Want Something Yummy?

This is my Mammy's famous clam dip. As read in previous posts, Mammy passed away in October, but thankfully she e-mailed me the recipe to her clam dip a year or two ago.

1 clove of garlic

2 tsp lemon juice

18 oz pkg cream cheese

1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp Worcestershire

A dash of pepper

1 6.5 oz can minced claims; drained or chopped claims drained

1/4 cup clam broth

Rub small mixing bowl well with garlic that has been cut in half

In bowl blend well remaining ingredients

If thinnner dip is desired, add more clam broth

Makes about 2 cups

Eat with a sturdy potato chip...we like the Lays Wavey chips.

Seriously, this dip is to die for. Mammy used to make two double batches and hide the second double batch so we would go slow on the first. It still didn't last more than 15 minutes.

I prefer the chopped clams cause finding that giant clam in the dip is equivalent to finding treasure! So if you want a chunkier dip, holla at those chopped clams instead of minced.

OhHiOhio!!

SOOOOOOOO! I got my Forever Lazy(s).

I do NOT recant my previously stated opinion about the company that gives us the Forever Lazy. They are still a total scam.

What I will say is that they accidentally sent me FOUR (4) Forever Lazy's and FOUR (4) pairs of matching Forever Lazy socks. SCORE!

So they kinda make you look like a Teletubby, but MAN are they comfortable! We both slept in ours last night. I would recommend getting one or two of these whenever they get to Wal-Mart or CVS or where ever As Seen on TV things go when they are no longer seen on TV.

I also went to give blood yesterday, or as the Red Cross calls it, I went to be a hero. They will just butter you up any way they can to get you to come in there and bleed out for them. I saw yesterday that they have new computers and blood equipment and all kinds of new fancy things...including flesh eating bandaids:

OK, perhaps it isn't their fault. It appears that in the last five years or so I have contracted an allergy to adhesives. I loved Band-Aids as a kid. Is this like when your mom eats too much peanut butter when you were in her baby oven and now you have a nut allergy? Thank goodness I don't have a nut allergy...I love peanut butter too much; so I guess I should just be thankful it is just my flesh that is falling off.

21st Century!

We finally did it! We made it to the 21st century...well, at least as far as alcohol goes. We can FINALLY purchase alcohol on Sundays in package stores.

The State of Georgia had originally brought up a bill that would just allow the entire State to sell on Sundays, but then those good ol Southern Baptists got their holy underwear in a wad and bitched and moaned until the State finally just said that each County would vote on it then.

Know what happened? Like 98.9% of the State of Georgia can now sell alcohol in stores on Sunday now. Know what that means? There are A LOT of Baptist drinkers in the closet.

Here is Chatham County's results for Package Alcohol Sales on Sunday:

Yes 12,532 60%

No 8,464 40%

Now, let us (not to be confused with lettuce) look at Tybee Island's results for Package Alcohol Sales on Sunday:

Yes 1,044 83%

No 211 17%

Bwahahhaha! OK, that might only be funny if you have ever BEEN to Tybee Island. That is the most drinkinest (real word) island I have EVER been on. I have never met a sober person that lived or visited Tybee. (Pronounced Tie-Bee, by the way) And as you can see by the votes, Tybee is a very small island. I am not sure who those 211 people are that were trying to be Debbie Downers, but I am sure they will be hunted down and flogged by the other Tybee locals.

Anyway, back to voting. So, as most of you were doing yesterday, there was a calling for new mayors and city counsel people all across our fair Country. As may be evident by the beginning of this post, the only thing I cared about in this local election was that there was alcohol being sold on Sundays in my grocery store, convenient store and package stores. The people up for election are so uninteresting, even if I was drunk, which is when I find even the most mundane things interesting, I would still be falling out from boredom.

So I just don't take part in it.

Best part of yesterday:

My voting location. A Baptist Church.

If I had time to go home and change into my Miller Lite swag I SO WOULD HAVE.

So I voted for Sunday liquor sales at a Baptist Church. OMG. The irony.

Full Weekend

This weekend was non-stop! Saturday morning Krystal and I got up and headed downtown to see our friends Whitney and Michelle run in The Rock N Roll Marathon. Also running was my boss, his wife and some other people from the firm. This of course was followed by drinking in the firm parking lot immediately following the race. That was at 10:00am.

At about 3:00pm I sat down at one of our local bar spots, as two of our favorite radio personalities were coming into town - Lex and Terry They didn't actually get there until 9:00pm, and I consumed a lot of beer during that time. Apparently, so did Krystal...let's check out how many times it took Drunky McDrunk to get my picture with them...

Try 1.

Try 2.

Try 3.

Try 4.

Try 5.

Fifth time is a charm...and by that point I was giggling so much that my face is all squished and wonky.

I sure wasn't going to ask to re-take this one of Krystal...so she will just have to live with the blurry.

And THEN...on Sunday Krystal decided to rearrange the side of a Dodge Caravan with the front end of my car, stemming from her apparent hatred of green vans driven by pregnant women.

1998 Dodge Caravan...meet...

Front end of 2010 Kia Soul...

It was a classic case of trusting a blinker. The woman driving the van had her right blinker on, Krystal pulls out a bit and lady keeps going straight. Van lady now has a very long dent with various scratches highlighting the entire passenger side of her van. And they will not be using the passenger side sliding door anytime soon, as it has been temporarily bent shut.

Surely this lady was having pregnancy brain and forgot her blinker was on and surely there is some sort of fault on her there?!? What? No!!?? GAH! What is wrong with laws these days?!

Anyway, I anticipate my damages will be about $300.00, which I will just pay for out of pocket and I am thinking about $3,000.00 in damage to their van. We will see how close I get. Adjuster comes out today.

Don't EVER Order from https://www.orderforeverlazy.com/

Seriously, I had to put that in the title so HOPEFULLY that gets picked up by all the search engines. I repeat...NEVER ORDER a Forever Lazy from https://www.orderforeverlazy.com/.

And here is why:

First off, I want to say, fair friends, that I am a HUGE fan of the onesie. I don't care who you are, you can seriously lick my ass. Even as 30 year old woman, I LOVE my onesies. I currently own three onesies, cause I know you were wondering. NONE OF THEM ARE FROM FOREVER LAZY.

Anywho, I saw a story for Forever Lazy on a reputable website (CNN of all places) and decided to check into it. The first site I checked did not have a secure website, so I passed. The second one, which is https://www.orderforeverlazy.com/ appeared to be what I needed.

After picking my two colors (as the site CLEARLY says buy one, get one free, pay $7.95 shipping) and filling in the information and card information, it takes you through a series of pages with things they want you to add on.

I am not an idiot and I know most of their money is made in shipping and handling by charging said shipping and handling on each added on item, even though they all ship together. This scam has been going on a long time.

What I DID have a problem with was once I got done with a dizzying amount of "add this to your order pages" it just jumped immediately to "Thanks! Your Order is Complete". FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF $91.00!

WHAT THE FUCK?!? NO confirm your order page. NO page that shows what the total is going to be before you hit submit. NOTHING.

On top of that, they didn't give me a buy one get one free, they charged me $29.99 for BOTH onsies and also $15.95 for shipping for BOTH onsies. LIVID.

Total scam. I got taken. That is why I am sharing my shame with you so you won't get taken either.

I called them immediately (Forever Lazy® P.O. Box 3179 Wallingford, CT 06494 Phone: 1-866-684-0473) and OF COURSE they have no record of my order and therefore cannot cancel or edit it. "It hasn't hit their system yet". The answer is to call back BEFORE 24 hours has passed because it will just automatically ship after that. You know when your order posts? About 3:00am. Sometime when you will NOT be near a phone or computer to catch it before it does.

They gave me a website: https://www.customerstatus.com/Default.aspx which they told me would allow me to cancel said order. I checked that motherfucker at LEAST 20 times before 12:00am; nothing. I called FOUR times to see if there was something on their end; nothing.

Actually, I got a hold of one lady that told me my order had been cancelled. I let her know that was fairly impossible as I had not asked for it to be cancelled yet, so I wasn't sure what she was looking at. She was quite insistent that it had and after further pressing, she finally read the name on the order that was cancelled (in February no less) and of course it wasn't mine. She was just looking up orders from my zip code. FUCKTARDS.

So IMMEDIATELY upon waking the next morning (7:30am) I checked the website again. It had posted, but there is NO WHERE on the site that you can edit it.

I immediately called and "Brian" told me there was just nothing he could do because OF COURSE it had "shipped".

Brian: "BUT!! There are two options Miss Jessica! When you receive it you can return it."

Me: "BUT, I don't want to pay that $30.00 in shipping. That is a majority of my complaint"

Brian: "OR I have a second option, I can waive $28.00 of that order and your total will be $60.00"

Me: "FINE"

LET ME TELL YOU, it was NOT fine. I am not FINE with being charged for both. I am not FINE with there not being a total and submit page. I am not FINE with them charging me EXTRA shipping and handling for the two free footies they throw in the order (without my consent). I am not FINE with their OBVIOUS scams.

And the kicker...

Brian: "Miss Jessica, this will be shipping out to you by the end of the week"

Me: "WAIT A SECOND!! I thought you said..." *click*

That's right people, duped again. Fucking thing hadn't shipped yet!!!!!!!!!!! That mother fucker lied his balls off. Actually, they all did. There is no reason in the world that there should be a delay from the time you order. There is no reason in the world they shouldn't be up front about things.

Greed.

SURE you can go through the process of disputing charges with your bank. SURE you can do a lot of things. But like me, you are probably pretty busy and unfortunately, by the end of the day, it just isn't worth my time to dispute the remaining $60.00. Yes, that is two cases of beer and a 12 pack, but damn. Having already had the run around with the asswipes at Forever Lazy answering service, how many people do you know who want to call their bank and go through it with them? Truth be told, I did call my bank, and they were nice, but can't do anything until AFTER the charge has been charged. THEN I can call back again and make a claim. SO not worth the $60.00.

OK, so kids, lesson here is just to buy all that "As Seen On TV" shit at CVS, Walgreens or Wal-Mart.

P.S. I still love my Snuggie. But Krystal's Mom gave us those.

P.P.S. I will do a review on my Forever Lazy onsies when they come. They better be awesome. $60.00 awesome.