Trooper Thorn, in his infinite wisdom, has suggested a pamphlet along the lines of “So Your Girlfriend Left You for Another Girl?” Even though I have personal experience with this (Sorry Chris!) I can’t really speak for the guy’s point of view. I get an occasional e-mail from the ex, but it is mostly just general chit-chat about what is going on. So this pamphlet is mostly written to my ex.
Jessica’s Pamphlet for the Recently Discarded Penis, Dumped for the VaJayJay
Well, Buddy, I am sorry, but there were a few dead giveaways that things were heading down this path:
1) When asked to pick out porn for the two of you to watch, there sure were a lot of women, and the were quite hot, plentiful and had plenty of girl on girl action.
2) You were “forced” to watch “The L Word”,
3)“Gia”,
and
4) She REALLY took interest in that part on “Wild Things” when Neve Campbell and Denise Richards started doing the damn thing in the pool.
Oh. My. Goodness. Can I get an AMEN!
But back to you. You are probably saying to yourself the following:
“Well, how can I compete with that?”
“I guess I just couldn't satisfy her with my amazing piece of equipment”
“I always thought this attraction she had for women would benefit us on day in the bedroom”
Let me clarify a few things for you:
This isn't a competition; it never has been. In YOUR mind you think this is a battle of the sexual organs, but alas, it is a MUCH bigger organ that is causing this conflict. The brain. It might be difficult for you to accept that it really, truly, honestly has nothing to do with rejecting your dick, or any dick for that matter. And while we are talking about it, your dick is very nice and stuff and that helicopter thing you do with it is totally hilarious. Not really. Well, it was the first 25 times. Using it to hang your shower towel on was pretty amazing.
I guess that brings us to your amazing piece of equipment. You are very proud of it, and you SHOULD be. You only get one. Hell, even we get two boobs. Anyboob, errr, anywho, you were quite satisfactory in all of your sexual endeavors. It isn't that she CAN’T be satisfied by the penis, it can totally happen, but the COMPLETE satisfaction isn't there. How can I clarify this for you…OH, got it: How about watching the football game, beer in one hand, a remote in the other and a fine young lady giving you a blow job. COMPLETE SATISFACTION, right?!?!
So you always thought it would be a beneficial thing in the bedroom? Yes, many men are confused about this. I am not sure if is the definition of lesbian that is confusing or if it is the part where I LIKE WOMEN that throws men off, but SHIT, how hard is it to understand?
Ah, you men and your silliness. Wanna know what it is like? Wanna know what you would be seeing?
YES, it REALLY is that steaming HOT! It is amazing! That shit you were “forced” to watch in “The L Word?” Yep, pretty much just like that. Awesome, right!?
Hang in there, buddy. You are no less of a man because of this. You, sir, are BETTER because of this. BUT HEY! You two now have something in common…I can almost guarantee, at this VERY moment, she is thinking about how freakin HOT Julie Stiles was in last season of Dexter.
