We Are Funny People. Maybe.

I posted a while back about a post I saw on Failbook.

I find speaking like a snooty white person about gangster activities to be quite hilarious!

Michelle and I decided to have our own conversation today:

Michelle: We will get this shit on lock down. Fo sho.

Me: Cause we gangsta!

Michelle: Word to that!

Me: I say we all run outside, throw our index and pinky fingers to the sky above and scream loudly about our astonishing gangster abilities

Michelle: Word to thine mother, then we man jostle our bottom ends and release it like its of an extremely hot temperature.

Me: Your bumping idea intrigues me greatly! We should also include some subject matter relating to female dogs and prostitutes. I feel as though our gathering will become exponentially epic.

Michelle: We should also consider the idea of acquiring some beverages of the malted variety in the grandest container that can be found in the local market place.

Me: I have often heard bedazzling said beverage container commonly portrays that one has an uncharacteristic amount of currency. Though this portrayal is a complete falsehood, I believe we would rather enjoy the fantasy!

Michelle: I have also heard a tale about an enchanting recreational event that includes electronic replicas of instruments and a screen upon which to watch the music.

Me: I concur. There have been many a narratives about this type of goings-on. I believe I have found myself drawn in copious amounts of times. I have established that my body involuntarily gyrates when I am in attendance of such proceedings.

Michelle: I have had strange occurrences where I am out with some people I hold in high esteem, enjoying some frosty cold beverages and the next daylight brings unfathomable head pains and these images end up in my photographic device of which I do not remember.

Me: I do hope that it is not a head pain that requires a physician’s assistance! Visiting infirmaries can damper the spirit in ways that is unfathomable. I am intrigued by these comrades that you have been enjoying adult barley beverages with. They sound utterly captivating! Your photographic machine no doubt produces some amusing poses portraying the evening’s finer moments.

Verdict and How To Preserve a Car

I would like to thank everyone who commented on the last post...I submitted each recommendation. Our suggestions were not accepted. Eh.

Upon joining our friends Theresa and Jimmy in an unknown location at this time, we will be heading to Six Flags, New Jersey. I am unaware if my almost 30 year old body is capable of riding roller coasters still, but I sure am going to give it a go! Over the years I have been able to check off my list of rides I CANNOT ride.

Backwards = Barf

Round and round and round in circles = Barf

Last I remember, I was able to handle upside down, as long as we continue to move forward in a fluid motion.

After conquering rides that include flame throwers and an auger of doom (no, really) we will be heading to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania where some kind of important battle or something happened and also where Geddy Lee got his name. Totally fucking with you on both accounts. We wanted to peep the Gettysburg because of its haunted nature. Nothing like a good ghost tour!!

It seems like we are going somewhere else...Washington D.C. maybe? Hell, I can't remember. I just drive the damn car and go where I am told. Anywho, should be a lovely vacation!

You know how I have mentioned that our friends are HYSTERICAL? Like, funny ass fucking hilarious people. Also, they like to fuck with your cars at 1:30 in the morning on Saturdays.

Yeah, that last picture is of me "planking" my car. I don't think we have that planking concept down.

Yes, those are Post-It's on my windshield (which say some variance of "I love your nuts". Yes, that is FOUR rolls of saran wrap. YES, that says, "I Love Nuts" with plastic forks.

I would like to thank Michelle, Whitney and Kyle a/k/a Frank a/k/a Matt Damon a/k/a Watson for the magnificent gift you bestowed upon us. Just wait till you see your payback.

OH, I should probably mention that I totally BUSTED these mattressbacks because they got all greedy after finishing the deed and I saw break lights...which at 1:30am is strange...flipped on our porch light and I think perhaps if roaches had facial expressions (and drove a Ford SUV), that is exactly the face they would have when lights come on! Mouths agape, Whitney SLAMMED on the gas and that little four cylinder did all it could to get out of there; but not before I got to yell "BUSTED!!!!!"

So they came back so we could take pictures.

Good times, you guys...good times!

Blog World...I Employ You!

Hello kids!!

We had a pretty elaborate trip planned out since last year to go camping in Rhode Island. Turns out camping is SUPER popular on the dates we want to go and we can't find what we want! (Beach/Some kind of water/electricity/bathrooms)

We were totally going to camp in a tent, but this girl needs a place to poop that isn't referred to as an outhouse or toilet pit. I have done some rustic camping before, but it was also before my drinking days and I don't want to get drunk and impale myself on a stick while squatting in the woods. I can see it happening.

SO, now we must make plans to go somewhere. Where should we go?!?

Rules: Needs to be above Kentucky, to the right of Missouri and Iowa and not Wisconsin or Minnesota. OH, and in the United States. (sorry, Sunshine...SOOON! I PROMISE!!!)

I have a good idea what most of you will say...but let's give this a whirl!

GO!

We Survived!

This weekend was indeed EPIC.

I don't even know where to start, but I can tell you the party ended with me sitting in the pool, completely clothed in a Serape and leopard stretch pants, WITH MY SHOES ON, drinking 16oz Miller Lites (we floated the keg) until 1:00am.

Soooooo....here are a few pictures. Mostly taken from Michelle's photos, so that is why they seem to have the same people in them...hopefully there will be some more pictures from other people soon! There were approximately 40 guests throughout the day.

Picked up the keg...strapped her in for safety sake!

Whitney, Shannon in the background, Jeremy sitting

Yes, we taught the kids how to play Beer Pong. It will be of use to them later in life. (Don't worry, the cups had water in them) (Joe's kids and Beverly's kids)

Beverly, Joe (my boss) his wife Gina and myself discussing how I am going to start marketing the outfit I am wearing.

Whitney and Andy

Whitney with her New York corn hole board. Krystal made the boards and Whitney hand painted hers. (Krystal made a Boston board...also hand painted...see below)

Whitney taking the dive...

Brad and Larkin

Justin...Krystal in background with some of her co-workers

Roxie (Larkin's dog)

David and Michelle (they are the ones who made us getting the house possible! Thank you Harbor Mortgage!!)

Dave and Nellie (they are on our bowling league)

David, Krystal, Whitney

Whitney and Pullo (Michelle's dog)

David, Whitney and Michelle

Me and David

Whitney's NY board

Krystal's Boston board

Three Amigos! (Erin, David and Steven) (the children are Beverly's)

Erin and Whitney (with Matt Damon looking on)

Housewarming/80's/Mexican/Beerlympics Party

The soon to be epic Housewarming/80's/Mexican/Beerlympics Party is tomorrow!! Hopefully it will be an event to remember...or not remember...however you need to look at it!

For games we have:

Beer Pong

Beersbie

A 6ft Inflatable Cactus Cooler and Ring Toss Game

Corn Hole

Bolo

annnndddd

The Toilet Paper/Plunger Game (not anyone I know in that video, but it is that funny!)

Coupled with the 215 beers that will be consumed on premises from the keg I will be picking up in a few hours...with whatever liquor is brought...well, we are in for an exciting time my friends!

So far we have a decent guest list...40 people or so. Yeah, I would say that is a decent size. :) I doubt everyone will arrive at the same time nor will everyone be staying all day, so at the most I would say we will have around 15 people at a time.

Now I have to go make a list of things we need to do before tomorrow! Pictures will be plentiful next week! :)

Nautical But Nice

Ahhh, we have obtained the clip for when we were on the radio! (Thank you Toni, (Michelle's sister) Michelle and Kimba!!)

You can hear it here.

If you can't hear it there, try this: (after clicking, click on Download This File, which is a gray bar)

file backup online

Or this. (after clicking, click on Download This File, which is a gray bar)

Christine's mic was the only one that was on apparently, cause you hear her clearly throughout. The only thing I know I said was "Absolutely. Daily." (18-20 seconds), "I avoided that this morning" (35-37 seconds) and "Will do" (1:12) (the "Will Do" was done in a purposeful southern accent. The clip highly edited...we really rambled on for about five minutes and then Kimba was able to take clips out to make it sound good. During that time we were making fun of how southern our accents were and that is why Christine is saying "Y'all" and I am saying "Willlllll doooooo" at the end. It made more sense there.

ANYWAY! FUN! We got to be on the radio in Miami! WOOT WOOT!

MI-HAMI!

So we went to Miami!

The day started at 2:55am, wherein I got up, got me some coffee, smoked a few cigs,umm, did that morning thing that no one wants to pull over at some grimy gas station and do, packed the car...you know, stuff.

Christine got to the house around 4:00am and we headed out for our early morning rendezvous (as Michelle called it) at the McDonald's by the ol I-95 where Whitney and Michelle were waiting for us.

We took off, at lightning speed might I add, Whitney is apparently a member of the Andretti family and wanted to see if we could make it to Miami in 4 hours instead of the designated 7.5.

After establishing that 80mph was an appropriate speed for all, we arrived in Miami around 11:30am and piled into Whitney's parents house. Whitney's parents are the SHIT. I mean the SHITTIEST! AWESOME! Can't say enough good things about them! Fed us like royalty...made sure we got drunk...at which time Whitney went "shopping" in her parents garage and came out dressed as a cow.

And that was just day one.

Anyway, we head on out to the concert around 4:00pm and get our tailgate on. U2 fans do not PLAY when it comes to tailgating. We weren't in the most lively of areas, but we DID walk by where the RV's park. What do these people do for a living?!?!? How do I get a job that lets me travel around following bands?!? How can they afford gas for those things? Anyway, they were serious.

So we get into the concert venue and it looks like this:

Christine and U2 Stage

They were playing at The Sun Life Stadium where the Dolphins play. I think the stadium itself holds around 70,000 people, and in addition to that, the "field" was completely PACKED with people. My best guess is that there were about 110,000 people there.

Florence and the Machine opened up for U2. I had no idea who they were until someone told me that it was that dog days song. I wasn't really paying too much attention to them until I heard miss lead singer lady belt out a note that was so freakin awesome it made my head snap! I was like, WHOA! Did you guys hear that?! As if you can get away from the sound in a stadium, but holy hell, she has got some pipes! I have to say I am now a fan of the Florence and the Machine. I also thought the harp player was pretty bad ass.

U2 was OF COURSE amazing. I don't know what I can say about them that hasn't already been said. MILLIONS of dollars went into that stage of theirs. The lights...WOW. The video...even MORE wow. If you get a chance to see them...DO IT.

The next day we woke up and met up with Michelle's sister in southern Miami. She works for a radio station there...like the one that radios all of Miami. Guess who was on the radio?!? Us bitches were! We were on 97.3 The Coast in particular with Kimba who was kind enough to let us do a little spot about the 80's Cruise giveaway they are having. It was tons of fun and a great experience!!!

More to come tomorrow...(with more pictures hopefully! MICHELLLLLLLEEEE!! Can I use some of your pictures?!?!? Kthxbie.)