up to a wooden post. So you are going to take bike lock made of hardened steel and latch it on up to a flimsy wooden post?!? They are SCAD students for gosh sakes! Well, I guess that could explain alot. Anyway, I could understand if maybe you attach it to the actual RAILING, (you know, the part that goes across the top and is made of thick wood) but the tiny little two inch round pegs that go in between the posts for decoration? I think not. So of course the bike thefters just broke the bottom of the wooden post and slipped the bike lock off of it and rode off on their brand new bike - complete with a locked bike lock attached. They called the police...I hope they get their bike back.

OH I was sick yesterday. Just yesterday. Weird. Usually my sickness hangs on for a bit. I woke up about 3am with this ungodly pain in my chest...like right below my sternum. I was in the middle of dreaming that I got bit by a rattlesnake...strange how your body turns pain into dreams...but anyway, I thought it was a crazy gas attack or something, but after downing 2 bottles of Pepto and four Gas X pills I decided it wasn't actually gas. I couldn't lay on my back or stomach - just my sides - and I was nauseous. AND my skin was uber sensitive to touch and the wind from the air conditioner and fan. OH and I had a fever. At its highest it was 100.8 and lowest 99.8. So I slept as much as I could all day - got out of bed about 1:00pm and made it till Oprah at 4:00 then I went back to sleep.

This morning I was fine as wine. No nausea. No aches. I checked everything from food poisoning to spider bites. I can't pin point a thing. Guess it was just a one day bug...

I do want to give a shout out to NyQuil though...I love that shit!

Baby Jessica (No Not Me)

Me and Deb-a-roony were sitting here chuckling on this lovely Monday morning...it seems that Baby Jessica is in the news again...thankfully she hasn't fallen into any adult sized wells lately, but anyway, she is on the news again...21 years old and has a baby boy of her own now.

I was curious to know what she looked like these days - as the last pictures I remember seeing of her was her all black and blue like she had been stuck in a really small well or something for like 3 days.

So I checked her out...there is something very familiar about this girl...OH! And then it came to me. The hair cut looked oh so familiar from something else I remembered in my childhood. Duck Tails. (Ah woo woo)

There is no denying it. Magica De Spell and Jessica at 21 have the same haircut.

Accessories

I forgot to put that I would most likely be purchasing this (seen in all angles here) to accessorize my new scooter.

Conundrum

Hello you fine folks...I have a conundrum.

The car is going shitty on me.

For about a month now it has randomly cut off when I am coming to a stop. I have a black, 2000 Mazda Protege LX, 120K miles, with a really awesome sound system...not that that has anything to do with the price of tea in China...I just like to throw that out at times.

Anyway, I have had the mass air flow sensor replaced, some carbon build up cleaned out of some place where carbon builds up and all in all about $500 worth of work done on it in the last month. I am out of money.

I took it BACK to the shop this morning (3rd time in about two weeks) and the computer read that there was a misfire. Well NO SHIT! I could have told you that. I was misfiring like a motherfucker on the corner of Skidaway and Montgomery Cross Roads in the middle of rush hour traffic yesterday. A cop had to push me off the road into a parking lot. **uncomfortable**
Anyway, the computer won't tell the folks down at the car fixin place exactly what misfired. So they took my car out today...hooked up to the computer, drove it allllll over town...and OF COURSE it doesn't do it. So now they tell me that they can't figure out what is wrong.

I called the Mazda place...they want $116 just for me to drive into their garage *TYPICAL*.

SO, if you know what the problem might be...holla atcha girl!

In the meantime I am looking into getting a fabulous lil scooter!

I found this one. BAD ASS! Ape hangers and all!

I have always wanted a Vespa, but for as much as they cost I could have another car!

So I am considering just a beat up, shitty, high pitched (nnnnnniiinnininininiininini) one that costs less than $200. Might look something like this though.

Deb suggested I should get a Segway and hope that I have better luck than the President. I could pimp that thing tight though. Mountain Climbing. Get me some bad ass wheel covers. Put some chrome on that shit. Or ride it on my Navy battleship. The options are endless with these things.

I would like to note that I am a very cool biker chick normally. I actually own this beautiful machine here, but it is entirely too bulky and too much of a pain in the ass to be uncovering it everyday just to take it three blocks down the road to work and back. Plus it messes up my hair. Just wanted to make sure my coolness factor was not at risk.

I'm Not Aware of Too Many Things, But I Know What I Know, If You Know What I Mean

Suckage. Now that is a word that hasn't been used to describe me since I was going through my "straight" phase. (which lasted 6 years for all that are interested...ended in a broken engagement actually...ohhhh but that is another story.)

Speaking of straight, that brings me to a funny story...we were all riding in the car the other day...and by we, I mean "the crew" (all from Macon), and we were trying to get somewhere (to a bar, no doubt) so all five of us are screaming out directions and one of us said, "NO NO, go STRAIGHT!" to which our friend Justin replied, in his most serious teacher-like voice (he IS actually a teacher), "The term "straight" offends me; I prefer FORWARD, please." I almost hit a car I was laughing so hard.

He was, of course, kidding. We are the most NON-pc people you will ever meet. I believe it stems from our vast array of people in our group.

We have:

Brian - 6'5", 200+lb teddy bear of a guy. We have been friends since 8th grade. (almost 14 years now) He is gay...but I didn't find out till New Years of 1999/2000. Very caring individual, hilarious, has an infectious laugh and is the most handsome thing EVER. We met because I came up to him in class to tell him I had a crush on him. We have been best buds ever since. He is 27. Votes Republican, though feels a strong pull to alot of what the Democrats have to say. Would probably consider him to be Independent. Christian.

Justin - Met Brian in college in 1999 and they dated for four years. He is a WEALTH of knowledge and we just LOVE having him around. He dates men and women, though, I believe, prefers to be relationship free. Well rounded in all things, music, government, life in general. He is 36 and a Government teacher. VERY Democrat. Agnostic.

Christine - best friend since 9th grade. Has lived on her own since she was 16 years old. Was kicked out of her Father's home for dating a black guy. (OH NO!) Has always dated black men and claims to have pink penis phobia. (HA!) Real life, rough and tumble, don't take no shit from no one kinda girl. I love her! (btw, living in Georgia the interracial couple thing is still a HUGE deal...) Converted Republican -votes Democrat. Liberal Christian. She is 26.

Krystal - my girlfriend. We met two years ago - the sweetest, most wonderfully precious individual you will ever know! She has a heart the size of my ass...I mean Texas. Originally from Massachusetts - found her way down to Savannah to go to SCAD. Graduated earlier this year with a Bachelors in Animation. Yes, my girlfriend will one day be making Shrek the 18th. Doesn't really care about politics. Probably middle of the road in voting. Non-practicing Catholic. She is 22.

So there, you have two lesbians, an asexual/bisexual/trisexual man, a gay man and a girl that only dates black guys. We have NO ROOM for political correctness.

Anyway, back to the black hole - what can I say...I am da shiznit. And Macon sucks donkey balls. Besides there is a beach here. No one can pass up the beach!

Right Back Atcha!

See this is the kind of thing I am talking about.

Mental instability due to menopause and having no teeth.

People, listen to me...she is falling apart. I was willing to look past the fact that she has no teeth, but really, resorting to throwing objects at the back of my head while I diligently WORK? Have we really digressed to the games of 3rd graders.

In short: Yes, we have. And boy are we having fun.

I fully anticipate that by the birth of her grandchild(ren) her bladder will have started falling out. AKA a prolapsed bladder. You can do some reading on that here. As you will notate at the bottom of the reading is specifically says: "Prolapsed bladders are commonly associated with menopause"

It is only a matter of time before she will be throwing her bladder at me too. (which is what I assumed has happened to this guy)

It's War Biznitch!

So, everyone here knows about Office Mate, right?

She has been threatening me with divorce. APPARENTLY she is in loooooovveeee (blah!)(*puke*)(ack!) with ANOTHER "J" named person.

I have to say, the thoughts of her leaving has me wondering where my life will be heading. For instance, she was gone last week...sick apparently (WHATEVER)...and I talked to her chair non-stop. (It never answered back)

Who will I talk to? Who will I make fun of? Who will I educate about life, lesbians and sushi?

Basically she sucks and I hate her now.

I am flipping her off, but she can't see me cause her back is turned. Muhahahahaha!

Just kidding Deb ol' gal, I love ya...in that very "I don't want to have sex with you though" kinda way. A hug will do.

I have decided...

That I want to do my hairs like Kate from Jon and Kate + 8.



You can't see the back of it, but imagine a very tiny bit of a stacking with ALOT of razor. Except I don't know how she gets so much body at her split there...

Whatcha thing bout THAT?!?