Christmas List

I am going to go ahead and start my Christmas list now...

Let it be known to all, I would like these items:

Ladies and most gentle of men...this is a Hoover F7452-900 Steam Vac All Terrain. That's right. ALL TERRAIN. An ATV, bitches. (that is All Terrain Vac of course)

This beauty can do EVERYTHING! 12 amp motor, cleans carpet AND hard floors with its hot water and cleaning solution power. It has Dual V technology that has something to do with equal suction power across the full width of the nozzle, and really, how many times have we all been there? Having non-equal suction at ANY time, on ANY nozzle is just UN-AX-CEP-TABLE. SpinScrub brushes...and an AUTO RINSE FUNCTION!

Next we have the Black Mini-Prep Food Processor (21-oz.) Classic Series by Cuisinart

I need this so I can shred chicken more easily when I make my awesome chicken enchiladas. That is basically all I can think that I need it for, but MAYBE, if you buy it for me, I will learn to make some really good homemade salsa. Oh yeah!

Next we have the First-Up 10x10 Gazebo which you can find at Wal-Mart. I almost pee on myself every time I see it...I want this tent that bad! Most of you know I am white...and by white, I mean I am a WHITE GIRL. I burn. Badly. Always. As a matter of fact I was under my current tent (aka P.O.S.T. Piece of Shit Tent) at the beach this weekend and I STILL got burned. Just on the sides of my legs though. I am actually a little confused as to how this happened, but I can only ASSUME that it was because my POST I have now doesn't have the much needed wind/sun curtains that can be attached to keep out that nasty, cancerous sun.

Lastly, we have a lovely ferret play pin. I would like the 11 panel play pin and not this measly little 8 panel one. We do have 4 ferrets, plus 5 other ferret buddies that all like to play together. It must come with the mat/roof covering (it is very nifty and interchangeable) The ferrets must stay in the shade when we take them to the park. And if we have them inside, we don't want poopie doos on the floor.



That is all I have for now. Let me know if you need any help finding these items. I know exactly where to look.

COFFEEEEE!!!

About a month ago I went to Memphis to attend my Godson's first communion. While I was there, my aunt made this coffee that was out of this world!! Turns out her next door neighbor is a flight attendant and travels to Amsterdam every week. She brings back this coffee for my aunt from there.

Interestingly, my friend Magan, whom I work with, her Mother-in-Law lives in Amsterdam and is visiting this week...thankfully I was able to request that she bring me some when she came...and lo and behold, this morning, I have some coffee!

Naturally, the entire package is in Dutch, which incidentally, I don't read. So I use my favorite site EVER.

The Office Mate and I checked out all sides of the packaging to try and determine where the instructions were. Just so you know, we never did find them, so we gave up and just made the coffee like we make it here.

It is quite good.

I thought the translations were pretty funny...so I am going to post them:

In gesloten verpakking is deze koffie tenminste houdbaar tot de datum op de onderkant van dit pak. Na opening advisersen wij de koffie in de orginele verpakking te bewaren en binnen 14 dagen te consumeren. Bewaar koffie niet bij sterk ruikende stoffen zoals specerijen en kruiden

In closed packing this coffee is at least maintainable up to the date on the lower part of this package. After for keeping packing opening advisersen we coffee in the orginele and within 14 days to consume. Do not keep coffee at strongly smelling substances such as spices and kruiden

I have no idea what kruiden is...but I am keeping that coffee away from it!

Het kartonnen deksel van de verpakking hoort bij het oud papier, de rest van de verpakking bij het rest-afval en het filterzakje met koffie bij het GFT-afval

Hamper belongs lid of packing to the old paper, the rest of packing at rest-afval and filter small pocket with coffee to GFT-afval

Hamper lid...right. Got it.

Mocca Arome is een krachtig samenspel van aromatische Arabica koffiebonen en een klein deel pittige Robusta bonen. De van nautre cafeinerijke Robusta koffiebonen geven de melange een vitaal karakter. Ze zijn diep en donker gebrand om de volle en rijpe smaak volledig tot haar recht te laten komen

Mocca Arome are a powerful teamwork of aromatic Arabica coffee broad beans and a small part spicy Robusta broad beans. Of nautre cafeinerijke the Robusta coffee broad beans give a vital character to the melange. They deeply and let reach to obscurity have been burned to the full and ripe taste entirely its right

What I gather from this is that there is a massive amount of Arabic coffee beans that were picked using powerful teamwork. The beans are very small, but full of natural caffeine that helps with the melange. Whatever that is. The beans were burned to obscurity and then the taste was entirely right.

Onder dit folie ter hoogte van de twee gaatjes, bevindt zich het speciale eenrichtingsventiel. Zo kan de koffie brandvers verpakt worden met behoud van het volle aroma

Under this foil off the two pricks, is himself a direction valve the special. Thus coffee fire verse can be packed with conservation of the full aroma

Apparently, when I opened the top of the canister there was supposed to be a guy with two pricks, which is amazing. We don't have that here in the U.S., then again, this DID come from Amsterdam, they have strange things there.

Doseer een eetlepel of doseerschepje koffie per kopje, al dan niet afgestreken voor de gewenste sterkte van uw koffie: zacht of sterk

A eetlepel or doseerschepje doses coffee by cup, yes or no struck the sterkte of your coffee, desired for: gently or strong

This was apparently the part of the directions I was looking for, unfortunately, the important part, the part that tells me how many spoonfuls (or cupfulls) make it strong or how many make it "gently" did not translate. Damn you Babelfish! (say that like Stewie)

After Two Years...

As you all know, I work very hard at my job. Well, not as hard as she does...but who can, really?

My boss's wife went on a business trip to Belize. Srsly. Who goes to Belize for a business trip?! Not paralegals, I can tell you that! We tried to get the company to take us all to Vegas for a Paralegal/Legal Assistant conference once...we were immediately shot down. I have no idea why.

Anyblog, the boss came into the office this morning and gives me these.




Yes kids, that is a crumpled pack of Belizian cigarettes. THIS was my souvenir.



And it had ONE cigarette left in it. Which I was told I would have to share with Debbie. I love it!!
Maybe after three years the gifts will improve...

Kate Non-Gosselin Gets The Kate Gosselin Hair Do!

I received the following comment from Kate Non-Gosselin on this post a little while ago:

"I also want kate's haircut...I'm actually going tomorrow to get it done. I couldn't find a pic of the back of her head anywhere. I work at a grocery store and to my surprise...I spotted a customer today with the same haircut as kate...I asked her if I could take a pic of the back of her head...and she was more than happy to oblige...if anyone wants a pic, you're more than welcome to email me...kbrzenk84@earthlink.net"

I responded to her via e-mail insisting that she send pictures promptly, so now you don't have to e-mail her (I am all about saving you guys time)...and because she doesn't have 1,000 kids running around, she so graciously sent pictures to me today!!

So to the world...behold...The Kate Gosselin Hair Do! (By Kate Non-Gosselin)

Thank you Kate! I am glad you love it and I think the new-do looks awesome!!!

Naughty and Nice Letters

I am so not a complainer. Really, I am not. Rarely do I ever get aggravated with situations, and if I do, I usually am able to just laugh it off.

Cinco de Mayo. Oh what a lovely time of the year that is for me! I love Mexican food. I love beer. I love Mexican beer.

So our friends, Brian and Justin, drove an hour from Statesboro to be with Krystal and I on this fabulous day. Christine, Nicole, Cuz and MJ drove from Southside down to the Island to be with us as well. It was a three (3) hour wait for a table...that is fine. We understand...tis Cinco. The bar staff was way fabulous and we got plenty of beer and set up camp outside on the sidewalk. We waited our three (3) hours and were finally seated. We were the last crew sat.

Here is a letter I wrote to them explaining why I was not happy...and P.S. - it wasn't because we had to wait three (3) hours.

_________________

Via Fax: 897-8247
and U.S. Mail

Jalapenos Mexican Grill
Attn: Sergio
107 Charlotte Dr
Savannah, Georgia 31410


Re: Cinco de Mayo, 2008.


On May 5, 2008 myself and seven of my friends decided to come and enjoy the Cinco De Mayo festivities at your establishment located at 107 Charlotte Dr in Savannah Georgia. We arrived around 7:00pm, to a very large crowd, which is to be expected on such an occasion. We were told it would be a three hour wait for us to be seated. This was fine, as the bartending staff was very friendly and we were able to get what drinks we needed in a fairly efficient manner, considering the size of the crowd and such. We sat on the sidewalk and had a good time socializing amongst ourselves and the various other patrons.

We were seated around 10:00pm and were readily waited on by a waiter named Joel. He was kind, quick, and efficient and despite the fact that most of our orders had some special change (i.e. soft taco instead of hard) all of our orders were perfect. He and the cooks did a fantastic job.

We finished our meals around 11:00pm and were collecting our tabs when the restaurant became increasingly loud with whistles blowing and some of the wait staff yelling from across the restaurant for us to “get out”. I understand that the establishment closes at 11:00, but considering the circumstances (Cinco de Mayo), certainly it wasn’t expected to be a “normal” night and every patron be off the premises at exactly 11:00. I understand that the wait staff was tired and had probably dealt with a lot of customers that were difficult, but this activity is unacceptable on many levels.

First and foremost, we are patrons. Secondly, we waited for THREE hours to be seated because we wanted to enjoy our Cinco with Jalapeños. We chose Jalapeños, albeit there are MANY other restaurants, such as Wild Wing Café, that were having bands and drink specials that we could have chosen to go to. It would have been closer to our homes as well. Not to mention the other Mexican restaurants in town. Lastly, as we were waiting for our server to come and collect the checks, one of your female servers came by the table, and though not directly speaking to us, said in a very loud voice, “If SOME people would LEAVE…” At this point we decided to let it be known that we were also ready to leave and explained that were waiting on our tickets to be paid; at which time she yelled ACROSS the restaurant to our server to come and collect our tickets. I know this is not a fancy restaurant, but it is somewhere to come relax and eat, and yelling across any restaurant is unprofessional and uncalled for. After this took place, ANOTHER female server, who was cleaning a table behind us, told us “Not to take it personal, they were telling everyone to get out.” We informed her that we did take it personally, as we were the LAST people in the restaurant. There was no one else for the comments to be directed at. We honestly do understand that they were tired and after sitting on a sidewalk for three hours, we were tired and ready to go ourselves. The two female servers continued to talk about us, speaking in Spanish across our table to each other. Though none of us are fluent in Spanish, it was apparent by the giggles and stares that they were speaking negatively about us.

Again, our server Joel was fantastic! He asked the other servers to please quit blowing the whistles and to allow us to leave in peace. (They unfortunately ignored him) He was very apologetic and we appreciated his willingness to understand our situation. Joel should be commended on a job well done and the strength it took to stand up to his fellow servers as well as maintain a good attitude despite the chaotic evening he no doubt had.

I hope this letter relates how dissatisfied we were by being treated in such a poor fashion. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of our server, we will not be patrons at this restaurant or the other two Jalapeños restaurants in the Savannah area. I understand that losing eight customers will not damage your restaurants in the least, but please know that continuing to treat your customers in such a way will cause you to loose business in the long run.

Thank you for your time.

Jessica

cc.
Francisco Guzman, Registered Agent
Magda Castellanos, CFO

_________________

I received a phone call approximately 10.2 minutes after I faxed my letter over. Sergio was oh so very apologetic. He said the girls aren't allowed to work for a while and that he wanted us to come back and buy us dinner and stuff. Uh. NO. Like we most certainly can't come back NOW...I mean they will know it is US and shit (yes, shit, not spit) in our food. The beans already look like shit (but taste oh so good) so how would I know the difference?!?

To help my good juu juu I wrote another letter (I was in a letter writing mood today) to FedEx Kinko's cause they totally were awesome to me.


_________________
Via Fax: 443-1912
and U.S. Mail

Joel
FedEx Kinko’s
5 W. Broughton Street, Suite B
Savannah, Georgia 31401

Re: Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Annie Kistner

Dear Joel:

I am writing this letter to let you know what a WONDERFUL staff you have working for you at your FedEx Kinko’s location on Broughton Street. Annie Kistner went above and beyond to assist me in having some photographs printed. I was in a bind and having trouble getting my photos printed in a timely fashion. Annie was quick to assist, even in the middle of a very busy part of the day for your establishment.

I have used the FedEx Kinko’s on Southside on a number of occasions and frankly, I have not had the same willingness to help as I had at your Broughton Street location. I would like to encourage you and your staff to maintain their very pleasant attitude and willingness to help; it certainly made my life easier and made for a good start to the week!


Sincerely,


Jessica
Legal Assistant

cc. Annie Kistner
_________________