No one died. No one stroked out! So I am guessing that is a somewhat successful coming out!
Stressful nonetheless.
I am pretty sure 10 years from now this will all be one of those funny stories we tell!
I had no idea how this was all going to go down. It is near impossible to get my parents in the same room together and I sure as hell didn’t want to have to do this thing twice!
My trip back home started late on Wednesday. Due to a trial that was taking place on Monday and in preparing for that fiasco was not able to get out of work early. I arrived at the parents abode to find my Dad reading in bed. We had some chat about things, one of them being the new news (to me) that my youngest brother Jacob had been kicked out of the house.
Mom had decided to spend the night at her mother’s house to help with Thanksgiving preparations, so I went to bed, awaking the next morning to a lovely cup of coffee Dad had made me and put on my nightstand. Best. Father. EVER.
I made my way to Dunkin Donuts to holla at a chicken, egg and cheese on a croissant and also to bide my time to buy beer. It was 10:30 in the morning. In Savannah that is another way of saying “It’s 5:00 somewhere”, but in middle Georgia…eh. So, I drive to the liquor store and they were closed. On Thanksgiving. Why you ask? Because in that small po-dunk town you can’t sell liquor on holidays. WHAT!??! So I went next door to the convenient store to the nice Indian people and got me a six pack of Miller Lite.
I headed over to my grandmother’s house to see what I could help with, we gathered, mingled, watched movies and ate. We had all driven different cars and I knew then that there was no way I was going to get to talk to them Thursday night…too many people in too many different directions, so I decided to go ahead and go visit some other family members…which also involved me getting more beer. I learned that the property my family currently lives on used to house a shit ton of pot. But that is another story.
I got home late on Thursday night and Friday’s plan was for me and Mom to get up and go and get some coffee and watch all the crazy shopping people. We weren’t going to go at 4:00am or anything, but we wanted to at least see the last of them. I woke up at 8:50am and didn’t hear Mom, so I re-heated my coffee (day number two of coffee on my nightstand when I awake, Dads are great!) and played on the computer a little bit. I stick my head back out again, still no sound from Mom, so I decide get in the shower. Finally at about 10:30am I figured she had slept enough and went into her room. There she was, wide awake, waiting on ME the whole time. She thought I had a late night and needed to sleep it off and I was thinking she was REALLY over doing it on this late sleeping thing. In sum up, we were waiting on each other and completely missed the shopper people, so we just went back over to my grandparents house to watch more movies and hang out.
So all this time I am thinking Dad is gonna come over to my grandparents house and then, surely, we would all get home together and THEN we could talk. Nope. Dad never shows up. And by the time we get home, he is asleep, but has mentioned to Mom that we need to get up at 7:30am because he is going to do a little pick’in and grin’in with his cousin and he would like us to come.
So I get up EXTRA early, get my coffee in me…prepare myself AGAIN to have this discussion (each day I had prepared myself for various moments in time, having slight panic attacks each time only to be disappointed when I couldn’t pin them down) and as soon as I get comfortable on the couch, Dad shoots up from his chair and says he has to go get his haircut.
I am feeling pretty sure someone/something is just fucking with me at this point in time.
So Dad goes and gets his haircut, Mom gets up, gets some rounds of coffee in and then we all get in the car to head to BFE where this gig is going to take place. 45 minutes one way with my parents. I decided that it probably wasn’t the best time to break the news. After all, seatbelts can only do so much and we were going at least 75 on the interstate. I feel certain an accident at the speed is going to hurt no matter what.
So I sit through the gig, which was spectacular, I absolutely LOVE hearing my Dad play his guitar and sing, and we all head back 45 minutes to their house.
We get in the door and Dad moseys on to the bedroom to put up his guitar, I start to sweat and pace the house, Mom goes to sit on the couch, so I start to make my way over to sit and right about the time I sit down she dramatically pops up again needing to go and do something, so I dramatically stand up and start pacing again. Of course, no one is actually noticing this all going on, I was just keenly aware of how slow time was passing because of this crucial moment in my life that was about to take place.
FINALLY, everyone sits down and I just BLURT it out. Ihavesomethingtotalktoyouabout. I am gay. You knew that right? RIGHT?! You guys knew??! RIGHT! ::blank stares:: Well, ok, well, you know, Krystal and I have been together for 5 years and I have known since I was 15, but it has been a difficult journey for me and I am sorry it took until I was 29 years old to tell you.
(they did have an inclination that I was gay)
And then there was a lot more blubbering by me, not to mention I had started to twitch involuntarily and was cold and sweating at the same time. And also shaking. As my friend Whitney says, “I was shaking like a newborn baby deer”.
There were some tears from mom, coupled with a few statements I wish hadn’t come out, but I do understand are part of the process.
“Well, I still don’t think you are gay.”
“Well, if that is how you CHOOSE to live your life”
I let her know this was going to be a process for her, just as it was for me, and that I would be more than happy to help her through it and also answer any questions she had.
She also asked me HOW I knew. Boy, that is a tough one to explain. I mean, how do you explain being heterosexual? All the same, I have some books I am going to pass on to her (she likes to read) and I think that can start helping with the coping process.
Dad said he didn’t need no stinkin book, he totally gets it. After mentioning to both of them that I was afraid I was going to disappoint them, Dad turned to me and said (in his strong southern accent), “Baby, I’ve known disappointment, and you ain’t it.” (I know, tears, right!) And that was all he said and all he had to say.
Mom cried a lot, which made me cry a lot, which I did NOT want to do, but it is pretty much impossible to hold in tears when you see any family member cry. I wasn’t sure if she was hurting or sad or what the hell was going on, but I was tearing right there with her.
In the end we all hugged for a very long time…almost too long and uncomfortable for me…and then Dad, in his oh-so-dad-way says, “I’m hungry, ya’ll want some Mexican food!? Let’s go eat some Mexican!”
Mom just sat there and cried some more and said she was going to pass on the Mexican and I told Dad I actually needed to get on the road anyway. God love him. He processes things so well. It was like that life changing moment for me was just as easy as deciding what to eat at Mexican food…and I LOVE that about him. He doesn’t dwell or make it any more or less than it has to be. He sits, hears what is going on, processes and moves on.
Mom on the other hand is going to go through some anger, more tears, and questions, probably send me at least two more texts about cute (male) engineers at her work place and THEN it will finally start to kick in that this is how it is, how it has been and will always be.
I didn’t tell them about the engagement. I thought that might be a bit too much at one time.
Remember me mentioning that Jacob had been kicked out of the house? He is living with my Dad’s cousin’s daughter. And they are dating. INCEST. SEE! I am not the fuck up in this family AFTER all!
