My Daughter Has a Penis!

See, that's not something you hear everyday! But I heard it from Brother Joseph today. Did I tell you guys that Joseph and Ana are having a baby? A baby girl? Well, if I did, I would be wrong, as in apparently sexing of a baby in Puerto Rico is an unknown art, as well as telling you how far along you are in pregnancy. So, let's set the record straight.

Ana is having a BOY and she is NOT five months along, she is actually SIX months and some odd weeks.

So now there is a mad exchange of baby gifts and clothes and a new name. Victoria...you are now William. WOW. I just realized they picked out some really royal names there. Humm, well, anyway, it is probably for the best. I was going to call Victoria Vicky for a while and then just shorten it to Icky.

Now there is going to be William, named after our grandfather, who already has a million nicknames for his name, Will, Bill, Billy...so it is up to me to find a good nickname for this twerp.

We have confirmation that the loan deferment for KK's student loan HAS been deferred, but we are still lacking the almighty document in hand, which is very necessary to close on Friday. We are running out of time people!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It is such a tiny thing. Just a form letter that you change a couple tiny things in and press a button and BOOM, faxed. What the hell are they doing on loan deferment land? I can tell you what...sitting in their cubicles, making minimum wage, pissed off that they don't have a loan to defer and laughing at us. That is what.

OK, I don't know about the laughing at us part, but I do know the rest. I used to be a telemarketer. And even though these people are just a level up from that, I feel certain they hate their jobs as much as I did. That, bar none, was the worst job I ever had. It was the FIRST job I ever had as well. I can tell you that picture up there is full of lies! Ties? No. Well groomed people? No. Clean carpet and work environment? No.

Telemarketing is where I met an interesting variety of people. I met my first gay person, transgendered person, person with HIV and all walks of life that were one step above being homeless. If my mother had seen the working conditions/personnel she would have never let me work there. Good life experience nonetheless.

But back to that piece of paper. FAX IT FUCKERS! I am tired of waiting. Kthxbie.

Update

The house HAS to close next Friday. Just HAS to! We are waiting on ONE tiny little document to be sent and the processing of that one tiny document is taking FOREVER!

There are a massive amount of reasons that we HAVE to close next Friday, of note: we have to be OUT of the house we are in on the 31st.

So far things are looking good, but it still doesn't help the stress levels!

OH! Kathy Griffin is coming to town next weekend! AND the Westboro Baptist Church will also be picketing this weekend AND next weekend! It is going to be a BUSY weekend!

Westboro is going to be picketing FIVE churches...who are apparently masquerading as whorehouses. Who knew?!? If church was like THAT perhaps I would be there every weekend! They are picketing pretty much every sect of church we have here, Catholic, Baptist, Episcopalian, non-denominational, Jewish...and also three high schools that are "pervert run and fag infested". Naturally there are protests forming in response to the protest. I probably won't have time to go to any of them, but I will try and make it a point to stop by and maybe take some pictures of the crazies!

I Tweeted Kathy Griffin and told her the protesters were going to be here the weekend she was here and thought we should set up a drag show outside of the picket line with her as the Emcee. I didn't hear back, but it would be SO awesome if she did go out there to protest, right?!?

That is pretty much all. I will let you know if we are living in a house or a U-Haul by next week!

Gadgetry

People, I love gadgets. I don't get to buy them very often as my consumption of adult barley beverages is usually more important than me having the newest iPhone, iPad, or iAirplane (you know those Apple people probably have one in the works)

My boss is king of all things new. I just play with his new stuff and think if it is applicable to my life. It never can be justified. I haven't even justified buying a laptop. We bought one off of Krystal's co-workers for $150.00 and I think I have used it twice.

I do have a smart phone. Not by choice as much as by force. When my last phone broke a couple of weeks ago, my options were a shitty $75 phone, OR use the rebate and upgrade discount and get a bad ass HTC Evo for $175. Humm, well, yeah, I guess that would be the smart thing to do. So I did. No regrets, it is awesome! Certainly wouldn't have bought it when it first came out...$499.00?!? WHAT?!?

Ah, my point to this story: I was watching Shark Tank (hoo-ha-ha) the other day and this company came on: OrigAudio.

Dudes! Dudettes! These people are AWESOME! I had to pause that shit just so I could get to the computer to order! I was sold immediately! Where has this gadget BEEN all my life?!?

It is called the Rock-It 2.0. I cannot WAIT to get this device! We plan on using it for our beach days. It is hard to explain, so you will have to watch the video. I tried to explain it to two people without having them watch the video and it went like this:

Me: It is a device that turns anything into a speaker.

Them: *crickets* [blank stare]

Me: A DEVICE THAT CAN TURN ANYTHING INTO A SPEAKER!!

Them: Yeah. I heard you. WHAT THE FUCK?

Me: GAH!! Just watch the video:

Rock-It 2.0

Weekend Review

It was QUITE a busy weekend! I was SUPPOSED to go to bed early on Friday, but after going to Wild Wing to eat, we somehow got drug out downtown and were out later than we expected.

Saturday was our busiest day. I had a hangover to get over, a wedding to go to at 4:00pm on one side of town and a gala at 7:00pm downtown. It went something like this:

Leave house at 2:30, go get wedding gift I forgot to get all week at Bed, Bath and Beyond, jump into Jersey Mike's sub shop for a quick bite to eat as we have forgotten to do that all day too, drive 30 minutes to Wilmington Island where said wedding is taking place, get lost finding location, find location, get lost AT location (very large Clubhouse...it was at a golf club/plantation), sit down for wedding, wedding starts at 4:17, ends at 4:25 (Those are really the BEST weddings), start slamming drinks at 4:27, sit down, eat, leave at 6:30pm, arrive downtown for next event at 7:02pm, valet parking is full, take an additional 20 minutes to find parking. Arrive at Kiss-A-Pig Gala for American Diabetes Association. Meet and greet people, eat more, slam more drinks, take pictures in provided photo booth: (you should click these for the full effect...)

Whitney and Michelle

Larkin, Krystal, Michelle and Me (my favorite picture is the last one in this strip of Michelle...I can't quit laughing at it)

Paul, Whitney, Larkin, Michelle, Krystal and Me

Michelle and Larkin

Larkin, Krystal, Michelle and Me

Krystal and Me

Krystal and Me

Paul and Larkin

Serious good fun! We left the gala and went out downtown...stayed out ENTIRELY too late...pretty sure my head hit the pillow around 3:00am. I suffered all day Sunday and because of the busy weekend of staying up too late, sleeping in too late, I didn't go to bed until 2:00am. I will be going to bed REALLY early tonight!

Weekend: SUCCESS!!

Cinco!!!!!!!!

We enjoyed the Cinco in fine fashion this year! The Cinco happened to fall on our Thursday night bowling league, but we didn't let that stop us and we just went ahead and showed up like this:

And we were AWESOME last night! We beat the number 1 team in the league. Coincidence? I think not!

Guess Who Is Coming To Visit?!?

West-fucking-boro Baptist (fake)Church!

RIGHT HERE! In Savannah!! WHAT??!??!

According to Westboro, and their infinite wisdom on such things, our Savannah schools have been infested with fags.

The first thing I said was, "Whew, at least they aren't infested with fleas; those fuckers are hard to get rid of!"

But really, what the fuck. First of all, all three of those schools are pretty fucking gangster. As I am not a native of Savannah, I had to confer with Larkin, who told me that even SHE was afraid of Beach High School. (She attended Jenkins High School)

Seriously, the supposed "fag problem" is NOT the problem in these schools...and if they don't get the support of the local Savannah Police Department, Westboro Baptist might get front row seats to the sad amount of violence in our Savannah schools.

On that note, I would like to leave you with this Failbook I saw the other day that gave me quite the chuckle. (Click to open in new window)